Did anyone else have NO friends at school?

[BownnTown]

Just reminiscing - at primary school I had one friend who ended up moving away. After that I had no friends at all.
Secondsry school - I had one friend in the first year who ended up making other friends and suddenly we were not friends anymore. I did manage to make another friend but this one ended after a few months too.

I moved school in 2nd year and made one friend - this one lasted a couple of months but they started avoiding me. I managed to make a different friend and this one lasted a year or so but she ended up getting closer to other people and again started avoiding me.

In the final year I had NO friends at all, nobody spoke to me and if they saw me in the street they would look away. I didn’t go to the end of school disco for obvious reasons! In fact I pretty much stopped going to school at all.

Reason I’m thinking about it now - I’m an artist and someone from secondary school has messaged me asking to commission a portrait. She’s acting like we were friends - she never spoke to me at school!

its weird, I wasn’t bullied at all, just disliked I guess.

Anyone else go through school like this?

Same here. I once had a note stuck on my back which said "i am sad and have no friends". Which was true.

I was fine at primary, popular even, but secondary school was savage.

What was your experience?

In secondary I changed 'sets' of friends about 3 times throughout the time.

But because we had different classes for subjects I was rarely with friends. Sometimes it was very lonely. I remember in PE not having a 'partner' sometimes or having to sit on the end of a table for 4.

I had no friends and was bullied. It was awful and haunts me to this day, but I was a weird, unlikable child. 🤷🏼‍♀️

It varied. Sometimes had no friends - sometimes had friends - this is throughout primary and secondary. No fun hanging around the playground on your own!

In secondary I was hanging out with the bad crowd, realised I didn't fit in and took myself off to another smaller group on the other side of the year. Even amongst them , a couple were fairly bitchy ppl, frenemies really . Made better friends at 6th form and uni.

But Op , being a Portrait artist is seriously impressive! Unless the former schoolmate was a horrible person I would accept the commission.

Primary School I had no friends until about year 3, but only a couple of real friends from then till year 6.

High School I had girls I got on with but only a very small number of actual friend, most I didn’t share classes with and spent many a lunch break mostly by myself.

year 10/11 and 6th form, more acquaintances than friends.

@Ayjhhgg psychological torture (not entirely joking). Nothing overt, I wasn't hit or spat at, but for four years I was openly mocked, insulted, excluded from conversations happening around me. No one wanted to be friends with me because no one wanted to be friends with me. People would argue about who was going to have to sit next to me in assembly, that kind of thing.

I'm actually a very successful professional now, having aced university and got a great career, but the physical (from secretly self harming) and mental scars are there.

I was the same. I accept who I am now due to a lot of therapy but it haunted me for years. I was a very odd and unpopular child and mostly likely ND.

I'm very sorry you had to experience this. I had something similar. I did crack someone right on the nose and for a while the bullying stopped. I feel part of my silly behaviour contributed to the bullying.
My only reconciliation is that by 6th form (same school) everyone seemed to be a bit kinder and I was really happy. Actually had people apologise for how they treated me. I loved 6th form.

I also did amazing at uni and love my job

This is so heartbreaking to read. I hope that you have found some healing in adulthood. So sorry that you had such a dreadful childhood.

Sorry that you went through this. You might find it cathartic to speak to a counsellor if you don’t have any friends or family you feel you can confide in. Hope you can find some healing.

I struggled massively, but now 35 years on at the ripe old age of nearly 50 I realised I do have one friend from school days who's still a friend. We lost touch after uni in the pre social media years and she got in touch randomly on Facebook 15 years ago and re ignited the friendship. So, despite being ostracized by most peers I'm immensely grateful for the one that broke the mold.

I only had friends at certain times. I was quite a quiet and thoughtful child and I loved having a best friend, but I also moved a lot as a kid and a lot of those friendships were upended.

