Funeral flowers - help!

[Florence4170]

I know it’s not an AIBU but please help anyway.
I am going to a funeral next week, travelling the day before. Just found out that the family would like flowers. When I was bereaved I had some wonderful flowers, but so many that it was overwhelming. Everywhere I looked it was bouquets, arrangements, the door was constantly going, if I went out I’d find a floral delivery on the doorstep - so for that reason I m not keen. Beside the point really, because they want flowers. In my head I have a vision of a completely spherical posy with a ribbon handle, a bit like a flower girl might carry at a wedding. I can’t see anything like it, only domed posies, which is not right. Am I being ridiculous to want something like this? I can’t believe it’s that unusual…and if you have recently bought funeral flowers how much did you pay? I’d really like to get them from a local florist but the funeral is the day after the bank holiday so I think I would have to collect them several days before they were needed, so I don’t think that would work.
Any advice gratefully received please!

Order them from a florist local to the funeral. They deliver them to the funeral parlour the morning of the service and the undertaker puts them in the hearse with the coffin.
I've never seen anyone turn up with the flowers with them.
Usually pay about £50.

In my head I have a vision of a completely spherical posy with a ribbon handle, a bit like a flower girl might carry at a wedding

WHY? For you to carry like a bridesmaid to the funeral or do you mean to have delivered to their home? Either way it sounds very odd. IF I want flowers for a funeral:

-I ring a local florist in the town the person lives and unless I want a specific colour, I chose 'florist choice'.
-I don't use interflora or other large courier services
-I never buy anything which doesn't have a vase or water receptable included- why give the bereaved more issues by having to find yet another vase?
-For a funeral, I'd chose a living plant and never pick lilies

I say this from experience, starting when I was 15 when my dad suddenly died. I can't stand the stench of lilies since that day, the stamens stain everything and I vividly recall my mum scrabbling around trying to use coffee jars and pint glasses for yet more flowers.

This.

Local florist will probably do any type of flowers to suit any budget.

Yes, this,the florist delivers.

@7238SM yes I plan to walk behind the coffin carrying a basket of petals and scattering them. 😀. I didn’t think the sphere idea was weird, it obviously is. Thank you for your comments, I assumed the flowers would just be displayed around the coffin. I don’t think I’ve been to a funeral which wasn’t either no flowers or family only. I know lots of people have issues with lilies, I’m sorry they are a bad memory for you.

@Justmuddlingalong@MrsCarmelaSopranothank you

This.
I usually ring the undertakers to find out which florist they use and then contact them.
The florist will then deliver to the funeral home and put the flowers with the others. You’ll be asked what to put on the small accompanying card.

Some people do bring a bouquet with them, hand tied from their own gardens even, there’s no right or wrong. You can order from a florist in advance, buy a preformed oasis and put your own flowers in in the morning or simply buy a bouquet from a florist or supermarket on the day

I didn’t think the sphere idea was weird, it obviously is

I don’t think it’s weird, but massively impractical. How would it be displayed? Either on a grave or at the home? The flowers on the bottom would be squashed or get pollen over their furniture.

Are you certain scattering petals would be okay with the family OP? I’m sorry, I don’t know how close you are to the person who died, but usually it’s immediate family who walk just behind the coffin.
I’m sorry for your loss.

Thank you, I was teasing about the petal scattering. WRT the sphere, I remember someone sending one to a funeral I arranged abs I thought they looked lovely. Only small, just very pretty.

So are the funeral flowers delivered to the family home later, then?

I assumed the flowers would just be displayed around the coffin

I have no idea but still baffled by a posy that a bridesmaid would carry? How would that be displayed around a coffin?

Is it a cremation or a burial? If a cremation, the family have likely planned the specific display/individual flowers being placed on the coffin before it disappears. If a burial, sometimes flower bouquets are left in the church or donated to local charities/care homes etc. I've attended both and never taken flowers to the actual funeral, but appreciate all funerals are different.

