to have no sympathy for people who find themselves unexpectedly pregnant...

[wannaBe]

Im not talking about people who have had contraceptive failures, but about those who don't use contracepteion and then find that after they've had sex they are pregnant. I mean it's not rocket science is it?

Friend thinks she may be pregnant. She has a 5 month old baby. Says she will be devastated if she is pregnant, and in the next breath "the dr did give me a prescription for the pill but I couldn't be bothered to take them."

Well sorry but if you have unprotected sex then chances are you will get pregnant...

[IDRINKTOOMUCHANDCANTSTOP]

I got pregnant by "surprise" with dd1, ok my fault as I was between contraceptions..dd2 was more or less planned, I was really really broody for another one but we had to wait for a few months as financially it was not great. Then I got pregnant again, split condom, map was not effective so I had to have a termination. On the day I have found out I was pg, I was booked to have a coil fitted

[mummy22gawjusskidz]

IMO there is a huge difference between an unplanned pregnancy and an unwanted one.

I was told I would never be able to conceive, so i started to be lacksidasicle (sp?) but i dont for one min regret my little princess.
I was then told only last year again 3 times within three months that I would not be able to have any more, I was given everything from blood tests to internals as i would be on my period every 2 weeks or so and be on for around 10-12 days so the 'business' was very few and far between! the only thing i wasnt given was a scan, routine tests later on in the summer revealed i was pg with #2! so yes i would say it is possible, im quite rounded anyway shall we say and he was laying towards my back initially so i didnt feel any movements until late on.
yes i did feel ill over the summer which i thought was due to all the differnt pills i was given to pop by the gynaes, they worked out i would have been 12weeks when i had the internal and the doc then told me my cervix was swollen when in fact it wss just closed and prob just been aggrovated from being violated so much! lol

sorry for the long message, but just wanted to say to wannabe, no matter what your opinion i think your friend obviously respects you a great deal to be able to tell you this and whether you agree with her decision or not, it seems like she is only after your support, and i dont mean financially obviously, i mean shoulder to cry on when her hormones get too much, etc xxxxx

[mummy22gawjusskidz]

I meant to say although Ds was a huge suprise i dont regret him for one minute neither although it did take a few days to sink in.

do think your friend was not thinking about the prescription for the pill but if nothing else just be there for her iykwim xxxxx

[sweetss]

I sometimes wonder if people who know how babies are made, decide not to use contraception and become pregnant are maybe sub-counsciously trying to conceive...

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

Or just think it won't happen to them, more likely.

[FAQtothefuture]

sweets - do we were very drunk.

I thihnk DH's reaction to my 3rd pg was evidence enough that he really didn't want anymore.

[chegirl]

I dont know about no sympathy. Once someone is pg its nice to be supportive. No point in being anything else really.

But I am always amazed at the amount of women who 'find' themselves pg after having unprotected sex.

I used to buy all those trash mags when DD was ill. We used to read them and feel smug because even our horrible life was better than most of the people featured

I think a good 90% of the pg women in the articles just sort of got pg by suprise. All very odd. I am not talking about one off drunken shags, contraceptive failure, I mean people having regular unprotected sex and then 'ooops how the hell did that happen'

Oh, all the above applies to Jeremy Kyle too.

[monkeyfacegrace]

I havn't read the whole thread properly, but I do know some people are more fertile than others. I had sex ONCE with Ex-H (before I conceieved-I wish I meant ever but unfort.not!), and got preg with dd. Then it took a week of trying with OH to conceive ds. (had period, and he works away a lot, so we had sex prob 4 times in the week after I came off and guess what, preg again). Mum jokes that if me and oh hang our underwear together on the washing line Id be preg again. So Im kinda thinking YABU for thinking only irresponsible ppl get preg by accident, but also YANBU for thinking there are limits to how stupid people can be...

[oneopinionatedmother]

i was mildly suprised i was pg with both mine - first as it came hot on the heels of a miscarriage, second as I hadn't had a period since giving birth (which can make it hard to judge when to start pill iyswim).

