IVF- What do you wish you knew before starting?

[OneBrickBiscuit]

What are somethings you wish you knew before trying IVF? I’m going to see a consultant next Thursday to get the process rolling. I’m nervous and I just don’t know how to prepare myself for what is to come. We’ve been trying conceive naturally for a long time and it’s taking a long time for us to accept the fact we need support.

Have you already had fertility tests such as blood tests for ovulation, sperm tests, are your tubes and uterus clear etc? Those bits are usually the starting point.

I think a lot of questions I had were quite specific to our diagnosis -
we had ovulation induction drugs first for example. Then moving to ivf when they didn't work.

I would ask about their plans for any medication protocol? What they would expect for you in terms of a response (ie how many eggs/ blastocysts if they do offer ivf).
what drugs and for how long?
how will they review your response to the drugs? (In context I needed more progesterone but this wasn't reviewed until my second failed round)
how and how often will they communicate with you?
I would also ask about cost. And funding available to you including in-house funding schemes like access fertility (you pay for a certain number of rounds upfront at a reduced cost for example). This one is really important because ivf gets expensive fast! especially if you are one of the unlucky ones like me who needed more than one round or don't qualify for nhs funding. The hfea talks about any treatment add ons and their actual research based effectiveness so you can make a decision if needed!

I would ask about counselling they offer? The hardest bit of ivf is the waiting and the emotional impact.

fertility network uk have a forum which was a god sent to me and lots of great advice and support there.
Best of luck!

we’ve had tests and I’m all okay but my partner has morphology and motility issues. We went private till now abroad. We have going to see an IVF consultant as I’m reaching 40 and we can’t wait any longer the nhs suspect another year waiting time. Thank you I’ve noted those questions down.

I could write many paragraphs on this but one of the things I'm so glad we did was to try treatment in the Czech Republic rather than paying privately in the UK. There is lots of advice on the other areas of Mumsnet and I really do recommend going that way.

We were fortunate to have had some treatment on the NHs first. Then when we looked at private comparisons between UK and Europe, it was crazy. The clinic we used was Retrofit in Brno.

Aside from that, I found the physical aspect of it all not too bad, the emotional side of it was intense. There are many mini hurdles to cross. However, I had very few eggs to work with, which made it feel quite pressured.

Good luck 😊

Not me personally but one of my close friends had IVF and I know she mentioned that she wished they had got ALL of the info on all possible testing, outcomes, and prices before beginning.

They started off having had the basic checks that the NHS do, but nothing more “advanced” than that, similar to you OP there was only issues picked up with his sperm so they figured it was an easy case. It was only after spending thousands of pounds on failed IVF that they found out about additional tests, which again cost thousands of pounds, but which in their case revealed further issues which required treatment ongoing to ever enable my friend to fall pregnant, stay pregnant, and carry a healthy baby to term. She wishes now that she had just had those tests done first, if nothing else it would have saved them paying for IVF cycles which were never going to work.

Some things that are more practical than emotional:

• when injecting yourself, put the ampoules in your bra for 20 mins or so beforehand otherwise the injection will sting;
• if the IVF clinic is one that has good success rates, be prepared to see small children there. The parents are coming back for a sibling and, even if they do their best to get childcare, sometimes they can’t; and
• It won’t be fun but it is better than trying (and failing) to get pregnant naturally every month.

You can get IVF medication at ASDA pharmacy at cost price. They do not profit on IVF medication. My fertility clinic would write a private prescription for free. You need to price things up but the only thing that was more expensive was progesterone oil (when I did my treatment 7+ years ago).

It's worth doing the fertility counselling or having therapy throughout and after the cycles. It can be traumatic and it's good to have someone external to talk to.

Do kind things for yourself, if you can afford it, acupuncture was very helpful and kept me balanced.

That the emotional side of things is huge. That you’ll want to be so strong for your partner, who might be like mine and feel so guilty that he’s infertile so you have to try and hold it together in front of him - I needed to cry and let all the unfairness at the situation out to my friends and family as I didn’t want him to feel worse - he already felt so guilty about my stomach covered in bruises from having to stab myself with the needles.

Have conversations about what you are and aren’t willing to consider - donor sperm? Donor sperm and donor eggs? Respect each others thoughts.

All the appointments! There will be lots - hopefully your work will be supportive.

