Snapchat and tiktok

[saskia80]

My 13 year old is desperate to get Snapchat and Tiktok. To the extent we have daily tears and him telling me it's making him resent him as he gets teased over not having it. He feels like the only child in the world without it... Not helped that he's noticing girls and the one he likes uses Snapchat. Today he put an app hider on so Snapchat was disguised as a calculator. Due to that I've said it will be even longer before I consider letting him get it. He says he will get it anyway and when he's 14 it will be entirely up to him anyway.
I'm worried about the kids of videos he will be exposed to on there and if I'm honest I just hate yet another social media app to drain his time when he already spends enough time in WhatsApp and YouTube. Am I being overprotective? If I was to let him have either which is the lesser of the 2 evils?!

Your answer is a dumb phone.

Snapchat is the lesser of the two evils in my view as the short form video content on TikTok just fries the. Brain without even considering the content. But you are doing the right thing.

I’m in the same situation. I’ve told mine he can have it during the summer holidays if he keeps his good behaviour up the rest of the school year. I’ve explained about Snapchat and how pictures disappear but people can screenshot them. I’ve also talked to him about how he must not say or send anything rude if you catch my drift. He’s agreed to show me his phone whenever I ask and if he receives anything inappropriate he is to tell me immediately as he can be in trouble for receiving things that are inappropriate. Tik tok is the same deal. I will be making my own account so we can follow each other and he also has a screen time limit. He has agreed to all the above, but we shall see how it goes

Snapchat is how all kids communicate with each now. They arrange meet ups and chat on it. I think at 13 they would be an outlier and different if they don’t have Snapchat and it could lead to bullying as they would be left out. You can’t wrap them in cotton wool forever and I think restricting these apps just mean they crave them more. Try chatting to them about appropriate use and what he would do if he saw an inappropriate video instead of an outright ban. He won’t spend hours scrolling on Snapchat as it’s just a messaging app like WhatsApp. Poor kid.
TikTok on the other hand-that is a complete brain drain and I wish it wasn’t invented!

Snapchat is full of groomers searching for young kids and since one of its "perks" is disappearing photos you will never know.

Tiktok, Snapchat and discord are the main reasons why the government is looking to ban sm for under 16s, surely that should be ringing enough alarm bells for you?

Agree with this. Snapchat appears to be current primary mode of communication for young people. They have a family setting for under 16s through which you can see who they have been chatting to (not what they say) so you can check they are only adding people they know. Better that it's out in open and observed than hidden.

Why can't he have snapchat? I never understand why people do this to their children? Your kid is in tears everyday and unable to communicate with friends? Why would you to do this to him? He is 13, not 8.

I don’t think op is doing anything to her child. She’s being cautious. He can communicate with friends as he has WhatsApp. I tend to have an email every few weeks from the high school about social media incidents like bullying or sexual videos being passed around so it make sense to be cautious

No, that's too cautious at that age. He needs to learn to manage these things himself. OP is being controlling and cruel.

This. This is the safe and clever way to use and monitor his usage.

@potandpams kids don’t use Watsapp. They just don’t-it’s for old people (like me). Kids at 13 without Snapchat will be known as the weird ones and it will affect relationships between friends and future boyfriends/girlfriends. You can’t fight it. Life is different for kids now and they/we need to embrace technology with discussions around safety.

I’m wondering whether you are OP’s son!
Surely you can understand the worries of children using Snapchat?
I’m a teacher - the problems it causes, not that we find out everything. My child won’t be getting it, I hope the ban comes in!

Controlling and cruel? Don't be so bloody ridiculous.

He's 13?! Christ. And we wonder why kids aren't adulting when they get to 18. They are babied and controlled to ridiculous levels.

So, why isn't talking to the child about the dangers and supporting them an option? Just a blanket no?

I understand the issues related to it, but I don't agree with blanket bans. I think children and adults need to learn how to live with it. It's not going anywhere.

He's crying everyday? Just let the kid have the app ffs.

I just never had these issues with my boys. I didn't ban apps or anything but did have rules and gave guidance. It worked for me.

