Hi, would be grateful for some opinions. I have a DP with whom I share twin toddlers. We don't live together because he has a teenager who he's the FT/resident parent of, and we live in different cities. My pregnancy wasn't planned. I have no other children for reference. One of the twins is autistic. I always offered to move in with them and to join finances and generally pool our resources and live like a family on the condition we get married. He has always refused. So I'm living with my children in a different city with no family and very little support. When the twins were around a year, I was desperate to go back to work. I was SE before and had used up my entire savings during maternity. I tried unsuccessfully to get my children into a setting (due to the SEN of one), and settled for a nanny who was a very close friend and my autistic child trusted completely. I needed support for childcare costs so my friend/nanny registered with OFSTED to help me claim costs back. This process took months but I've managed without help until now (sold stuff, had a large tax refund etc). I submitted my childcare costs for the first time on the UC portal recently and the 85% reimbursement isn't showing up on my statement? So financially I am in a super tricky spot next month. My UC is being cut because of my earnings but those earnings have gone completely on childcare. I barely have enough for rent next month. I have bills which remain unpaid bexause I prioritised paying the nanny. I have around 20 quid to last me until Thu which I can do. After that, I'm really not sure. I'm also worried about next month's childcare costs. I'm working 2 days a week and have no way of paying my friend (I am still SE and work part time, anywhere from 0.5 to 3 days a week). DP sends £200 a month but has only been doing this for the last 2 or 3 months because I finally bit the bullet and asked him for regular support. He's lent me £400 for childcare costs this past month on the expectation that I pay him back when I get most of it reimbursed. I spoke to him distraught explaining the situation. He made me justify why going back to work is a good idea (I'm a post grad professional, don't want to lose my ability to work by staying without work for so long, it's been good for the kids to be looked after by my friend- they adore her and she takes them to places I would never have the courage to take them alone, and for mental health- I spend days with the kids alone, we all cosleep and I find myself overwhelmed and overstimulated and work is a welcome break). He dismissed all my reasons and made out that my work was just recreational time He also suggested that I was bad for being happy for the kids to be bought up by others. I'm just devastated with everything. Stupidly, perhaps more with his comments than my pittiful financial straits. Thanks if you've got this far.