to have no sympathy for people who find themselves unexpectedly pregnant...

[wannaBe]

Im not talking about people who have had contraceptive failures, but about those who don't use contracepteion and then find that after they've had sex they are pregnant. I mean it's not rocket science is it?

Friend thinks she may be pregnant. She has a 5 month old baby. Says she will be devastated if she is pregnant, and in the next breath "the dr did give me a prescription for the pill but I couldn't be bothered to take them."

Well sorry but if you have unprotected sex then chances are you will get pregnant...

[clairly]

i think its a bit mean to be so judgemental against her, after all she is your FRIEND?
Perhaps you should tell her this rather than bitching behind her back on the net?

[pasturesnew]

Well once your friend is pregnant you have to be nice to her, don't you, and you can't be sure whether what people say is really what happened e.g. I am sure some people I know who "accidentally" got pg with DC3 whilst breastfeeding were actually trying to conceive DC3 but did not want to say so because we were colleagues and they were aware of general conversations behind their backs complaining about them returning from maternity leave pregnant.

Anyway, all pregnancies are a "surprise" even if they're planned in the sense that you don't know it will be that particular day or month when conception will take place, just as when babies are born each new person is a surprise and a wonder of the world [soppy emoticon needed].

[Sickofbloodyswineflu]

YANBU

I have no patience for people who cant fathom the basic principles of contraception.

[summerparade]

YABU I tried for years to conceive. My first pregancy (which ended in a mmc) was as a result of injecting fertility drugs to ensured I ovulated. Then to my absolute delight and total suprise I had ds1. I then used nothing at all because I thought considering my history becoming pregnant was going to be difficult I then had another mc when ds1 was 15 months and then had ds2 when ds1 was 2.2 years. Family complete I was devasted to find out I was pregnant again earlier in the year and equally devastated to lose it a few weeks later! I think years of trying had got me in the mindset of "I don't get pregnany very easily" when quite obviously I now do! My mum has said to me after years of finding out what causes it I now need to find out how to stop it!!! I am now on the pill btw and take it religiously!

[chegirl]

But zola because of your circumstances surely you didnt think 'how the hell did that happen?' because there was always a chance that it would.

I am sure it was a suprise as your method had been working well but its doesnt really but you in the same category as women who dont use any contraception (natural or otherwise), have regular sex and then go all when they get pg.

Anyway, as I have already said, I think the only thing you can do once someone is pg is be supportive.

Even if the mum to be is 15, single, pg by a bastard etc they are pg so what is to be gained from being all ?

[Scrumplet]

DS was a surprise in as much as, before I took the pill (for non-contraceptive reasons), I had had a number of blood tests, over several years, indicating that I didn't ovulate. So I thought that when I did want to plan a pregnancy, I would need help to conceive. I eventually came off the pill (again, not for family planning reasons), and conceived naturally (without meaning to) within a few months. I had assumed (obviously wrongly) that this wasn't possible. I suppose I was taking a risk - but it wasn't as cut-and-dried as, well, I'll have sex and take a gamble on not conceiving, IYSWIM. DS was most definitely a happy surprise.

[Orangesarenottheonlyfruit]

I got preggers after the condom broke during sex - took the MAP next morning and am now a Mum to a gorgeous nearly two year-old. I actually met Robert Winston through my work who refused to believe that this was possible (at the time, I had a rather large bump to prove that it was...!)
TBH I was a bit judgey about accidental pregnacies until it happened to me, am now full of understanding!

[slimyak]

Morloth - I fall into this category and have a wonderful DD aged 2. We've just started TTC again but worry that at 38 it won't be as easy, maybe the unsurprizing surprize is the best way to keep the stress out of the TTC process. A kind of unspoken next step.

Off on our summer hols to france next week - I think I'll go for the wine and apple brandy ( not a whiskey fan) approach. Sounds fun and productive in more ways that one.

[Morloth]

Zola as an aside if it is the latex you are allergic to (as I am) you can get latex free ones, they are really expensive though.

I also think that when you are a free young thing you put an awful lot of effort into not getting pregnant and then when you are a married (or just settled) and getting just that little bit older you start to get a bit sloppy with it and even if you don't deliberately think "I want to get pregnant" it is in the back of your mind that it wouldn't be a complete disaster. I have many friends who fall into this category.

[Zola78]

I am currently pregnant with a surprise pregnancy and think that some of the views expressed on this page are a little narrow minded. Not everyone can use contraceptives. In my own situation I had been breastfeeding for 11 months and had been looking at my cycle to indicate when I was fertile or not and it had worked well. Until my unplanned pregnancy. I didn't want to be on any contraceptive whilst breastfeeding my baby (although 'they' say it is fine...for now) and I am allergic to condoms.