Isn't controlling and cruel part of our job description when dc are teens? 🤣

"Understanding the worries" doesn't mean avoiding something that could ever cause them harm though. Parents understand there could be potential dangers to everything- walking to school with friends, going on school trips, sleepovers, learning to drive, playing a sport....the answer is not to isolate your child and wrap them in cotton wool until they're 21.

From your wording I assume your child is much younger. I agree with the pp, why would you actively support your child being upset, left out and bullied. OP is damaging his relationship with his peers and with herself - he literally felt forced into hiding the app as a calculator. How is any of this good for him?

I dont get the logic - you thinknthe apps are bad for kids' mental health but crying everyday and being left out and bullied is superior? The apps endanger kids' safety so its better to foster a home environment where your child feels they have to lie and deceive you?

To me, just saying a blanket no is lazy parenting. Rather than making the effort to talk to them about what they see, research ways of restricting time on the apps, enforce turning phone off/handing it over at bedtime, doing spot checks etc you just say no, leaving your child so miserable he cries everyday.

I mean you’re both saying to OP not to wrap him in cotton wool (as she tried to shield him and developing brain from the dangers and addictions of phones and the internet) but also to wrap him in cotton wool (prevent him from being bullied through not having social media). And let’s not forget that bullying is ubiquitous and made far easier through social media. Not saying I know what’s right and wrong here, but there are negative impacts on either side.

I don’t yet have teens (just pre teen, teen and post teen nieces) so am speaking through ignorance but I’d be wanting to protect my child’s developing brain for as long as possible.

My child is 10 so starting to ask but not the full pressure yet.
The thing is, many children don’t tell their parents everything, regardless of good communication. Their brains are still developing and the stuff they’re seeing and sharing can be horrific!
Things like suicide talk, in some cases videos of suicide, nudes, pornography! No 13 year old should be seeing that! We’ve had Y7s sharing nude photos of themselves!
And I think however good you think the communication is, children can and will hide these things. As the OP has seen the child is hiding getting the app so probably won’t be open with what is shared with them, of course they want it but the truth is it isn’t good for developing brains.

I really hope a ban comes in because that will at least mean there are more kids without it to form their own groups and communicate in different ways.

Just because something is popular doesn’t mean it’s good for them.

"No 13 year old should be seeing that!"

Right, but OP can't stop him seeing any of that. She can only stop him accessing it on his own phone. Friends will still be showing him stuff at home, when hanging out. Surely the ideal is, if he does see something upsetting, his parents should be a safe space to talk about it. Whereas as it is, OP will be the last person he will tell, because he knows she will say 'Well you shouldn't have been looking at it,' or 'Well that's another reason why you definitely won't be allowed SC.'

I actually agree that in an ideal world kids shouldn't have access to those types of SM at a young age and if the govt did manage to bring in restrictions, great. But currently, when most kids do have access, to me the disadvantage of being the one left out, to the point it is upsetting him that much, is greater, as that is a consequence that is currently actually happening, rather than a potential that might happen if he gets it.

TBH even if the govt did bring in restrictions, it's likely it might be limited to 13 plus anyway, as that's supposed to be the current age for both SC and TT, so 'government banning it' wouldn't make a difference to OP's issue.

Parents like the ones on this thread are the reason that the Government will have to ban social media for under 16's.

I hope you don't mean me? Me who could be bothered talking to my child, imposing limits and offering guidance. I have always been a safe space for my children. The government has to step in only because parents are lazy either by blanket banning phones/social media/etc/ or just ignoring it altogether.

I grew up in the 80s/90s on a rough council estate. I was exposed to all kinds of stuff and in terms of sex, we regularly had access to hedge porn. Anyone remember that? I didn't watch violent stuff but other kids did, they found a way. Kids will always find a way to access stuff. It's just easier now. The only way to deal with it is to be the kind of parent who talks to their child and can have a conversation. If you can't, you're failing.

but parents aren't wholly responsible. It's well known that the creators of the various SM platforms designed it to be addictive and don't let their own kids use it.

I said no op. My 14 year old isn't allowed either and knows if she installs either I will remove her phone. No social media, no exceptions. Family rule.