Having a really tough time this weekend.
We had a bad 12 week scan with a high nuchal (5mm), high odds (1:4) of trisomy 13 with some soft markers (very high heart rate, single artery umbilical cord), and what looked like a missing right forearm.
The CVS came back normal, the nuchal reading went down, the heart rate went down and they spotted the third vessel in the umbilical cord, so we were told that it looked strongly like a one off problem with the right arm. That was confirmed by a few different scans.
Then, last week, the consultant said that he was concerned about the left hand, we went back in yesterday for a scan with the geneticist and she confirmed that both hands now have problems. It looks like the baby has 'split hands' on both sides - i.e. a thumb and a little finger and maybe one or two small fingers in between. That makes it, apparently, much more likely that there will be associated problems.
I don't think my husband and I are well equipped to parent a seriously disabled child. If it was just the problem with the hands, we might proceed but with the prospect of wider problems, I think we need to terminate. But at 29 weeks, it's just so hard. This baby was the result of 3 years trying, 3rd IVF attempt, with donor eggs (even though I'm only in my early 30s).
I just don't know what to tell friends/family/work. My parents are going to be devastated. I'm terrified of the actual termination procedure - at 30 plus weeks (which I guess it will be by the time that they can fit us in), I assume it's basically like normal childbirth but without getting a baby at the end of it. I can't believe we let ourselves get our hopes up as clearly having a baby is just one of those things that other people can do but not us.
Don't know what I want from posting this, really. I don't think we'll be telling anyone in real life (will probably tell everyone that it was a stillbirth) so maybe just to put it out there.