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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want a Country Living lifestyle?

498 replies

meditatingwithdolly · 18/03/2025 20:57

This is lighthearted. I've had a series of unfortunate events in the last year and have moved to a very deprived area with a lot of social problems, which is probably causing me to fantasise a bit more than usual. Subscribed to Country Living magazine on a whim as it was very heavily discounted. One of the highlights of the month is hearing it fall on the doorstep and I have to grab it quickly before it gets stolen. It provides wonderful escapism, the sky is blue all year around, everyone is sooo happy washing rocks in rivers and the animals are never PITAs, unlike my pets. No one ever has money problems, and the cost of living is an afterthought as sustainability and self-equilibrium are the utmost priority.

Women have lovely, fulfilling jobs that "they stumbled upon entirely by accident" eg Jilly, who was always very frustrated by the lack of solar heated plant pots for her oriental orchids that she fell in love with on her travels in SE Asia, and one day whilst walking her collie-cross dog Shep in her 50 acre paddock, she stepped in wild horse dung and had the wonderful idea to give up her full time job and start a sustainable business making her own handmade pots from dung. She did the completely obvious thing of untying her neck scarf, filling it up with as much dung as she could find, and carried it back to her 6th century renaissance 12 bedroom house, where her husband Robert greeted her with a warm smile at the site of her Dick Whittington style knapsack, and immediately started building her a cosy workshop-cum-snug where she hosts the local edible flower supper club 3 nights a week, when she's not up to her elbows in excrement. She had no idea if her £199 pots would take off, and was most shocked when she had 10,000 orders in her first week.

No one needs a business plan or a budget, peace of mind and a sense of zen is much more important than bringing in a wage. Forty two year old Carol was so stressed by her teaching job that she just handed in her notice and planted 40,000 carrots in her small holding. Originally intended to be a business, Carol admits sheepishly that she's so fond of each one (who she has given names to) that she cannot bear to part with them. "My husband Marcus jokes that they are my babies", she laughs, "but in reality it's true. These carrots have regulated my sensory nervous system, which the daily grind of work had just worn away. I simply had to give in to what my body was telling me. Watching each and every one of them grow and develop their own little personalities is nature's way of giving back to me".

First world problems keep these people awake at night, such as 31 year old Jackie, who couldn't find curtains for the nursery that reflected the personality of her unborn son. "I really sensed that he he felt a deep connection with the Ottoman empire, and I was just flabbergasted at the lack of relevant material on the market", she laments. At 39 weeks, she jumped upon a flight to Istanbul, after having a dream that the perfect print was in Topkapi Palace. "Everyone thought I was utterly mad", she laughs, but when she was hypnotized by the Turkish style tulip motif tiles in the palace state room, baby Freddie shot out of her uterus, confirming to her that this was the perfect print for the nursery. Three hours after giving birth she opened her business designing bespoke curtains for equally distressed parents-to-be. "They understood the stress as they were undergoing the same thing. Being able to relate to them really helped me zone into what it was that they really wanted. Sometimes words aren't enough, you have to be able to finely tune stress signals others are giving out in order to see their vision". Jackie (and baby Freddie) now work out of her garden studio, and she has been commissioned by the Royal Family to produce the perfect print for sash window in King Charles' water closet. "Every morning I wake up with a warmth that radiates throughout my body, and I love that Freddie has input in my work, this is all because of him, really".

AIBU to want to a job like this? Where everything is a lovely colour and all the materials are made of earthen clay and rare plant dyes? No money problems, no annoying customers, no bins that haven't been lifted by the council (there's no need for a bin anyway, all rubbish is fully compostable). Do people really have a business where people pay to meditate with sheep, or is Country Living an entertaining work of fiction?