Not unwelcome though.

maybe your friend needs some comfort instead of judgement? To be assured that either

1. she can cope, lots of people do ..or..
   
2. it is not wrong to have an abortion of a child that you can't cope with see timesonline.typepad.com/alphamummy/2007/04/why_i_believe_a.html

[Maveta]

I agree, I am continually shocked at just how many of my friends don´t use contraception, or use the withdrawal method or a very vague rhythm method (i.e. not ovulation kits etc just ´i don´t think i can get pregnant right now in my cycle) yet openly say they don´t want kids just now/would freak if they found they were pregnant/have abortions etc.

I was supportive when a close friend found herself in the above situation (she terminated) but also thought . Not sure the two are mutually exclusive.

[FAQtothefuture]

"I think a good 90% of the pg women in the articles just sort of got pg by suprise. All very odd. I am not talking about one off drunken shags,"

phew - that doesn't include me then - DS1 was plannned (but still only took the once) DS2 sort of talked about (drunken shag which was a bit of a shock as I'd been phsyically unable to have sex for getting on for 3yrs). DS3 was hoped for by me, and not wanted at all by DH - cue another surprise drunken shag (me only just "sober" enough to say yeah lets do it ) when our relationship was already on the rocks

oops .

I now don't have sex if I've been drinking .

[ilovemydogandmrobama]

YABU -- babies are always good news

[Tryharder]

LOL at WanneBe's friend saying she wouldn't have any more children ever shortly after her DC was born.

I can remember saying something very similar to DH the day after DS2 was born.

[raindroprhyme]

I don't think you can be unsympathetic, they are your friend and are in a pickle.

I will however jump on anyone who says they got pregnant by mistake! even if they are using contraceptive.

You can get pregnant by accident as in contraceptive failure or thnking you were on a safe day in your cycle.

But I have never had sex by mistake.

[traceybath]

Well i used to agree with you and couldn't understand friends who were surprised to get pregnant the second or third time. I mean - we all know how the birds and the bees works.

And now i sit here a day away from unplanned dc3's birth.

In my defence - took 2 years to conceive ds2 and was still bf him when i fell pregnant with dc3. So we were very complacent about contraception and wasn't back on my normal pill because of bf.

However i wouldn't expect sympathy - it was a surprise but a lovely one.

I personally blame Barack Obama as was so overjoyed he got elected that drank too much wine and well - lets just say that condoms apparently don't work when left in the bedside drawer .

Also after thinking for a long time that i had infertility issues i would never expect sympathy for an unplanned pregnancy.

[sleeplessinstretford]

i would also like to add that two of my last antenatal group are accidentally pregnant with dc number 2 one was taking the pill properly and the other using condoms.

[Devongirl]

ilovemydogandmrobama - I'm guessing you didn't watch the programme about the 15 year old twin mums last night? Did anyone? Eeek I really despair at sex education!

I must admit that I really struggle to understand how accidental pregnancies happen if you REALLY don't want to get pregnant. I've had my fair share of sex throughout my life using condoms (the pill really didn't agree with me at all), but got pregnant on my wedding night which was the first time having unprotected sex ever for me (aged 35!)

For this one I'm carrying, it took 2 cycles of unprotected sex. In between we had 3 years of using condoms. It just doesn't seem that difficult really but it can't just be accidental that they worked absolutely fine all those times can it?

[Renwein]

DS1 was conceived after two and a half years of trying and IVF. We were told we had about a one per cent chance of conceiving naturally and it wasn't going to happen if it didn't happen after two years so, after a few months, left the rest to nature. Nearly four years later, we'd decided not to do IVF again and I'd reconciled myself to only having one DC, pointing out all the advantages to myself. A week after being promoted, I found myself pregnant with DS2 (now nearly six weeks old). I was quite gutted and ambivalent for a long time (and might even feel that way occasionally now at 4am feed time or with two DSs screaming for attention in different ways) but got round to seeing it as a bonus. That said, I won't be leaving anything to chance now. I'll be banging on the door for the pill at my six week check. Though,do agree with marenmj that having a newborn is a very effective method of contraception in itself!

