to challenge our neighbour about her ignoring me?

[sillysalley]

We have lived in our cul de sac for almost 4 years now. When we moved in it was a brand new estate and we got on really well with all the neighbours around us and helped each other out with moving in etc.

We particularly got on really well with these neighbours in question.

However, ever since I became pregnant with DS, this neighbour has ignored me. Most of the time it is her running in the house to avoid me but if this isnt possible for her, she will ignore my friendly hellos, she just blankly looks at me or gives me the death stare! Her husband is fine with me BTW - unless he is with her and then he too ignores me.

Since DS was born things have got worse!

I have racked my brains to think if I could have done anything or said anything to upset her and there is nothing. The only thing I can think is I am aware she was TTC (her DH told my DH) or maybe still is, and she is at a not very favourable age for it either, They have no children BTW. I think maybe she is jelous of our situation.

Well today she again ignored me when I said hello, but she did this right in front of another neighbour and made me look daft really. Well I have just had enough now - it is getting silly. I have tried my hardest to kill her will kindness but to no avail. So Im thinking of approaching her and asking if I have done or said anything wrong and apologise in advance.

The thing is, I know all about struggling to TTC, I have been there done that. I have also had a MC. But I would have never have ignored someone with a baby or a bump for that matter - even though I suffered from bump and baby envy for a long time.

Just to add, me and DH are pretty much 100 % positive the reason why she is being this way is due to us having DS. Just the way she totally blanks him when other neighbours make a fuss when she is around and she wont even look at him. Another neighbour also believes this is the reason too.

So aibu to speak to her about this matter or should I leave it?

I am in the position of having ttc for 5 years and finally have a sone through ivf. However in those days where another ivf failed or af arrived yet again I swear it would physically hurt to see a baby bump or a new baby. Its something i cant explain - its not jealousy for what the other person has its a complete sadness at what you cant have of that makes sense.

She is not behaving in a way that would make sense to anyone else but if this is about ttc and having fertility issues I can see why she is behaving the way she is (not that I agree with it or make excuses for her) - its just so hard to keep that smile on your face all the time and pretend you are ok.

Why dont you try sending her a little card just saying you miss her friendship and your door is always open. If that is ignored I would give up the ghost and let it go.

I know i went through a phase of staying away from people with kids or bumps, i had to but it will be hurting her far more than it is you - please dont take that the wrong way.

Hope she comes round soon

Sillysally seems pretty convinced its the ttc issue. In which case I still say leave it, I she isn't totally convinced then broodymama's suggestion of a card is a good one saying hope I haven't upset you or something, but not mentioning the ttc. Otherwise I really do reccomend you leave it.

Could cause a lot more upset if not.

Just out of curiosity do your other neighbours have children?

She either doesn't like you or is jealous of you. Confronting her and insisting she talks to you because it suits you isn't going to help with either of these scenarios. Just ignore her and get on with your life. At least you don't exchange obsenities every time you meet or have her playing loud music every night. Being ignored is much more livable with.
It's nice to get on with your neighbours but it's not important.

Kitkatqueen, you're probably right, I guess I'd just be wondering 'what if?'

Ignore her. She is being ridiculous.

watching this thread with interest as my neighbour is behaving in a very similar way, the difference being we both have DDs the same age.

I would approach the neighbour and I would suggest going to the house when her DH is there as he will talk to you. Perhaps say to him ' that you were wondering why she won't talk to either of you and say that you have only noticed this since being pregnant so are assuming this is the problem. Could she possibly be polite and at least acknowledge you as you are going to be living next door for a while if they are thinking of continuing to live there. She doesn't have to stop and talk but to at least nod or say hi when there is other people around and that you use to be friends is the mature and adult thing to do'

Remember (I don't mean this to be harsh) but it isn't your fault that you have a child and she doesn't. Unfortunately things happen differently for each couple and you can never guarantee how long it is going to take when TTC.

Good Luck and remember to still be nice

Ooh no I wouldn't bring up the TTC thing yourself. If you're wrong she really will be offended.

How about, next time you say hello and she doesn't - call her name, walk up to her and just say, in a concerned way - "look, have I offended you in some way?"

See what she says. You haven't got anything to lose, after all.

Still LOLing at victoriascrumptious's comment.

If she were struggling with the TTC issue, then I would understand her not being able to chat, socialise etc.

However, if she's giving you dirty looks and deliberately blanking you, then that sounds more to me like you've inadvertantly done something to annoy her?

If she's glaring because you have a baby and she doesn't, then SHE is the one being unreasonable.

How much do you care about this woman's opinion/friendship? Can you really be bothered...?!

It sounds as though there is a misunderstanding. Maybe she feels hurt by something you said, which you're not aware of. You'll never know unless you ask her. I think ignoring her back would not solve anything.

what a rude way for her to behave, no matter how much she may be hurting.
I would not try to reason with her. She sounds unhinged

The thing is, being ignored/blanked/snubbed by your neighbour feels terrible. Every time you see her, you feel sick inside. If you've never experienced this issue, it's hard to imagine the feeling it gives you. Whenever her Dc's father visits, I can hear him yawn in a big mouthed, ignorant man kind of way. He turns up the music loud or the TV. All the time she was blanking me(he blanked/s me too)it all wound me up inside, but since we cleared the air, it doesn't.

Better to sort it out IME.

Yeah'd have to know the reason why too.

Maybe you should nip it in the bud now before it turns into a scenario i had with our neighbours. We were good friends and then a new neighbour moved in, and suddenly our old neighbours took offence with our new friendship.

They went from ignoring us, to verbal abuse in the street every time they saw us. We even had to go to the police when it was getting too threatening and it was only resolved when they moved away.

Its not a nice atmosphere so maybe you could get the two blokes together and get them to test the water first.