To ask for solid advice on police obligations re harrassment by abusive ex

[thestudio]

Hi there - complicated situation but I am looking for urgent advice from anyone who is clued up on the Met's statutory and/or self-imposed and/or other obligations in relation to complaints of sexual and other violence against women.

Sorry to ask, but if you don't have real experience in this area would you mind not giving advice? please feel free to comment obviously, but I don't have very long to follow well-meant suggestions through and sort them, as we're likely to have meeting first thing tomorrow.

Here's the situation:
I'm helping someone who is advocating for a young woman who escaped a very abusive relationship c. 1 year ago. Abuser is continuing contact, has previous charges for sexual and other violence against other women and one or more court case (unsure of outcomes of any/all).

Following survivor report of harassment and original abuse, Met appeared to be taking extremely seriously, said they had enough to arrest. Survivor gave consent to do so (not sure if they needed it but ok) and provided info to assist in arrest - approx 3 months ago.

Since then crickets. Today was told case had been put on desk of officer who then 'went on holiday' and since then 'we havent' been able to locate abuser.' Survivor located him in under 5 mins and sent info. Police now about to arrest abuser.

Clearly no confidence now in Met's ability to arrest without risk to survivor. Meeting tomorrow morning to ask that no arrest made until Met comply with what I am fucking hoping is a protocol around the danger to women in these situations.

Can anyone help with details of anything I could cite to help survivor and advocate in this meeting?

@Phlerp thank you - that's exactly what i needed but couldn't find, thank you so much. I'm not able to give full attention now but will do so later/first thing tomo thanks again.

My abusive ex was arrested twice. First time we had to wait a couple of weeks for it to happen because they didn’t have permission from his employer to do it at work and then the officer was on leave. Ultimately permission was given and he was arrested at work.

my advice re police is to be calm, clear, rational and logical. The amount of work they have to do post arrest re charges etc is absolutely huge. It goes on for months and months (for my situation the trial is taking place 2months after arrest) and the amount of following up with us as victims and witnesses is massive not to mention what work they do with the defendant. They have to be able to robustly defend their decision to place someone under arrest, it can’t be done lightly. I hear your frustration but you have spoken to people on this board really rudely. No one owes you an answer. I would advise you to be as cool calm and collected as you can in your meeting with police tomorrow. This will get this woman the best outcome - with everyone working together for her best interests.

Thanks also @cakebaby, really appreciate it.

Thank you and I'm very sorry you've been through similar.

I feel that I've been rude to one person who chose to castigate me (lol - just involved tonight) because they could, rather than sharing the knowledge that you have shared. I really appreciate it, thank you.

If you take this attitude into the meeting tomorrow I can’t see you being much help to be honest.

Appreciate your words. And sorry there is a typo that should read 22months after arrest. It’s a long road and there is too much emphasis on protecting women rather than preventing perpetrators. I would echo other advice re idva but above all else therapy will be key to this woman’s recovery. I will think of her and sincerely hope all goes well. The stress is monumental and right now I expect it feels like it will never end. It will die down. It will. They will do their best to protect her and she will begin to move on from this.

Well obviously I won't. I was hoping that a major forum for women that I've been involved with for nearly 20 years might be able to help me at a critical moment when there's no time to fuck around. It's an emergency reach-out.

The police will say who they have a statement from as the suspect will be questioned on the evidence they have but they won’t be (shouldn’t be) disclosing anyone’s address.
practically does he know where she lives?
if he is released on bail then conditions can be added that he doesn’t contact her or go to her address or place of work.
if those aren’t known to him then it might be better to flag that with them now.

Thank you, really helpful advice

@cakebaby sorry this may be a double up as I’m rushing but thanks for this, really helpful.

all I really need is a few reference points
to indicate that they need to take her/us seriously

I don’t think anyone’s specified how to get an IDVA, am looking now but lots else to do so v grateful if anyone else can fill in info gaps.

Contact your local DV hub through whichever council covers your borrough

Or alternatively look at DV charities local to you - some hold council contracts anyway

I can’t see it either. I think you offered clear advice so not sure why it went the way it did.

I agree with this @CarlaLemarchant

It didn't actually read as clear advice to me - it was snippy and a bit aggressive.
I felt I just matched the energy. Later posts by that person did provide useful info but the first was really.. just not nice to someone who's clearly in a stressful situation and hasn't got the option of doing their own research (or a time machine).

Obviously, if I had had more time, I wouldn't have posted - I just needed quick pointers in a very limited timeframe to help support a frightened and vulnerable very young woman.

However, I can see that one of my comments has been deleted and clearly others here also felt I was being unfairly rude, so I apologise, and to anyone else I offended.

Thanks to everyone who understood what I needed and gave it.

Also, and sorry if this wasn't clear, I definitely wasn't saying that I didn't want them to arrest him - I was saying that I didn't want them to arrest him without protecting her from reprisal. I wanted to understand whether the police had complied with any statutory obligation or non-statutory guidance in their actions so far, so that the advocate could at least fire a small shot across their bows and/or show they weren't a total pushover, which is how the police seem to view the survivor herself.