To be fed up being landed with my little brother all the time?

[knackeredagain24]

i dont even know if im being harsh or not tbh but im really annoyed today

my mum has just dropped my little brother (he’s 3) on me again with barely any notice, like a text this morning saying can i have him then just turns up anyway. ive got my own dc to sort out and its not like im sat doing nothing

bit of background, i mostly lived with my dad growing up so me and my mum arent super close anyway. she had my brother with her ex and that whole situation was messy, he had a drug problem and shes not exactly stable herself if im honest. my brother has no routine at all, not in nursery, stays up late, eats whatever, its all over the place

she also doesnt speak to him very nicely which i hate, calling him names and stuff and hes only little. i end up feeling bad for him which is why i say yes half the time but its getting too much now

i have reported concerns before but nothing came of it and she found out it was me which caused a massive fallout and we didnt speak for months

now its back to this again where she just expects me to have him whenever. i do love him obviously but i feel like im being taken the piss out of a bit

aibu if i start saying no or telling her she actually needs to sort childcare instead of just assuming ill do it?

to be honest, I know you have your own children to deal with, but this poor child i would not want to let him go home. he sounds like he has an awful life and you are his main bit of normality

Can you help secure his preschool hours for him . Then your mother would have regular times and he would benefit too. Why does she leave him with you , does she work and who normally has him ? Are you too available as a SAHM . Can you make yourself less available.

Op what’s the age difference with you and your mum? Does she even want her dc? You said yourself that she didn’t bring you up maybe she’s just not meant to a mother. Seems harsh on 3 year old kid who never asked for any of this. Poor kid.

Who did you report your mother to?

You have to prioritise your DC and your needs. If you can accommodate this little boy as well, fantastic but you can't solve for everyone and if it does not work it does not work.
Try saying no to your mum once. That may be easier ? So next time she comes just say "no, I can't today". I'd say just leave at that but if you need to have an excuse ready that means you cannot include a +1 child e.g I've got an appointment and my DC is being taken care of by a friend or something of that effect. Or if she has a pattern of calling that means that it's likely to be an ask, don't pick up just let it go to voicemail.

YANBU at all, but also it’s good that you’re having a positive influence on his life as it sounds like he’s not getting it at home.

He’s old enough for a subsidised place at nursery. Why isn’t he there? can you get him booked into where your own DC go at all?

I feel for you, and for your little brother.
I think you need to decide yourself what your boundaries are, and stick to them. I.e. what you are willing to do and what your aren’t.

If I were you I’d be really pissed off, most people get support from their mums with their own kids, not the other way round. So well done for being the bigger person.

When he is at your house, he needs to abide by your rules, so you need to be really firm with him. It might take a while but hopefully his behaviour will improve and he will probably love the structure and boundaries once he’s used to it. If your mum doesn’t like you being strict with him, then she can find alternative childcare.