I went to a small secondary school, where everyone knew each other, and although I did have friends, I was often lonely. I remember one time where someone I thought was a friend had told me something, which I'd written in a diary, that another girl took off me and read. It was about her first sexual experience with a boy and she was ashamed, so she denied it, turned everyone against me for a while, and I not only had no friends but had people talking about me. It was hell for about 6 months and I hunkered down in my room all that winter, hardly went out. Horrific. (BUT I read a lot, I wrote a lot, I got into artists - I was borderline ok!)

I'm now in my 50s and I have several different groups of friends, who are as lovely and kind and funny as they come. I'm not hugely sociable but as long as I see someone once or twice a week, I am fine. I value these friends more than anything. Nobody who treated me poorly at school was worth hanging onto (so I didn't) and all that is many years past.

I just wanted to say, don't give up hope, there are lots of great people out there and you will likely find people you click with. A lot of people get to their thirties, forties and they're a bit quirky and think, ah shit, I'm too quirky for most people. You probably aren't, and there are tons of quirky types too, you will gravitate towards each other 😁

We moved on average every 3 to 4 years when I was a child, always to a different area so I was always the child with the different accent and never fit anywhere.

Even when I went to boarding school, which only happened because I was being stalked on my journey to school as a day girl, I still didn't really fit.

Never learned how to make a friend and I don't see that changing.

I don't really know what people do with them or why they want them.

Thank you. I've considered it but never pursued as I'm in a good place now, mostly. Still not great at making friends but I think I'm just an introvert. I know I can seem aloof to other people.

I'm wary of joining in anything unless specifically invited, I know that's a result of being purposely excluded. I still worry that maybe people don't want me around. I suspect that's not a normal thing to be concerned about in middle age. Ultimately I like my own space anyway. I've been married for a long time, I'm not lonely.

I've lost count of the number of people I've known over my nearly 50 years who have had the same experience at school OP. Ranging from just a lonely existence to the outright hell of being physically and/or verbally bullied.

One of the many reasons I home educated my children. I never, ever wanted them to grow up with that feeling of being a social pariah hanging round their necks.

Funny how something we're conditioned to subject our children to for 13 odd years of their lives leads to so many having horrific memories and lasting physical and mental damage.

I had no real friends at primary - had one 'frienemy' who was, in retrospect, a horrible bully, and my abiding memory of my primary school years is of the sensation of trying not to cry. I made a really good friend at my lower secondary school but she moved away in year 8 and I was back to being utterly desolate (I went to a school where years 7 and 8 were at two separate lower school sites and came together from year 9 onwards). I found my little tribe of quiet, clever, nerdy kids in year 9 though - they'd all come from the other lower school and were friends already but they 'adopted' me very quickly and several of us are still close friends 40 years later.

Was happy in primary school though the girls I hung out with could be mean at times.

Went to secondary, those girls made new friends and I was alone. Tried to tag along with some girls but they would run away. Hid in the toilets and break and lunch for a long time so I didn’t look like a loser.

Eventually a really popular girl felt sorry for me and started asking me to join her group. She was nice but her friends were nasttty and very judgey and had money for nice clothes (which I didn’t). However I was absolutely desperate for friends so followed them about, did what they wanted and copied their demeanour and dress sense for a few years. Also copied their smoking and drinking.

Home life was a joke. Dad alcoholic and had left the home. Mum working full time and emotionally unavailable. I cried a lot. Felt lost, unloved and miserable.

At about 16 found music and then managed to convince a bunch of indie girls to adopt me. Sort of found my way from there but still struggled emotionally and still copied a lot to try and fit in. Didn’t really maintain these friendships due to getting lost in toxic relationships and bad drinking and depression.

Nowadays I only have a couple of friends who I’ve met through work but the relationships are much healthier. I’ve let go of friendships that were toxic. I’m happy to do stuff solo and to have a couple of good friends tho I’d like one or two more where I live.

I feel your pain @Radionowhere .

All we can do is draw a line under it and move on. Can’t let the abusers influence the rest of our lives. I hope you are happy now.