Do you know anyone attending who isn't a close family member of the deceased to ask?

Ring the funeral director and ask them.

All flowers usually go to the funeral home and they bring with the coffin on the day.

They'll recommend a local florist too.

Not in my experience. They usually remain at the crematorium/cemetery unless the family ask for them but the arrangements are often impractical to have at home.

I agree with all the advice about finding a local florist or asking the undertaker for a list. They usually work to make sure the flowers end up in the right place.

I’m very sorry for your loss.

Edited to add: the undertakers at my mother’s funeral removed some flowers for me to press and keep at home, but only single flowers from the main arrangement.

It depends. They don’t tend to be if it’s a burial and all of the cremations I’ve been to have left them in the memorial gardens, but the family have taken the cards.

Our local florist made an arrangement in a willow twig heart for my Dad’s service. She planted spring flowering bulbs between the twigs and lay moss in between. It was just perfect. I would ring a florist local to the funeral directors and ask them to do something similar. It lasted for ages in the garden and the bulbs were replanted later.

This is similar.

My daughter died last October. We were inundated with bouquets and I would just say that in all the desolation there was a tiny gleam of comfort to be had from that tangible reminder that people were thinking of us. From reading the boards on here though I think we were in a minority.

Anyway OP, I think you are getting a bit mixed up maybe with sending sympathy flowers to the bereaved family and sending funeral flowers. Both are lovely. And we welcomed both. But they are not the same thing.

The former go to the family home. The latter - which I think you are after - go to the funeral director to be put in the hearse and displayed around the coffin. We were really heartened that so many people sent flowers for my daughter. It meant a lot to us.

Some funeral directors will arrange them for you or give you the name of a local florist. Otherwise I’d phone a florist local to the funeral and have a chat with them about what you want. Funeral flowers generally look best if they can lie flat on the ground so the spherical posy may not be the best choice (though I like the sound of it). Something similar, but better to lie flat might be a single ended sheaf. Maybe google that and see if you like any of the pictures.

We are just coming into peony season and they make a lovely display. I’d expect to pay £50 - £70.

You sound very thoughtful.

If it’s a burial the flowers from the funeral home are left on the grave. Not sure what happens in case of a cremation.

Sometimes people just give a bouquet of flowers to the bereaved too, that stays in the house. That’s not organised through the funeral home and they aren’t generally referred to as ‘funeral flowers’…the terminology might be causing some confusion here.

Most people I know asked the undertakers to distribute the flowers to local old people's homes. Having worked at a care home, I know that the exprnsive wreaths and "coffin toppers" went straight in the bin, apart from the very few flowers that had stalks long enough to be rearranged in a vase. It's rather tactless to constantly remind old people about their approaching death. So if flowers are specified, I always ask for a tied bouquet/sheaf of flowers, preferably with water or wet cotton wool round the stems so they keep fresh, and then they can be enjoyed later.

@LadyMacbethWasFierceI can’t begin to imagine your loss. Thank you for taking the time to reply.

Well, things have moved on. I have had sone info which says “flowers welcome”. There is a link to a local florist. Honestly, the pictures of the arrangements are just horrible. I’m not buying from there. So I’m looking at a local florist and am coming down on what is called a posy, or a hand tied spray.
its a difficult and unusual situation. Do you think it would be ok to ask for confirmation from one of the funeral organisers that they definitely want flowers? I have been in touch with them over the last couple of weeks. Just wondered if I could say
“Thank you for the funeral info, very helpful. So you would like us to send flowers rather than a charitable donation?”
is that just rude and overstepping the mark? The death was actually quite a while ago, but obviously the pain will still be raw.

But you say the announcement said ‘Flowers welcome’. Why do you need to ask again? You seem to be making terribly heavy weather of a fairly simple thing.

I’d just pick one or the other tbh but it depends on your relationship with them.

Isn’t getting flowers from your local florist going to be awkward because of timing and travel?