Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be disappointed with friends'reaction to school places?

114 replies

gonaenodaethat · 09/03/2010 13:34

We live in an area where most schools are reasonable and most kids from DD's class are going to the local comprehensive.

I would've been happy to send DD there but she is very bright so we let her do the entrance exam for the local independent school as we thought she might get a scholarship.
We didn't mention this to anyone at the time.

Anyway, she did get quite a large scholarship and we have decided to send her there.
When we've told friends this (when they've asked where she's going ) they seem a bit pissed off. None of them have even said 'well done' to DD and they've known her for years.

Am I being unreasonable to think that they might've been pleased for her?

OP posts:
DarrellRivers · 09/03/2010 16:06

When I passed all my A levels with good grades and proceeded to my choice of university, and unfortunately most of my friends failed and had to re-sit, I can't even count on one hand those parents who congratulated me.
They were irritated by me
I didn't arse around for those 2 years, I got glandular fever, worked hard and was pretty darned miserable for A levels, but I got where I wanted.
Could never really fathom what my friend's parents wanted me to do, fail like their children?
Was v disappointing and I was quite miserable at that time.
I think unfortunately, you must never do better than anyone else in this country, too grasping

pagwatch · 09/03/2010 16:15

But Darrell you were Head Girl and always Miss Greyling's favorite. And your dad was a surgeon and your mum had those nice hats.
You were just a big suck up. Thats why no one liked you.

Love
Gwendoline Mary

Blabbermouth · 09/03/2010 16:21

www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1G1-179085315.html

Just goes to show that coffee shops and babes dont mix.

DarrellRivers · 09/03/2010 16:29

Pagwatch
Will get off my high horse now and get tea ready

DarrellRivers · 09/03/2010 16:30

blabbermouth, I think you got the wrong thread

pagwatch · 09/03/2010 16:32

jolly good Darrell. Cripes. Is that the time?

BalloonSlayer · 09/03/2010 16:39

Darrell, I think you are a mean sneak swanking off about passing all your A levels despite having Glandular Fever.

You're just trying to make me feel bad for failing my School Cert because I had measles.

You deserve to be spanked with a hair brush

Alicia

pagwatch · 09/03/2010 16:44

ah . But your juggling was a sight to see Alica. All those japes.

DarrellRivers · 09/03/2010 16:44

Well, unintentionally, I seem to have lightened the tone of the thread
[raids her tuckbox and starts comfort eating, reliving those A level years]

WinkyWinkola · 09/03/2010 16:51

Eh? Why on earth should the op advertise what she's doing with her daughter? Whose business is it?

I don't tell my friends every single thing I'm planning to do with my children's education. i. it's none of their business and ii. I simply assume they wouldn't be that interested.

Perhaps she wanted to avoid the smugness of these 'friends' if her daughter failed to get a scholarship. I think you made the right decision not to tell them before the event, op.

It's total envy on the part of these people, pure and simple. Their problem, not your gonaendaethat.

EdTheConfessor · 09/03/2010 16:53

"It is envy. It has nothing to do with you keeping them in the dark."

MillyR, you can't presume that it is, just as you can't presume that it isn't. Your situation with your circle of friends and the closeness you have with your friends,colleagues,family,supermarket trolley man might be entirely different to the OP's.

She has already said she kept the parents in the dark intentionally for whatever reasons she had, so now she is feeling perturbed she hasn't got the reaction she expected.

"people will fall over themselves in their rush to put other people down"

You are doing exactly that, saying that her friends are just envious. Do you know them? OP has said more than once that she should have said something to them in the beginning.
Of course you DON'T have to tell the whole world when you are ovulating,declare your conception date for a baba or when you are ordering your highly awaited for Jimmy choo's but she is specifying here that she did not share her plans and now this is the reaction when plan comes into fruition, hmmm peculiar...hmm..not very nice frineds etc etc.. not really much we can do for here ,is there?

EdTheConfessor · 09/03/2010 16:56

"Why on earth should the op advertise what she's doing with her daughter? Whose business is it?"

Point already made. her choice. But OP shouldn't be then on here here moaning about their reactions.

Sassybeast · 09/03/2010 17:01

Gwendoline Mary - that's an absolutely BEASTLY thing to say. Everyone knows that Darrell got a place at MT because her dad slipped Madmoiselle lashings and lashings of ginger beer.

Yours

Sally Hope.

MillyR · 09/03/2010 17:04

But Ed, why should it have anything to do with closeness? Shouldn't we pleased that a child has done well in an exam, been selected for some European sporting event, been accepted for a music school or whatever, even if we barely know them? It's nice when people do well.

The OP said that the people seemed pissed off. What possible excuse can there be for seeming pissed off when someone else's child does well at something?

TheFirstLady · 09/03/2010 17:09

Her Dad slipped Mam'zelle WHAT?
That is certainly not the case, Sally.
It was the new swimming pool that sealed the deal.
See me in my office. I will be firm but fair.
Ms Grayling
PS Do not forget your hairbrush.

megapixels · 09/03/2010 17:10

They should have congratulated your dd. You don't have to tell everyone that your dd was trying for the indie, nothing wrong with keeping it to yourself.

megapixels · 09/03/2010 17:10

They should have congratulated your dd. You don't have to tell everyone that your dd was trying for the indie, nothing wrong with keeping it to yourself.

GrimmaTheNome · 09/03/2010 17:16

YANBU - even if they resented any 'secrecy' (which might have been modesty, not wanting to make a big deal beforehand type of thing) or even if the way you told them seemed smug or boastful (not saying it was!) - its always nice to say 'well done' to a child who's done well.

EdTheConfessor · 09/03/2010 17:20

"The OP said that the people seemed pissed off. What possible excuse can there be for seeming pissed off when someone else's child does well at something?"

Exactly that.. She thought people SEEMED pissed off. That is her take on their reactions when it might not be that they were pissed off. It is more likely that they were caught offguard and their raw, undisguised and unprepared reactions threw the OP. Why else is OP sounding so reflectively sorry she did not say something beforehand to this group of friends?

We can all go on and on supplied with lashings of ginger beer well past teatime but this all boils down to how close her friendships are to these nothing-is-coming-forth people. Do they really matter and does she want to make it right? No point going into the obsessiveness that belongs to the 11+ forum.

CelticUnited · 09/03/2010 17:23

I don't think there is anything "sneaky" about not telling anyone beforehand. It could have put unfair pressure on your DD if her friends found out and made comments. Equally if she hadn't got a place there could then have been "well who did they think they were anyway" from those who like to criticise

BariatricObama · 09/03/2010 17:25

you sound slightly smug tbh. put yourself in their position.

EdTheConfessor · 09/03/2010 17:28

I don't think there was any sneakiness either. OP just decided not to share. If she did and it did not work out, who's to say the comments might be," Oh dear, so sorry about that. Not to fret, she's always a bright'un" or some such sentiments.

We can't second guess everything and I wish the OP will come clean why she is actually on here, other than for a lick of ginger beer..

Original poster
gonaenodaethat · 09/03/2010 17:30

What position? They got the school they wanted?

OP posts:
southeastastra · 09/03/2010 17:30

they reacted how they reacted. i suppose they didn't have time to prepare a fake 'good for you' look.

Merrylegs · 09/03/2010 17:30

OP. I too think it is churlish and ungracious not to congratulate a child who has done well at something.

However, I think you know that private education can be a potentially divisive and emotive subject. So while you are not unreasonable to feel disappointed that your dd has not been congratulated, I don't think you are surprised.

(BTW, Darrel. You will get A LOT out of Malory Towers. Make sure you put a lot back).