to not want people to I don't know to touch my baby?

[supagirl]

WHY when I am out and about with my dd who is 1, do total starngers think it's ok to come up and touch her.

Yes, she's adorable, I am very proud of her and happy for you to come over and interact with her, but WHY do you have to touch her????

I am fed up with people grabbing her hands, touching her face, tickling her and one lady even put her finger in her mouth!!!! I don't know you, I don't know if you've washed your hands after using the loo or whatever and you are total strangers to my dd so PLEASE respect her personal space a little!

I have had this with all my LO's and have not yet figured out a way to stop it from happening. Now I am pg again and have people touching my bump AS WELL which I also don't like!

Does this bug other people or aibu?

SG

[blinder]

Of course babies have a sense of personal space. They just can't tell you about it.

As I said earlier, I wouldn't do to a baby what I wouldn't do to an adult. That includes pawing them without permission.

It's got nothing to do with being unfriendly and everything to do with respect. I melt when I see a baby like every other woman. And I love children. I involve my children completely in my life and friendships and my son is sociable and warm. I just don't touch babies that I am a stranger to. Why is this so difficult to understand I wonder?

[Olifin]

I think it is possible to understand you without agreeing with you blinder!

The fact is, there always have and always will be people who like to touch babies and who do it almost without thinking. All you can do at the time is ask them not to.

[blinder]

yes Olifin that makes sense. I understand why people find babies irresistable. And I know it's absolutely fine for some mothers. I'm just a bit prickly about being seen as un-child friendly, and it being blamed on me being British! Very unfair!

[Olifin]

Yes, a bit of an assumption there perhaps blinder. I think we can agree that it's not an exclusively British thing. Though possibly more common here and in the States than it would be on the Continent.

[supagirl]

Blimey, seems a lot of people have an opinion on this.

I think a few have missed the point though tbh.

We have a wide social circle and my friends and family are all very welcome to hold/hug/touch/kiss/tickle my dd. I KNOW them and I have no problem with that at all.

I am also a very sociable person - I will chat to people in a lift/at the bus stop etc and think it's great when people interact with dd. I like to see the pleasure she brings to people and the pleasure she gets from interacting with others. I have no problem with this at all, I just think touching/tickling etc is overstepping the mark. Why isn't talking to her, playing peek aboo, waving etc enough?? It is the touching by strangers that I object too.

I just thought I ought to clarify that as a few people seem to have missed that.

Also, to the comment that I will be moaning in a few years that people aren't interested......I have 3 other older kids and I have never moaned about this! They are now 10, 6 and 5. I also don't think Britain is child un-friendly and this is not something I moan about either. I regularly take my kids out to restaurants and things and they have been made very welcome. I am pleased to see kids menus improving (albeit slowly) so there is more than just sausage and chips on offer. I love taking the kids to London and think it's great that they travel free on the underground and there is so much for us to do with free entry......

I would be disappointed to think that peoples tolerance of children was linked to whether or not they are encouraged to touch babies and think this is a very woolly argument tbh.

The differences of opinion and lively debate are great to see......some of the generalisations are not so good though :O/

SG

[pranma]

I always ask Mum or carer,'May I touch her hand/speak to her etc.'As for fingers in mouth that is not acceptable at all imho.

[Sakura]

I'm in two minds about this. When I read this thread it does sound unreasonable to be annoyed by people simply wanting to stroke a cute child. But when I see it from my daughter's point of view, it just becomes unnacceptable. First of all she has to deal with it 5-6 times a day (she is mixed race- we live in a homogenous society). It gets tiring having people sticking their hands on her without even greeting her first. You wouldn'T do it to an adult. I don't want her growing up believing its okay for any old so and so to just have a right to her body because they have an opinion about whether she's cute or not.
I've had people wave in her face and then get offended at her if she doesn't wave back (for the 6th time that day).

[jabberwocky]

YANBU, I really hate this kind of thing. Have also had someone put their fingers in ds1's mouth when he was a baby and was

I used a sling with both babies and found it was a great way to position them in a way to keep their space "private". I don't mind having someone comment on their cuteness or touch a leg or foot but otherwise...no touching.

Call me a germaphobic/private space freak

[argow]

You are definatly NOT being unreasonable. My friend has a one year old daughter & even though ive known her since she was born i still allways ask to pick her up.

I am not a mother myself but if i had children i would go mad if strangers touched my baby ( god knows where their hands been). You are definatly not being unreasonable its rude of people to start touching someone elses baby without asking.

Some people are saying they wouldnt mind but would you go up to an adult & start tickling them or stroking their face? whereas an adult would tell you to fuck off a child has to depend on its mother to say it for them

YANBU just tell people you dont like it

hate the bump toucing too

[sb9]

Stumbled across this so thought id share. When my daugter was 6 weeks old i was in a shop, whilst paying the shop assistant came behind me and before i knew it had my baby out of the pram and was rocking her! I was so upset at this as its fine to coo and smile etc but to actually pick her up???!

[missmem]

I think it's really important not to push our views of personal space onto our children. Young children communicate through touch (that's why babies stick things in their mouths) and will often touch a stranger before a stranger touches them. They do not have the same personal space issues that we do. Stroking a child's hand or head is a way of connecting with a child and making them feel at ease. It can be quite daunting for a child when mum/dad is talking to a stranger and they are detatched from the child.

Picking up a child is different unless they are screaming and no one is around to comfort them. Instead of being angry, shame on the parent for leaving the kid!

As for bumps, I have no idea why we are all drawn to them but I think we should all chill and be happy that people are caring. It would be a tragedy for our children to grow up in a society where our kids are ignored. We are one of the only societies that does not embrace kids and if you go to the continent people hug and squeeze kids that they do not know. They are nurtured and loved by all members of society and have very few "issues" in the same way our isolated teenagers do in the UK.

[supagirl]

Why is there no happy medium?

Why is it a case that you are either happy for people to touch your child as they see fir or you are uptight with personal space issues and to blame for peoples perceptions of older children/teenagers?

to the PP - of course it would be a shame for our children to grow up in a society where children are ignored, but I don't think allowing my child to interact fully (including hugging, touching etc) within our wide social circle of freinds and family and expecting that strangers, while welcome to interact with my child through smiles, talking, waving etc but just refrain from tickling her, poking fingers in her mouth and so on, will lead to this.

SG

[pigletmania]

I have absolutely no problem with people tickling, talking or holding my daughters hand, or stroking her hair, which is what they did when she was younger. I would not like them kissing her or putting their fingers in her mouth which is downright unhygenic considering all the diseases that go round.

I think that that we have gone too far with this paedophillia thing, that people are scared to even look at a child incase they are accused of being a paedophile. It really depends who it is, if its a dirty old man or somone who makes you feel uneasy, than i would feel the same was as you supagirl, but if its a kind old lady/man or someone who i feel comfortable with thats a different story.

[blinder]

I'm with you supagirl - plenty too much armchair psychobabble and speculation about 'personal space issues', being 'anti-social', being from a 'reserved' culture, being 'anti-child' or being obsessed with paedophilia! I think we have been given the full set there.

Just ask me first before you touch my baby, strangers - she is a person too. No need for the therapeutic analysis.

BTW I am a qualified and practising psychotherapist and counsellor. I'm aware of my 'issues' and none of the genuine ones have been spotted so far by posters. 1 round of applause for the first poster to bust me on a real one . It's quite normal (although not universal of course) to allow personal space to babies. A bit of tolerance please and a bit less prejudicial speculation.