WashWithCare - when you refer to poorly informed health visitors and midwives telling someone that their baby is jaundiced and needs a bottle, or that their baby is failing to thrive, you are clearly referring to my story.
Firstly, it was the doctors, not the midwives, who told me that ds1 needed extra fluid and calories in order to help him recover from neonatal jaundice. At this point he'd already been receiving phototherapy for over 24 hours, and his serum bilirubin should have been starting to fall, but his had climbed significantly. A second phototherapy unit was brought in to double the dose of phototherapy, and I was told that instead of feeding him at least every four hours, I should feed him every three hours and supplement.
I was told by a very well qualified doctor that this was what my child needed, so that is what I gave him. And the midwives, who were, to a woman, well informed, supportive and intelligent, helped me to care for my son to the best of my ability.
When ds2 lost so much of his birthweight, the health visitor was worried, because he wasn't gaining it back, despite being on the breast for hours on end. I couldn't have fed him any more, without keeping him awake 24/7. We ended up at the hospital because he got a chest infection, but once we were on the paediatric ward, the paediatricians were far more worried about his failure to regain his birthweight at 6 weeks old! And I was worried too - you didn't see him - I did, and he was white and thin and looked ill. The term failure to thrive was used on the wardround by the nursing staff, but that diagnosis had to have come from the doctors again. Ds2 only started to gain weight when I started to supplement my milk with formula.
You cannot just say that, whatever difficulties or problems someone has, they can be overcome with determination and a willingness to 'ride it out.' How should I have 'ridden out' my son getting thinner before my very eyes? Or my other son in an incubator, getting yellower? It is the most insensitive and cruel thing to suggest that the only reason someone fails at breastfeeding is because they weren't sufficiently determined.
MrsRigby - it sounds as if you and I went through something very similar, and my heart goes out to you. One thing I have tried to remember is that I have many years to nourish my children well, and breastfeeding is just a part of that. We are good parents, because we made the right decisions for the sake of our children, no matter how painful they were for us.