DC invited away by friends family

[Treebere]

If your DC is invited on holiday by their friends family, would you expect or offer to pay for some or all of it? I would offer to pay all, though wouldn’t expect to. I would send DC with plenty of spending money to pay for everyone to have a meal and for their own spending and I’d later send a thank you ‘something’ to the parents. Is this OTT?

i wouldn’t send a gift after. I’d ask how much I owe them, give my child spending money and say thanks after.

Oh and I wouldn’t give money for your child to pay for a meal, it makes it awkward for the child. Give or send some money to the parents for a meal out if you want to do that.

I’d do as you have said

Personally I would not expect to pay for accommodation or travel (assuming it’s by car). But I might expect to pay for activities like zoo or swimming, and I would give plenty of spending money.

You'd offer to pay for the holiday and give your kid enough cash to buy them all dinner?

Yeah that's OTT.

I'd offer to pay his share of the holiday and give him plenty of spending money.

How old is he?

I'd be embarrassed if a kid got a wad of cash out and tried to pay for dinner.

Phone or meet up with the parents, thank them for the offer it’s very kind etc, but you need to think about it and with summer being so expensive if you can afford it and ask if they have an idea of costs. Take notes tell them you’ll get back to them the next day and let them know if it’s possible.

When we've taken DD's friends away we've not expected their parents to pay anything if it's uk car travel and stuff catering cottage or caravan sort of thing. When we've taken them to Europe the other family has paid for the flight. We're a family of 3 and essentially, I wouldn't expect our holiday to be cheaper because we're taking a friend (which it would be if we asked the parents for a contribution to the apartment or car rental). I'm happy with it being a bit more expensive.

If I was sending DD with another family I'd probably just ask the cost and take it from there.

I think it depends on the relationship and where they are going, and if you have discussed it with the family first. My teen dc was Invited on holiday with the cost over £1k. Not discussed with me first, which led to me being the bad person when I said no.

Way OTT. Presumably they've offered because their child will have a better time. You offer, you pay IMO. Guest child needs spending money but no more than they would spend themselves if with their parents - ice-cream and souvenirs etc.

No I think if a child is invited, the family is offering to pay for the child. Otherwise it would be very poor etiquette of the family going to away to assume that we as the child’s parents can afford/want to pay for our child to go. I’d also assume that they are taking my child as entertainment for their child, rather than out of the goodness of their hearts.

Agree with others who think your ideas are OTT. Your question though makes it sound like you have invited a DC’s friend and the parents haven’t offered a similar amount. If this is the case, I would say it’s on you at the start to set out expectations- caravan holiday in the UK, I wouldn’t expect anything apart from some spending money. Holiday abroad- possibly agree that the other family pay for flights. Dependent on both families financial situation and the relationship between them.

Ask them?

Pay for flights and give lots of spending money. Send a gift on return as thanks?

Pay for flights/ferry/train tickets, and accommodation, if it will cost them extra to have your child there (if it is per head for instance), give your child spending money, and take the family out for a nice meal when they get back.

If I invited DD's friend on holiday, I wouod expect to be paying most of their cost. I would expect their parents to send them with spending money, maybe cover extras, such as theme park/zoo tickets and food. But I would definitely expect to pay for flights and accomodation for the other child.

I'd ask what the financial arrangements are when the offer was made. I personally think that if you invite a dc you're offering to pay, but I think different people might see it differently and if want to be clear of the costs before I agreed.

I'd send dc with spending money and I would give a thank you gift (if I wasn't paying for the holiday).

Ok thanks. We took DC’s friend away over Easter and the parents haven’t offered anything (I would’ve declined any money but I did expect them to offer as I would have out of politeness) and their DC was very reluctant to use their own money for anything.
At one point the DC wanted to do some activities a second time and I did message the parents to say it’s £X for the expensive activity, and I wanted to check they were ok with that cost before I booked it. They said to get the money off the child but I suggested they send me the money instead as I wasn’t sure if child had any money, which fair enough they did send it over but only enough for the expensive one (£30)

We’ve been back over a week and there’s been no thank you yet, and I can’t shake off a slight bad feeling. DC said all is fine, and they both had a great time. Did I play it wrong somewhere?