OP posts:
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atriskacademic · 19/03/2025 10:51

Love this post! I live in a village which I sometimes call "Stay at home mum central" (yes, I am judgmental). Lots of women who don't have to work because they have husbands who commute into London to make big money.
About 8 years ago, primary school allocation deadline was getting close. We have a lovely primary school at the end of our road, but they had no after school childcare at the time and the only local-ish childminder had just stopped collecting from there. Therefore my first choice was another school a few miles away, but on my way to work and with after school club.
I was really stressed about not getting my desired school and being allocated local school so popped into mother and baby club to do some mum networking and see whether there are other childcare solutions. I was looked upon like an alien for working full time, and everybody had an mother earth job like the ones you are describing. Luckily, I got the school I wanted!

queenMab99 · 19/03/2025 10:51

I'm surprised you found articles of any length among all the adverts for impossibly expensive stuff! I have always been so disappointed with magazines like Country Living and Good Housekeeping.

Giggorata · 19/03/2025 10:51

So enjoyed this thread, everyone has got it spot on!

(I live among 'em, in a village which is happily full of mixed types, even a pauper like me. It's as good as a play.)

PoppyBaxter · 19/03/2025 10:53

This cracked me up! Very well written.

I can't read CL anymore. I can't bear to read about another hedge fund manager and his interior designer wife!

possumtea · 19/03/2025 10:59

This post regulated my cns

Bubblesgun · 19/03/2025 11:10

meditatingwithdolly · 19/03/2025 10:32

And did you buy your mushroom brush from the CL woman? The very thought of a mushroom losing it's flavour is enough to make me want to take to my bed! I cannot cope with any such tragedies so early in the morning.

😆

@meditatingwithdolly i enjoyed reading the thread, never read one fully. Thank you.

i used to love to read Wry Society at the back of how to spend it (oh i should have been born a trust fund lady 😜😆😆). Why did they stop it?

Bubblesgun · 19/03/2025 11:10

Oh and I would buy your trilogy too @meditatingwithdolly

kitchentablegardentable · 19/03/2025 11:20

I love this Grin Fab writing.

In reality though, these people irk me something rotten.

something similar popped up on my social media recently. Think it was Home and Garden or House and Home or something.

The editor very kindly showing us around her literally castle of a home, which she felt “very grateful” to have inherited from her husbands parents when they moved into one of their smaller properties and passed on the family pile to them.

Much hand-wringing ensued about the correct curtains, the correct paint for walls which caught the evening sun, moving a doorway which was previously moved by her husbands grandfather in order to allow access for an absolutely monstrous Christmas tree cut from their extensive grounds each year.

It was all utter bullshit and I hated each and every person mentioned in their tale…but there’s no denying it makes excellent reading.

HappySquashGirl · 19/03/2025 11:20

@InigoJollifant I'm sure she would be a riot to hang out with but probably also a nightmare friend in real life. Did you see in the depths of winter she trailered the whole family plus horses into the middle of exmoor in the snow for instalols and shock surprise got the decrepit landy stuck in the snow on the tiny lanes on the way home and was stranded with kids and horses. Some life saving friend swooped in to rescue them but if that had been me being so daft I would have been far too ashamed to mention it never mind post about it on SM 🤣

Mirabai · 19/03/2025 11:30

Good work OP. 😆

I do actually know people like this. Money buys a lot of ethics.

YouOKHun · 19/03/2025 11:34

meditatingwithdolly · 18/03/2025 22:13

They never engage in such lowly things as carnal desires. Morning sunrises, early dew on the chinese pansies and the smell of a freshly dropped cow pat is all the pleasure you need.

Well quite @meditatingwithdolly there is absolutely no need for that kind of fortnightly unpleasantness. Tabitha is so fertile thanks to her foraged diet supplemented with a weekly visit to Daylesford that she only has to rub up against Sebastian’s linen trousers and they immediately have to phone the prep school to put yet another name down for a place!

This is actually good news as keeping up contact at the prep school is vital as this is a major market for Tabitha’s must-have pieces and for Sebastian’s “curated” vintage items which supplement his private family income. Fellow parents are very willing customers for Tabitha’s appliqué products which a dear little forrin woman runs up for her for a very reasonable price. At the school fair (which is more of a luxury shopping experience) Tabitha sells her appliqué cushions for £120 each to another Tabitha who sells Tabitha some cracked vintage flower pots for £120 each. Sebastian buys some linen shirts that another Sebastian has imported from a contact he has in Tuscany. Sebastian buys three in every colour for £500 before returning to his stall where he sells 4 rusty scythes and a rotting barrel he found in the barn for £750 to another Tabitha who is an interior designer.

