To really hate the phrase "oh that's a wee shame" (apologies if this is so niche that you don't have it in your regional lexicon but, also, you're so lucky!)

[DervlaGlass]

It's usually used in response to things that are actually bloody terrible news and it makes me feel overwhelmed with fury when people say it.

"Oh her child is in hospital"
"Oh that's a wee shame"
No it isn't????

But even when it is in response to something that is arguably both wee and a shame it makes my skin crawl.

Do you use this phrase and for what sort of things and aibu?

Seems a bit of an over reaction to be honest. It's just a phrase.

Lots of people I know use it because I'm in Scotland and I've never thought 'oh that makes my skin crawl'. Everyone has phrases they dislike.

It's one of those phrases that makes sense taken in it's entirety, not when it's taken apart.

There's no other version of this akin to "that's a wee shame / that's a bigger shame / that's a huge shame". It's just "that's a wee shame". Anything else would be like changing "kick the bucket" to "hit the bucket / really kick the bucket / kick the big bucket"... It just doesn't make sense, you use the full expression or don't use it all all.

(I don't use it myself but understand it. It's used here by people born around WWII or earlier. They're not going to change it).

Yabu sorry 😭 I think you will have offended people as well

I know but the shame is almost never wee!

Well if I have what can I say other than that is a wee shame

You are being a bit literal.
It doesn't mean "that's a small shame".
It means "that's a shame and I'm expressing extra concern or sympathy".

Someone said it after a really difficult incident happened, and even though it's my local lexicon, I felt so patronised and the size of the anguish diminished by their comment. It wasn't intended, but it was incredibly painful.

Never heard it in NE Scotland.
Could it be a localised phrase.

wee doesnt really mean anything in this sentence.

its just part of everyday speech

Would you like a wee biscuit? See that wee wummin over there - the wee man in the shop etc

It's just a filler word. A bit like some blokes ( and gals) use the f word. Its just fills a space.

Not to be taken literally.

I agree with this. It's definitely a diminutive thing to say. I have heard it said to people who are recently bereaved and it's just mind-blowing to me.

Normal where I live to use this. The "wee" is not literal, it's just the way we speak

I'm in NE Scotland and hear this all the time.

It's just an expression, it doesn't actually mean that it's small or insignificant, just as many (probably most) common phrases shouldn't be taken literally.

Taken with a pinch of salt - never seen someone literally take a pinch of salt when saying this.

Costs and arm and a leg - I've never seen limbs used as currency.

It's a piece of cake - it generally isn't a literal piece of cake.

And many, many more.

To be honest if someone just said without the wee "that's a shame" I'd think it was pretty brutal and cold. At least go for "that's terrible, I'm so sorry".

I can imagine it being said by people here but I definitely couldn’t bring myself to say it; it sounds like something Lorraine Kelly would say 🤢

Oh yes the professional wee Scottish wifie

If you are going to take exception to 'wee' on the grounds that it isn't literally appropriate, then surely you should take exception to 'shame' on the same grounds.

Shame means a bad feeling associated with having done wrong, or a casting of disapproval onto some other person who has done wrong. But in the expression 'That's a shame' we use it to mean simple misfortune.

I guess originally it was used to convey that shame belonged to whoever was responsible for the misfortune. But language moves on and phrases have their own lives independent of the meanings of the words from which they are constituted.

So, yabu for singling out 'wee'! People should say That's a big misfortune.

Makes your skin crawl? Oh that's a wee shame.

I get why it annoys you. It diminishes the enormity of what happened. I once had someone describe the stillbirth of my son as a "real bummer". It really upset me. And the person who said it was a really nice person and one of the few who called rather than avoided me. People can use unfortunate turns of phrase without meaning to undermine or hurt, but that doesn't stop it from being hurtful

Gently, do you think that’s just misplaced anger / grief / upset over the actual difficult incident as opposed to someone’s (very likely) well meaning reaction to it?

I usually use the phrase " oh that's a real shame".
But, living here in Scotland I do use the word " wee" quite often, just not in this context.

I've heard people use the phrase " that's a wee shame" on many occasions. I don't see anything wrong with it at all. It's almost invariably used as an expression of sympathy and commiseration and as such it's the intent behind the words that is important.

In South Africa, “shame” is a stock response to all levels of bad news, and it’s delivered really dismissively!

You stubbed your toe? Shame.
Your cat died? Shame.
You’ve got two weeks to live? Shame.

Talk about taking things too literally OP. This phrase isn’t about minimising anything it’s just a colloqialism.

I often say I will have a wee bit of cake for instance but the slice I take is not small

So it's nae a wee bitty but a big bitty.
😋😋

I'm so sorry for your loss. It was in the context of a miscarriage that someone said it to me, and it hurt. (Such that I recall it many many years on).

Thank you, I'm sorry for your.loss . This was also many years.ago but it really shows how important it is to think about the impact of your words, doesn't it? X