crying because woman I have spent a lot of time trying to cultivate a friendship doesn't want it

[sycamorehelicopter]

I am a grown up woman so this is pathetic. I have lots of nice friends so this is even more pathetic.

Everyday at work I'm confronted with a woman who is new and I went out of my way since the Autumn to befriend her, and she was happy to oblige in that she was quite chatty and came back to mine for coffee and dinner with her dh.

I've also had her dc over more than once and as her dc and mine get on well.

She hasn't reciprocated once so it's highly mortifying when she arranges to meet up with others in earshot of me. I am too sensitive to point this out to her (of course or even want to dwell on it really) and as I'm pretty popular anyway I have lots of others to talk to and am always being asked to lunches/ etc.

I am just so stunned by this rejection especially as I'm not really a clingy/jealous/type. She is nice enough to me but she is obviously avoiding me I think.

I am cool about it on the outside and remain cordial and polite but inside I am so hurt I felt like my self confidence has nosedived and I'm unable to get a grip. I would go as far as to say it has plunged me into a kind of depression.

I don't go out of my way to speak to her any more but she has badly affected me. How can I move on when these overwhelmingly humiliating feelings come back to me everyday now?

It's really made me question myself and how I come across.

[Chandra]

If playing the moral highground is going to hurt you, just don't play it. Protect yourself by not getting more involved in this

[sycamorehelicopter]

Ok so now I need to perfect a technique whereby I appear stand offish but would still really like to be invited to something! (tbh what on earth for???????????? Oh yes! To be able to turn it down )

[pembslass]

On another note, when I was at school and university I was the leader of the pack-even bordering on being a total bully at school.

It's amazing how many people were desperate to be my friend back then. I think it's maybe a fear or protection thing. The more mean I was-the more people likes me

Now i'm the total opposite and I struggle with incidences like you just described which make me sad and upset

[sycamorehelicopter]

Colours are not 'in' colours [grin}

[pembslass]

Nah Sycamore-don't bother with this girl anymore. She already feels you to be beneath her notice-Just be a bit more standoffish with future people. OR just carry on being your lovely self and that way maybe you'll atract other lovely people rather than the dross like her

[sycamorehelicopter]

Pemblass how interesting! This woman certainly perked up when she knew other dc were coming back to mine. Almost as if she was only interested if others were. But who knows.

[pembslass]

Yeah she's following the herd. Sad pathetic creature. blergh

[junglist1]

Stay away from her. She's not worth your time and is an insecure cow. I don't understand why women do this, why trample on nice people? Don't let her make you feel bad, you said you're popular and that's for a reason.

[canttouchthis]

stop worrying about what others think of you. you could waste your life away wondering why someone doesn't like you. i've been there and done that, it's a complete waste of your time. life is too short to dwell on it. move on and enjoy spending time with your true friends, you seem a lovely person. don't let people like that get you down, they are the losers here,not you.

[JemL]

When I first read your OP, I was going to say perhaps she has got a thing about inviting people to hers - this is something I really struggle with, a lot of the new people I have met since having DS - in fact all of them, now I think about it - have nice houses and gardens, and can invite us round for barbecues etc, and we live in a really small flat on a main road (although we do have a balcony ) I am conscious that I am reluctant to return people's invites and therefore some people do think i am just not interested in being friends with them. However it sounds like that is really not an issue for this woman. It is hard, but it is no reflection on you - the fact that you have other friends shows that.

[foreveroptimistic]

This really is identical to the other thread.

[sycamorehelicopter]

jeml do not let the fact you have a flat put you off inviting people around!

I have never lived in a flat before or looked out over a balcony and I would love to go and visit you if you were my friend and invited me!