Not to want to child-proof my home

[GodzillasBumcheek]

...because my relatives are visiting and their kids can't keep off my ornaments/bookshelf/electricals etc?

Why do they think i want them to visit if i am going to be constantly rescuing my things from their child? Shouldn't they be doing the running around (at least some of the time), or have taught them by 18 months not to grab everything in sight; and by three years, shouldn't they know NOT to bash electronic equipent on the floor/throw items towards the telly?

[sophiebbb]

No Spidermama you are correct, I wouldn't want him to explore dung poo! But he would still touch the dung poo however many times I said no, don't do that!!! In fact, that would make him MORE LIKELY to want to touch it!!!

And I would simply get fed up of saying "no, no, no, don't touch that" all day long, so I have therefore childproofed my home to make life less stressful.

So I repeat, please let these people know how you feel because I personally would choose not to visit if it would ruin the friendship and piss you off so much.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

Right, let me just point out the fundamental flaw in the logic demonstrated on this thread.

All toddlers are different.

Not all of them want to touch everything.
Not all of them want to climb everything.
Not all of them want to open and shut (repeatedly) things.
Not all of them want to investigate everything in plain sight.

They all have some kind of mix of the above.

And, you will also find that they often become 'blind' to various things in their own environment (hence not having to hide all things away after a while), which they would notice instantly in a new environment.

As it happens, I do in fact think the OP is BU.

[TheFallenMadonna]

Oh I have stuff everywhere. But my neice has been to stay. I love her and I love my sister and want us all to have a nice and (fairly) restful time. So I have moved my stuff for the duration of the weekend.

[serenity]

Some children learn quickly, some don't. If you don't like the way their DCs behave don't invite them - I can't imagine they feel very comfortable visiting anyway. My home was never childproofed, but the Dcs learnt quickly what they could and couldn't touch - unfortunately it was hard to cram months of nonstop learning regarding home into 5 minutes when you visit somewhere new and far more exciting.......

[sophiebbb]

It seems from these posts that some people have hit lucky and had children who can
"gently learn about empathy and respect for other people and their belongings".

And there are some people who have had children who simply have to touch whether I like it or not!!! I am talking 18mths here, not 3 years old.

And every child is different, even when treated the same way ie it is often not down to the parents (I am a person who like stuff as well!!!)

So....please go gentle on the parents and either childproof, or let them know how you feel in advance so they can make a decision on whether it is worth the stress to visit.

[Bronze]

I don't know if its a gender thing but my dd is much more unlikely to touch things she shouldn't and will listen when told not to that my boys would. I knew I was a crap parent I really shouldn't read these threads.

[Hannah81]

I haven't read all the thread, so forgive me if someone has already posted something similar - but children are supposed to be inquisative, I would be more worried about a child that didn't make a move for the pretty sparkly ornament shining in the sunlight.

[beanieb]

I think most people here seem to think it's only about candles and picture frames. It's pot plants and electricals. Parents should at least be stopping their children from possible electrocution and expensive damage...

[bluenosesaint]

Hence the child-proofing beanie ...

[Jonut]

DD1 was an angel and listened whenever I told her things such as 'don't touch', DD2 is the Devil incarnate and will go out of her way to touch things that I've asked her not to. Especially if I say 'Be careful, that's hot!' she has to check, just in case I'm fibbing!

[zazen]

I never 'child proofed' my house - I house proofed my child

DD's pals are all neat as well: boys and girls - most of them are PFBs like her - must be a PFB trait!!

[FAQ]

DS1 was a dream - he hardly touched anything that he shouldn't have done - I didn't "train" him at all.

Ds2 came along and I had the shock of my life he found stuff I didn't even know we had

DS3 - very similar to DS2.......

[KnickersOnMaHead]

Message withdrawn

[cory]

It depends on what you want out of your guests really? Do you want them to spend every second of their visit concentrating on their dc? Or do you want them to talk to you and show an interest in you?

If the latter, then you are being unreasonable? If the former, it hardly seems worth the bother of inviting them; they might as well do that at home. Expecting them to hold a hot drink and restrain their dc and make an intelligent contribution to the conversation just seems unreasonable.

As for those who say you trained your children, have you considered that if you did indeed train them (as opposed to being blessed with naturally un-inquisitive children), then there was presumably a stage before training was complete, non? Otherwise it wasn't training. And who says the OPs friends are not at this stage?