Life is not always so black and white and people aren't always aware of all their options.

[PuppyMonkey]

We did the withdrawal method you see. It worked fine for us for five years or so, and we kind of got blase about it. So it did come as a surprise when it didn't work one time. That malfunction is called Esme Bluebell and she's two and a bit now.

[FAQtothefuture]

LOL Custardo

[Tortington]

i found myself unexpectedly expecting twins. i only wanted one.

i want to sue someone

[FAQtothefuture]

you know what thumb - I think know I was.......things always work out a certain way for a reason - and that reason is sat next to me >>>>

[thumbwitch]

Arr well, you were just lucky, FAQ, weren't you!

[FAQtothefuture]

10 hours after deed with DS3 (he's STILL a determined little monkey )

[thumbwitch]

no it isn't a form of contraception, but it is effective in most cases if taken soon enough after any contraception accident - the effectiveness reduces as time goes by of course. No contraception is completely effective though - and in those cases there is a case for sympathy (if required!)

So no, I don't think I'm being harsh - just perhaps not explicit enough by not including all possible permutations and eventualities in my post.

[FAQtothefuture]

although I do agree about the "I don't know how that happened"

well it doesn't take a fucking genius to work that out .

I would argue against the "you knew it could happen and should have taken precautions if you really didn't want anymore".......some of us got too tipsy to even think about contraception .............and to be fair for us (especially with the first unplanned) it was the first time in 3 year we'd actually managed to have intercourse so I was rather shell shocked at that

DS3..........oh lets not even go there

[FAQtothefuture]

"And if anyone has a condom accident then it's really easy to get the MAP - you can either go to the GP and get a prescription for it (I think it's free) or go to the chemist and pay ~£30 for it OTC (after answering a few qus)."

A little harsh don't you think - as has already been pointed out the MAP isn't a form of contraception - and many of us will also attest that it often doesn't work (not that I'd swap DS3 for the world.....he's just so gorgeous right now )

[thumbwitch]

I understand where you are coming from Wannabe - I don't have a lot of sympathy with women who should know better getting pg by accident and saying things like "I don't know how it happened" - well it's not your first, so you bloody well ought to have worked it out by now!

My bro's ex got pg 3m after leaving him for another man - she "didn't know how" - and has just had the baby. But before the baby was born she had already decided that her new relationship was "doomed" - now that's irresponsible.

And if anyone has a condom accident then it's really easy to get the MAP - you can either go to the GP and get a prescription for it (I think it's free) or go to the chemist and pay ~£30 for it OTC (after answering a few qus).

Given how relatively easy it is NOT to get pg, there's no need for sympathy (unless its's sympathy for someone being really that ignorant/dim).

[FAQtothefuture]

passionfruity - it depends on how often you'd actually had sex in those 15yrs .

Actually in all seriousness I could count on one hand how often DH and I "did it" in the first 7yrs of our marriage (excluding the first month when I fell pg - again a surprise as we'd decided to start trying straight away thinking it would take a while).

[passionfruity]

Three of my 30-something married friends who become pregnant recently all said it was a surprise / not really planned and I couldn't for the life of me understand how that could be - as others have said, they managed to avoid unplanned pregnancies for the last 15 years (assuming no abortions).

However, it turns out that they all thought it takes several months for your body to 'go back to normal' after coming of the pill when in fact it is possible to get pregnant straight away.

[chegirl]

My OH appeared to be mightly suprised every time I told him I was pg. As if it had nothing whatsoever to do with him .

I had a friend who I was really fond of. She already had two when I first met her. Her first when she was just 16. She then went on to have another 3, we moved away, I got in contact and she had just had another one and she has had another one since we last spoke. For all I know there could be more. She is quite a bit younger than me so has got a good 7 or so years still.

Thing is she always swore blind these kids were conceived whilst using contraception. Not in a million years. Each time the youngest got close to school age she would 'fall' pg again. She always put it down to antibiotics. You would think she would have taken extra precautions by the time she slipped up with number 3 or so wouldnt you

Bless her, I dont know why she wouldnt admit to it. I think she felt she needed to keep up the pretence that she was dying to get into work. Her kids were all lovely, she cared for them brilliantly and she and her OH seemed to have a great realationship. They were really crowded though so maybe she thought she would be judged for adding more to the mayhem?

I miss her and her mad ways.

[edam]

People do daft things. And make mistakes. No idea why this appears to be news to some posters on this thread - it's normal human behaviour, for heaven's sake.

Being nasty to a friend who has got themselves into difficulty, even if they should have seen it coming, is Not Really On.