Tabitha the interior designer helps her friend Tabitha choose between Elephant’s Breath and Dog’s Breakfast for the interior walls of her artfully distressed Rectory. Tabitha has also been on a shopping mission to a market in France where she has picked up some delightful vintage French books to fill the new library at the Rectory as Sebastian who lives at the rectory isn’t a great reader and only has a 1972 Boys Own annual and a book about breeding goats. As none of the Tabithas or Sebastians speak French the books have been placed upside down on the shelves and no one has noticed.

Linen shirted Sebastian spends a bit of inheritance and the rusty scythe money on a vintage 1967 Landrover which a sharp local farmer sells to him for £30,000, charging him £200 to tow it half a mile up the road. Tabitha is unhappy as the farmer drives over her camomile lawn and so Sebastian has to sleep in the Landrover and there will be no breaching of Tabitha’s Cabbages & Roses Victorian style bloomers for some time to come. So he has to be content with early sunrises and morning dew.

starfishmummy · 19/03/2025 11:38

I used to get the Coast mag (same publishers I think) and imagine myself wafting round my coastal house which is uncluttered, tidy and decorated completely in white, we'd be eating all our meals outside in the sunshine among the flowers and shady trees...

Reality is we are an urban family with clutter, white furnishings would be filthy in 10 minutes and as a hay-fever sufferer, who burns in ths sun eating outside would not happen.

countrygirl99 · 19/03/2025 11:39

@atriskacademic there's a village near us where I reckon the definition of poverty is the nanny/au pair that enables the esoteric hobby business, like organic dung flower pots etc, drives a 2nd hand SUV.

Flightsoffancy · 19/03/2025 11:47

crackofdoom · 19/03/2025 08:43

Are these brushes to brush mushrooms with, or brushes made out of mushrooms? I do hope it's the former.

Sadly, the brushes are for the mushrooms. Brushes made out of mushrooms are an as yet unexploited CL career. Will now ditch the day job and send the four page feature when it's out. There's got to be a 'brushrooms' gag in there somewhere...