If your children were good from the start, I hardly think you can take any credit for the training.

My dd was quite easy to take visiting at the 18 month stage, but I don't put it down to my wonderful parenting so much as to the fact that she still hadn't learned to walk at that age. That doesn't exactly make me a better parent.

[beanieb]

...but, if a parent takes a child round to a friends house surely it is that paren't responsibility to keep an eye on them and stop them from doing things like grabbing books from shelves and throwing them on the floor, or pulling over pot plants and spreading earth on the carpet?

These are the problems the OP has, and I personally think it's unreasonable to expect people to clear bookcases of books and living rooms of potted plants just because an 18 month old chils is coming round with their parents for a visit.

[spicemonster]

I have a curious toddler. I don't expect my friends to childproof their home when we visit but neither do I expect them to leave things out where they are going to be too tempting when they could be put away (hint: if you don't want a child playing with it, don't leave your keyboard in the middle of the hallway). Also, don't expect me to stay long or hold a proper conversation with you as I will not be able to relax and my DS will be incredibly whingey because he will get very bored, very fast. And I always bring toys for him.

[cmotdibbler]

Yes, my responsibility - but means that I will not be having a fun time/able to engage in conversation/want to come back.

I have a 'toucher' and I don't expect people to clear the sitting room, but equally, I appreciate it if all the totally tempting things at child height are moved up (ornaments/breakables/Playstations)and/or the host is relaxed about it all and accepts that I will put the books back and tidy up at the end of the day.

Friends of mine were all smug with DD1 - 'oh, we just tell her not to touch and thats it. Don't know why people worry'. Then they had DS - into everything, must touch it, sees all. Its just one of those things.

[pointydog]

Apart from teh relative, don't you have friends round with their toddlers? Do you live in Dulac?

[cory]

beanieb on Mon 21-Jul-08 08:47:15
"...but, if a parent takes a child round to a friends house surely it is that paren't responsibility to keep an eye on them and stop them from doing things like grabbing books from shelves and throwing them on the floor, or pulling over pot plants and spreading earth on the carpet?"

Yes, I'm just pointing out that you then have to accept that this is how the parents will spend the visit, with their attention on the baby and not on you- i.e. don't expect them to have any time to socialise. It is unreasonable to expect them to do both that and be normal socialising adults at the same time.

Personally, I like to talk to my friends, so I would do a bit of basic child-proofing before they arrived in order to be able to enjoy their company. But if you're quite happy to sit and sip coffee on your own while your guest runs after the baby- then yes, I agree absolutely.

[beanieb]

I totally agree, basic childproofing is a given. When my friend comes round with her 4 year old I always make sure I am aware of what may be dangerous for her but I do expect her mum to keep an eye on her RE all the other things I have in my sitting room.

[3andnomore]

Godzilla...tis to easy to judge on this issue...but, you see, it hasn't really got much to do with the parenting style...it really is down to the Kids...because some do and some don't, lol...I had both and didn't do anything different...for ease of life I just decided to not have ornaments, etc....!
Obviosly this is only a visit, and of course the parents should do the running around...however, if somehting gets broken that maybe of value to you, (emotionally or because of it's worth), then, it's you that will have to live without said item...and well, if a child gets hurt, because of lack of childproofing, then, how owuld you feel about it?

Obviously, in the end it's your decision...but I suppose it also depends how much you want those visitors to visit in the first place....because, I know from personal experience, the not childproof houses weren't much fun....more stress then worth it, and therefore the visits to those places were highly limited....basically if I had to go we would, otehrwise places to be avoided....

[beanieb]

One of the children she talks about was throwing something electronic at the TV, surely a person should not be expected to remove their TV from the room? OK - hide the remote control etc but still you would expect the childs parent to notice that they might be about to hurt themselves or damage expensive property.

[Bumdiddley]

When people refer to ornaments I always think of winsome ladeez in pretty dresses with doilies under them...

[3andnomore]

well, obviously beanie....I was talking more generally....
however, if a Kid in my house did this, it would be me doing the telling off....seems to be far more powerful when someone else tells a Kid off, then it's parents....

[spicemonster]

At 3 I would expect them to know not to throw stuff at the telly, yes. 18 months is harder. It's a tricky balance - on the one hand, parents who constantly hover over their kids and tell them off irritate me immensely, on the other, those that ignore them while they post fruitloops into your DVD player are equally annoying.