To think that very few people experience deep, true romantic love and that some people go through life never having truly been in love?

[BeDeepKhakiRobin]

I sometimes wonder if real, deep romantic love is actually quite rare. A lot of people are in relationships because of convenience, compatibility or even just fear of being alone rather than because they are truly, deeply in love. I think many people mistake affection, attraction or attachment for love but real love - the kind that changes you, consumes you and feels almost transcendent - is something only a few people ever experience.

And then there are those who might never experience it at all. Not because there’s anything wrong with them but just because the right circumstances or person never came along.

AIBU to think that love, at least in its deepest form, is much rarer than people like to admit?

I think this is very balanced and great advice to give young people

I suppose I don't believe that much in romantic love as a concept and I'm not even certain I've felt what other people feel, despite having been in relationships much of my adult life. Dp thinks we were 'meant' to be together and although it's charming to hear, I can't really agree with him, given I've been married twice and my second husband had to die a terrible death some years before i started my lovely life with dp. I've read far too many novels and believed too many things I've read, including Doris Lessing stating that women have vaginal orgasms when they are really in love but not otherwise - this is utter damaging bollocks from a supposed feminist icon, but very much of its time as a statement.

Love is a verb. Someone who will grow and cook vegetables for you and will fix that dodgy light fitting or listen to your dull moans about your boss is worth about a hundred of someone who will gaze into your eyes and tell you you're their soulmate. Aren't we lucky that many of us get both in the same package? I wouldn't ask beyond that.

Love changes over time and can be cyclical. A healthy relationship isn't just about being in love - there are other factors that are just as important and compatibility is one of the major ones. You can be mdly in love but not able to make a relationship work.