I did a lot of research on food and supplements which I really do think helped but doesn’t seem to be as looked at in the UK as other places with conception! I was willing to try anything.

Has your partner followed a make good sperm diet before you start ivf? My DH did and when he did his sample they made him do it again as the results were so much better than the last record they wanted to be sure there wasn’t an error.

I wish I’d known beforehand just how horrible I personally would find ivf, and to prepare myself mentally for it working. I had so much planned for when it failed but nothing prepared for it working. Coupled with how hard I found ivf and guilt at it working first time I ended up traumatised by the whole experience.

Sorry that’s rather negative - I realise not everyone needs extra stims and can handle the needles/blood tests/didlo cam every 5 minutes, I just couldn’t. I think really what I’m trying to say is think of small rewards for yourself and how to care for you if you struggle with the experience. I didn’t and regret it.

I was tremendously helped by a consultation with Zita West. She gave an overview, context, all the options and is super empathetic.
All the best X (sorry, I now see the clinic is closed)

Along with the sperm issues, I would also check for any requirements for pre implantation genetic testing.
My partner had morphology and motility issues with DNS fragmentation. The morphology was impacted by a genetic issues which was resulting in average graded but unhealthy /unsuitable embryos and was resulting in miscarriages.
We identified this after 2 IVF attempts, had we known this before, could have saved us a lot of grief.
Most of our IVF cycles were in Greece as the communication and support was far better than the UK clinics.

Multivitamins, healthy food and routine, anything and everything could help. The infertility section on Mumsnet has lots of good information.

Its eye wateringly expensive.
Everyone around you will suddenly be getting pregnant without trying, including your Aunties cousins dog....
Do your research on the clinic you used and I mean PROPER research. I was lucky enough to use probably one of the best private clinics in the whole of the EU/UK and boy did it make a difference.
It'll take a million times longer than you could ever imagine and it will teach you to have more patience that you'd believe was ever possible! Its highly frustrating and you'll just want to get going but each cycle takes about 6 weeks from start to finish.
Get a 3 cycle package that'll refund if it works on the first go.
Your first cycle is often experimental as they won't know how your body will respond to the stimulation drugs.
Frozen embryo transfer is more successful than fresh transfer.
Don't skimp on tests if they suggest them at the beginning. They are hugely expensive but not as costly as a failed round.
Start taking high quality pregnancy and sperm supplements. Zita west are excellent. Do this at least 3mths before you start.
Look into removing as many environmental toxins as possible now before you start.
Get all your drugs from (legit) online pharmacies as it'll be half the price than from your clinic.
Don't tell anyone unless you want ENDLESS questions about 'did it work' 'are you pregnant yet' 'my friend did it and it worked' 'don't worry, you can always try again' people WILL try and track your cycles/treatments so they know what stage you're at etc. Also the constant 'don't worry you can always adopt or use a donor if it doesn't work'.

I'm talking from 6 rounds back to back experience here. Unheard apparently according to the embryologists!
Physically I found it fine and I was on the maximum stim doses allowed in the UK and some serious other shit too! Emotionally though it was fucking brutal.
Would I do it all again? Yes absolutely in a heartbeat.

Every one is different of course and I know that some people on here want to know everything and do loads of reading and research but I found it more helpful to just take each step as it comes as thinking of the bigger picture was too much for me. I wish you all the luck in the world.

I learnt from the first experience to know your body is full of new chemicals and you're not going mad! Expect to feel all sorts of emotions and accept it, also all of the testing and injections. It's not easy but at the back of mind keep in focus how fortunate to be able to do this. Best of luck! Xxx

I wish that I had known that the process would give me two beautiful children.

It is a hard process. In itself (eg hormone injections and egg retrievals etc) it is pretty straightforward. However the hard bit was not knowing what the outcome would be and the what ifs and false hopes along the way.

Though now, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Also, and more importantly, good luck. Keeping my fingers crossed for you and your partner.

You can get Boots club card points on private prescriptions! I wish I'd learnt that at an earlier stage as I got an awful lot of ppints that way... I couldn't find an Asda pharmacy doing IVF meds, so be aware that not all do (wouldn't order them in either).

Be very cautious about telling people too much as some get over involved - I had someone practically tracking and asking if I'd tested yet for the first round. Never mentioned it to them again.