Left DD sobbing in classroom, did I over react?

[geisha]

Waiting for school doors to open this morning I hear a friend of DD's say to her Nanny, "DD said she doesn't care". (Friend had told DD that she had a new tooth growing. I discretely summonsed DD and asked her if she had said this and asked her to apologise to her friend. She burst into tears whilst apologising (normal for DD) and upon returning to me said they were only little words. I replied that yes, they are little but very hurtful words especially coming from a friend. I have left DD is class sobbing. She is not sobbing for what she has done, but sobbing because I told her teacher what she has done and why I have left her upset in the classroom.

DD was on the receiving end of unkind words herself last year, so knows exactly how it feels. I do think I probably over reacted but I am so disappointed she could be unking in anyway to anyone. At home we place so much value on kindness (and trying our best).

A friends mother overheard DD telling her daughter in the classroom after I left - I don't like my mummy!

[Acinonyx]

Dd (reception) told me something she said to a friend yesterday which I thought was VERY unkind . I had a chat with her to try and make her understand why it was unkind (just saying it's ukind is not enough if they don't understand - they struggle to understand these subtelties at this age).

This was to a friend we had invited to visit today I am rather mortified. I gather that she has said something similar to another friend and I talked to that mother this morning I don't want to get over-involved but IMO kind behviour is largely taught by grown-ups so there is a duty and responsibility there - e.g. do as you would be done to, not as others do.

Like you though - I was really deeply shocked that dd, who has always seemed very sensitive and kind - could be so thoughtless and unkind to her friends. I'm also shocked at how shocked I am - probably you and I both need to chill out a bit and remember they are only very little still.

[malovitt]

I can't stand people saying the actual phrase " I don't care", whatever their age.

It sounds horrible.

[2rebecca]

Oh right, I'd assumed the new tooth was painful and that was why she expected her friend to "care" about it. I suppose at 5 their vocab isn't great but it sounds more like a lack of interest in the new tooth rather than a lack of caring.
I think "I have a new tooth" "so what?" is probably a common conversational pattern at that age. My kids did alot of "so what"ing at primary school, much to my annoyance.
Wouldn't have bothered asking her to apologise in that case. Little kids' spat over nothing in particular.

[diddl]

If the little girl left the conversation specifically to tell her gran, then it sounds as if it had bothered her.

In which case I might also have called my daughter over to ask what had happened, & also said that it wasn´t a kind thing to say.

But if I thought the apologising would make her burst into tears I might have left that, or told her to say sorry to her friend in her own time, privately (no audience).

But if she finds apologising so upsetting, is it because she is so distraught at "letting you down"?

[HarrumphingAndBosomAdjusting]

Your response was a bit disproportionate. You say your DD often gets upset if confronted. I'm not saying never confront her, but if you suspected she'd cry why not leave it so she wasn't starting the school day in a state? For everyone's sake (yours, hers, teacher's.)
Don't think your DD was being that unkind - I'm not arsed about other people's teeth. The only difference is I'm an adult and have aqquired the social niceties to not say so. Young children haven't yet.
But OTOH, I really respect and admire you for valuing kindness and manners so much. I'd just leave it now, act like it never happened, because the children probably have.