[Devongirl]

Sorry traceybath, I guess your explanation clears up my point, should have read it first! Lol at Barack Obama comment! x

[Qally]

YANBU to think it's daft, but unfortunately if there were penalties that severe for daftness across the board, I'd be in trouble in all sorts of ways in other areas of life. I do also think that until you've had a baby, the concept that sex can create life is awfully theoretical and somehow inherently unlikely. I mean, a shag is very nice, but it does seem a bit... minimal, compared with the outcome. It's rather like dying - you know the theory, you just don't in your innermost heart think it'll ever happen to you.

As to the confusion on provision under the NHs - different health authorities have different rules with regard to NHS termination. It's a myth that there's unrestricted access in all areas. The NHS own website acknowledges that some women will have to go privately. An article called "Abortion By Postcode" in the Nursing Times said that: "Some UK area health authorities are using judgemental criteria to restrict access to abortions. Whilst in Scotland nearly all abortions are funded by the National Health Service (NHS), in Solihull, England, just 45% of abortions in 1998 were NHS-funded. A number of other UK areas funded under 60% of abortions. Factors relating to NHS abortion provision include already having had one or two abortions, the financial position of patients, contraception and age." I actually saw a breakdown of the various NHS area guidelines when I was at university and the pro-Life groups were trying to have anti-abortion beliefs enshrined in the SU, and the inconsistencies were striking. Total lottery. One area wouldn't let women have more than one unless they were on benefits, under 18, or had a couple of kids under 5 already. It made me uncomfortable not just because it was judgey, but because it wasn't treating abortion as acceptable because of the women's right to determine what happened in her own body - it was making judgements about whose mothering had value.

[canttouchthis]

YABU OP, be supportive of your friend, irrespective of your views. Anyone that is pregnant just needs someone there to listen to.

I do think it's a bit daft to deliberately not use contraception and then wonder when you have an 'accident', 'ohh how did that happen'. most adults know the score when it comes to contraception and how our bodies work.

I am now considering insisting DH uses condoms (once I've pierced holes in them!) so that we can have an 'accident'. Been ttc for what seems like an age now...

[Paolosgirl]

I used to tell people (those I knew well I hasten to add, not all and sundry!) that our condom had split, because I was too embarrassed to admit that we hadn't used any contraception that one time.

Always take claims that the condom split or the pill didn't work with a pinch of salt - yes, I know they are not 100% reliable, but there may be reasons for not admitting to using no contraception.

[edam]

People do daft things. And make mistakes. No idea why this appears to be news to some posters on this thread - it's normal human behaviour, for heaven's sake.

Being nasty to a friend who has got themselves into difficulty, even if they should have seen it coming, is Not Really On.

[chegirl]

My OH appeared to be mightly suprised every time I told him I was pg. As if it had nothing whatsoever to do with him .

I had a friend who I was really fond of. She already had two when I first met her. Her first when she was just 16. She then went on to have another 3, we moved away, I got in contact and she had just had another one and she has had another one since we last spoke. For all I know there could be more. She is quite a bit younger than me so has got a good 7 or so years still.

Thing is she always swore blind these kids were conceived whilst using contraception. Not in a million years. Each time the youngest got close to school age she would 'fall' pg again. She always put it down to antibiotics. You would think she would have taken extra precautions by the time she slipped up with number 3 or so wouldnt you

Bless her, I dont know why she wouldnt admit to it. I think she felt she needed to keep up the pretence that she was dying to get into work. Her kids were all lovely, she cared for them brilliantly and she and her OH seemed to have a great realationship. They were really crowded though so maybe she thought she would be judged for adding more to the mayhem?

I miss her and her mad ways.