Not to want to child-proof my home

[GodzillasBumcheek]

...because my relatives are visiting and their kids can't keep off my ornaments/bookshelf/electricals etc?

Why do they think i want them to visit if i am going to be constantly rescuing my things from their child? Shouldn't they be doing the running around (at least some of the time), or have taught them by 18 months not to grab everything in sight; and by three years, shouldn't they know NOT to bash electronic equipent on the floor/throw items towards the telly?

[Oblomov]

Agree, thsi has nothing to do with child proffing. It is having 'friends' round, whose children show no respect at all.
I don't mind moving bits and watching them like a hawk so that nothing of mine gets damaged AND so that they don't hurt themselves. But a total lack of respect ? NO> And why are the parents not paying attention. Totally different thing.

[Oblomov]

I never really child proffed our house. We had a stair gate for a few weeks/months.
Moved a few things up high. That was it.
Some children you just don't need to. Others are into EVERYTHING.

[Kewcumber]

Ds at 18 months (and probably still at 2.7) could trash a house. Of course I would follow him around stopping him but it wasn't restful for anyone - including any hosts who were leaving they're preciosu stuff in grabbing distance of a toddler.

I just stopped visting non-child friendly people.

[ThatBigGermanPrison]

PMSFL

"I taught my child the word 'No' and he understands that!"

Mine understands it too.

he didn't obey it.

He didn't obey it if I punished him.

He didn't obey it if I distracted him.

He didn't obey it no matter hwat I did.

He started obeying it when he was 4. He started obeying it when he had developed the self control to think before he acted.
my second child understood and obeyed the word 'no' - in fact, my second child has gone some way to reassuring me that I am an effective parent, after being ground to jelly by a child who Just Doesn't Stop.

However, melrose, congratulations on your good luck. You got an easier child.

[Kewcumber]

"Ever heard of the word no in a strict voice and 'the stare of death'?" yes and I've also heard of a toddler that thinks both are hilarious.

[ThatBigGermanPrison]

Oh Tori, you too can join the ranks of "One docile little girl and I know all there is to know about setting boundires. She obeys me because she knows I mean business!"

She doesn't. She obeys you because she has the self control to stop herself doing something she really wants to do in fear of the consequences you impose.

Ds1 couldn't stop touching an electric fence.

[ReallyTired]

I worry more about very young children being "trained" and placid than them exploring and learnng about the world.

Rather than saying "don't touch" its better to say to a child "look and feel this". Smell this piece of orange or some other safe way of stimulating the senses. Children need these sort experiences to develop their brains. Baby proofing the house helps to keep your child in an area that is safe for exploration.

Being into everything and a bit of whirlwind is normal. It certainly does not mean the child has special needs. Our community paediatrian told us that she loved seeing a toddler who into everything. She was more worried about a child who shows zero interest in their enviromnent.

Incidently my whirlwind toddler has turned into a beautifully behaved child. It has required no training although sorting out his hearing problems has helped.

[nooka]

My sister's son was into everything to a degree that was quite difficult as a small child, and he didn't seem to understand no very much at all. He was diagnosed with autism aged about 6. When they came and visited I stripped the house so there was nothing that he could get into that would cause a problem because I wanted my sister to be able to relax. I know she really appreciated this because visiting was generally very stressful for them. I would do the same for any friend. An hour of so of thought leading to an enjoyable afternoon is surely a reasonable trade off? Different if they are not precisely invited, and if you don't really like them I guess. I don't judge other people's children by my children, as all children are different (having two helps you appreciate this). I have brought my two up, with help from friends and family. I have not "trained" them, and wouldn't want to (I don't expect them to "perform").

If it's a big deal, then make sure they don't visit again.

[meglet]

YAB at bit U. Your relatives won't have much of a visit if they are chasing their kids around all the time. Can't you just move the most previous stuff at least?

Some kids just have to get into everything. My 20 month old is a mixture of Genghis Kahn and a mountain goat. He pays no attention to what we tell him, it's a bit of a nightmare TBH but I daresay he'll grow out of it. We have a playpen and stairgates.

[Oblomov]

GermanPrison, are you serious ?
Your children didn't respond to "no" until aged 4.
They didn't do as you asked and you had no control over them until after they were 4. Surely that is not what you mean.
That can't be right.

[Oblomov]

So what did you do, with ds1, then ?

[ReallyTired]

GermanPrison,

Don't worry my son didn't respond to the word "no" at the age of two years old.

He had so much glue in his ears and constant perforations he responded to the word "no" as much as a doorpost.

I prefered to avoid situations than having to use the word "no". It made everyone's life happier.

[ThatBigGermanPrison]

Yes it is what I mean, who says it can't be right? My oldest son did not respond reliably to the word 'no' until he was 4.

Thanks for your interest, he's currently under assessment by CAMHs. He has difficulties with impulse control, sitting still, and concentrating. I don't know why he has these difficulties. That's why I recently had to fill in a questionnaire detailing his bad points - not a highlight of my parenting career.

People used to say "That's not right" when he was 2, and not speaking. People used to say "That's not right" when he was 3 and not making normal eye contact. People said "that's not right" when I was scrubbing faeces out of his pants until he was 3.5. People have said "That's not right" all his poor little bloody life and it makes me feel like shit, do you think I'd chose this?

He drank liquid soap at 10 pm last night. That's not right either.

I can't take him anywhere because he gets distracted and runs off. That's not right.