Gosh, that sounds really odd and graceless to me! We took DC's friend away, parents insisted on paying for the travel, but we paid for accommodation, all food and activities. We also refused the child's offers to buy us a meal while we were out (it was cute, he kept offering!). The parents came to collect the child (their child had only joined us for only five days of the our longer holiday), took us out for a meal, and again when we got back. We thought that was perfectly judged, and gracious all around. And, we'd happily take their child with us again, and vice versa.

I've taken DS's friends away a few times . We pay for accommodation, meals in and travel by car. I ask the family to pay for all other costs: meals out and entertainment.

Things like this need clear instructions from the beginning. For me when I invited others I paid, didn't expect anything, maybe a small bit of pocket money for the child so that they didn't feel pocketless. I made this clear to parents.

I did get caught out a few times over the years where one of mine would be invited to keep theirs company, they'd express how cheap flights were, I'd offer money they'd decline but found out after they had a good aul bitch about me being tight. So I put a stop to it all. Someone always ends up feeling hard done by.

My friend was telling me that it only costs 2-300 more to take their childs friend on holiday with them. Just into been teenagers so it makes sure they have company so feel like its a small price to pay.

they go AI & pay tor activities I think. I don’t know if they have expectation for the friends parents to contribute, I didn’t get the impression that was the case on the basis of how we arrived at the conversation.

I think if you invited the child but expected the parents to pay, you should have said that in advance , I think it's a bit awkward that it wasn't discussed beforehand. I don't think I'd even want to send my child off with a friends family for a holiday because I take them myself, I wouldn't really want to pay for the holiday without getting to experience it with them and have the family memories. If I did, I would personally offer money but I'd expect that you'd decline it, though I'd give the child spending money. I think most people who want to bring a friend do it for company for their child, and I don't think it increases the cost that much if driving, and presumably there was the extra space in the accommodation already? What type of trip was it, did you fly or drive, camp?hotel?

If I am offering, I’m paying.
I couldn’t imagine getting in touch to pay for an activity while on a holiday I had invited them on. I’d treat them as I treat my own children - I’d decide if I’m willing to pay X, Y or Z and say yes or no accordingly.

We take a family member on significant holidays, and my only stipulation is that her parents don’t overcompensate in a way that costs me money - so essentially don’t send her with £500 spending money for souvenirs (think theme park type holiday), which would then mean I feel obliged to match that for my own children when I wouldn’t normally give that much, if that makes sense. As that would actually make the holiday even more expensive for us. However, a simple conversation is all that took.

With the exception of family members perhaps sometimes taking a GC or niece/nephew on holiday to cover a bit of holiday childcare for parents, the reality is that people don’t wake up and think ‘oh, I know what I want to do today. I really want to gift the experience of our holiday to another young person’. You are taking them to suit yourself, to give your own child(ren) a companion, improve their (and by default your) holiday experience. So don’t dress it up as a selfless treat. I think you should be covering costs, the other family will be aware of this too.

My DD has been away to Ireland with her friend twice. We were asked to pay £300 which was her share of a ferry fee, her petrol costs and her food. The food fair enough, the others I thought were mad as the car is going on the same journey with or without her! I genuinely believe they made a profit off it.

We've taken the same friend away twice for a similar and never asked for anything.

Abroad, I'd find out how much her share was and offer. Send spends.

In the past my DS went down to Legoland with his friend for three nights. The parents wouldn't take any money for anything because they insisted their only child would have a better time with a companion. We sent a gift card to cover dinner for them all one night.

Is it possible that they just dont have as much money as you? They weren't going on holiday over easter, after all and the child being reluctant to spend could be due to knowing that it was a big thing.