In shops, it doesn't matter how much I punish, reward, distract, observe, occupy, supervise or sometimes physically restrain, he touches and fiddles and touches and fiddles until I feel like cutting his fingers off just to get some frigging respite.

But when he was 1, he was a dollfaced jolly little baby - who made eye contact, smiled, laughed and crawled, didn't utter a word, and was completely oblivious to the word 'No'.

I looked like a shit parent then, I look like a shit parent now, and it's only when he is at school making the staff look like ineffective teachers (they found him in the disabled toilet playing with the taps, they found him upstairs in the staff room, it goes on) when I am alone with Ds2, who is chatty, jolly, interactive and obedient to as great an extent as a 2 year old can be when I look like I have any control at all.

yes, Ds1 has a Gamecube, he plays on it for 20 minutes a day while I have a shower. I don't have a partner to take the load off.

That's not bloody right either.

[handlemecarefully]

Read OP only...

YABU. Get a grip! How uptight!

Your expectations of 18 month olds are surreal (my dc are 4 and 6 so I am not personally invested in this)

[handlemecarefully]

I have this quaint old fashioned notion that I like my visitors to be comfortable, so I wouldn't want a parent of an 18 month old to be 'running around' as you say, trying to control an enthusiastic and tactile child. I would rather take a few sensible measures (such as putting away things that are attractive to children and fragile) before the visitors come.

However I wouldn't expect visiting parents to abdicate all responsibility either. Its called...I believe...'give and take'

[ReallyTired]

((((((((((((ThatBigGermanPrison ))))))))))))

I'm sorry to hear that your son is having such a hard time.

[Oblomov]

BigGermanPrison, I did not know that your son had SN. My apologies.

[Sugarmagnolia]

Well mine are 5 and 7 now but when they were babies I used to spend the first few hours at my parents house going round collecting pairs of scissors, staplers, cleaning products, glass vases etc and putting them out of reach. My mum always made sure there were plenty of clean towels but took no notice of the deadly objects that lay scattered everywhere. I still can't figure out why she owns so many pairs of scissors and why she needs them out all the time!

[KnickersOnMaHead]

Message withdrawn

[sophiebbb]

tori32 - when I say "no" DS1 (19mths) looks at me, grins and says "no" back. He is only 19 mths FGS!!

Just accept that you are lucky to have such a well behaved DD1. They are not all like that despite the parents doing the same things with them!

I don't believe what you describe is "training" and if it is then I feel sorry for your DD1 - it is simply that she has self-control and has that type of personality. I have a DD2 (3 mths) and she has a completely different temperament to DS1 and I believe will behave in a completely different way despite being treated in the same way.

[ReallyTired]

sophiebbb,
I bet your little boy is lovely (even if he is hard work)

I think that people forget that these chidren are babies. They are in nappies and don't even understand what a toilet is!

From what I seen second time mothers tend to be more laid back. Prehaps the first born children think its a laugh to get their mum to chase after them removing anything remotely intersting.

I have a friend with 8 kids and she is so laid back as to be horizontal. I only have one child and I panicked about everything.

[sophiebbb]

ReallyTired - he is adorable and full of life! I agree with your Tues 22 July 12.24pm post. Distraction is the best policy at the moment!

[GodzillasBumcheek]

Well finally got back on MN after so long (well it felt like a long time), to find that yet again several people have completely ignored most of what i have said.

The two children in question do not have SN (as far as we know), they have a lack of consistent discipline. I CAN'T move my tv and an entire tall bookshelf of items every time anyone with small children visits the house, and it's totally unrealistic to expect me to.

Also, i had very little advanced warning of the 18 mo's visit (about 30 mins), as i was expecting to visit her later on in the day, so how (whilst also looking after my DD) would i conjure from thin air a place to tidy every small item/ornament/piece of paper in the downstairs of the house to, and the time to do it in?

Oh, and FYI, my DD of 19 months not has been trained not to pull at everything in sight, and that some things in a room are adults things/breakable and are off limits. Yes, i say trained, just like when she is ready she will be trained to use a potty. Just like people have training to do their jobs...WTF is wrong with training?

She has most certainly not had her very inquisitive spirit broken by this either - she is well into everything she can be. I am very firm with my discipline. Usually saying 'no', or telling her why not to touch something works well because she knows if i don't want her to touch it, she will only get taken away from it anyway. Obviously it doesn't stop her exploring new things because oddly enough, i don't say no to everything.

Nooka - there are no soft play places within walking distance! Even the playgrounds near here are mostly quite decrepit - vandals keep breaking the swings (DDs fave).

[katebee]

I don't think it is just about discipline. Some 18 mth old children are more inquisitive than others and some children respond more to "no" than others. We needed to childproof our house for DS but DD was a lot easier and didn't ever make for plug socket switches or empty drawers etc. Maybe if you had an 18 mth old DS you would find it harder to stop him going for things.

I do think the children's parents should be keeping a close watch on their children while they are staying with you, and should certainly not let them bang things on the TV or similar. The 3 yr old should know not to bang things on window or TV etc.

However, I would try to move a few ornaments at low level and any electrical wires that can be pulled by 18 mth old (ie. light leads). With bookcases we made sure the books were solidly packed together so it was much harder for a book to be removed.

I must say I would have been clueless about child proofing before having children. Now that we have had 2 I do my best to accommodate children visiting by finding a few toys appropriate to their age etc.