meditatingwithdolly · 19/03/2025 12:18

Country Living: Trauma issue

Early childhood trauma, adult tragedies and a subsequent mental health breakdown spurred 31 year old father of five, former equine vet Roger to revaluate his priorities in life. Coming from a long line of world renowned veterinary surgeons, the pain on Roger's face is palpable. He is, however, stoic. "I come from humble beginnings," explains Roger, seated next to wife Merriweather, with whom he is so clearly in love. "I didn't have an ensuite until I was 15, for which I was mercilessly bullied at school. My mother thought they were incredibly gauche and wouldn't tie in with the 730BC family farmhouse, but daddy could see how badly I was affected and finally caved in and commissioned a local ethical architect to install one. The damage, however, had been done. But I refuse to call myself a victim, or even a survivor", he reflects, from the linhay, which is usually only used at Michaelmas for singing family carols that were composed by Roger's great-great-grandfather. "I much prefer the term warrior," he explains, whilst Merriweather brushes back the fringe that has fallen over his face. "That way I'm not defined by trauma".
But this certainly wasn't the happy ending Roger was hoping for. After graduating as a vet, anxiety crept in. "Every month, seeing that salary drop into my bank account gave me a lead ball feeling in the pit of my stomach". Roger pauses to summons the strength; I remind him that he doesn't need to relive this pain if he doesn't want to. "It must be done" he insists. "No good will come if I don't tell my story". Merriweather caresses his thigh and reassures him that he is strong, he can do this. "It's hard to explain, but that money felt so wrong, so undeserved, so uncouth. I've always had low self esteem, but I was at an all time low. The only way I can describe how I felt was like a twentieth century Fagan in a modern Dickensian novel. I was the villian. I felt everyone despised me, I depised myself, and everyone else. Merriweather shakes her head, her swooshy hair swooshing back and forth. It is clear how badly this affected her too. "I came to the conclusion that we are living in a rapidly expanding universe that will one day implode into smithereens, and that there is more to life than money. I'm here to make a difference" continued Roger bravely. "The day I resigned from my job I felt the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. I could finally breathe again".
Whilst Roger went on a six month retreat on an island so remote it doesn't even have a name, in order to decide what to do next, Merriweather became the breadwinner. Her job was manning the pony rides at the annual village fete on their beloved miniature Shetland Bongo, who Roger had delivered as a young child. "People might think this is an easy ride" [pardon the pun] laughs Merriweather, "but people simply have no idea of the amount of work that goes on behind the scenes. It's not all fun and games - the feeding, the mucking out, deciding on the perfect macrame brow band to keep the flies out of Bongo's eyes....the list just goes on and on". The night before the annual village fete, Merriweather was lying in bed, fretting over what cashmere top of hers would coordinate with the hand sewn bunting on the pony ride arena, completely unaware of the disaster that was awaiting her. She swallows before continuing.
"I had just taken a 15 minute break from the arena to do some restorative breath work when I heard a loud shriek. Bongo had taken a chunk out of a child's knee," she recalls, visibly going back into the moment. "He had always been a cheeky chappy, but this was completely out of character. I felt as if I was a character in a Dystopian film. If I lost my job how would the family survive?". Thankfully, a local horse whisperer was able to ascertain that it was a complete one off event from Bongo, he had been so cross that the macrame threads on his brow band were 18mm long, the cheeky devil much prefers the 15mm length", Merriweather laughs. "It's amazing what animals can teach us. I will not make that mistake again". That was not the end though...
Two years later, just as Merriweather was getting over the Bongo/injured child saga (there was still no sign of Roger), she received a phone call from her five year old son Ivo's boarding matron, Venezuela, to say that she had been trying to contact her for the last 6 months about Ivo. Merriweather laughs as she swooshes her hair and explains "these urban dwellers simply don't understand the stresses of Country Living. I told her I had been very busy dealing with the stress of a past trauma and I couldn't bear to answer the phone. Obviously when she told me that Ivo had gone mute I was very worried, but I couldn't leave Bongo to drive the 45 minute journey to see him. I did the obvious thing, which was to instruct my neighbour Jilly, who had a new business of offering pregnant cow therapy to traumatized children to drive straight there. I was out of my mind with worry" she recalls, as a single tear drops down her smooth, unbotoxed cheek. I ask her about the pregnant cow therapy, and she explains that the aggressive, unpredictable behaviour of late stage pregnancy cows induces a fight/flight response in young children, when they are confined in a small space with the cow. This in turn releases chemicals in the brain, which make the mind forget because it's so traumatic, so it's essentially resetting the brain, making it start from scratch. It might sound cruel, but it's nature's own medicine" she assures. She goes on - "Jilly phoned me that night to say that after 7 hours of the therapy that Ivo managed to speak. The relief was immense," she says, whilst gasping. It transpired that poor Ivo was deeply scarred by the salt pig in the boarding house not actually being in the shape of a pig!". Both Roger and Merriweather erupt into fits of laughter at this embarrassing discovery. "You see, in recent years there are many 100% bursary children in their boarding school, and we are really seeing the negative consequences. Our other four children would never have made the same mistake!". This inspired Merriweather to set up her own business, making pig shaped salt pigs out of sustainable pig poo. "I simply cannot bear the thought of the same thing happening to another child" she says sadly. "The world outside of our 500 acre home is a cruel place, and we, as responsible adults have to leave a legacy".
So, where does Roger come back into the story, I ask. "Oh him," laughs Merriweather. "I was adjusting the macrame brow band on Bongo's new handmade artisan leather bridle made from recycled Moroccan moccasins one day (she tells me she purchased this on a 3 month break in Fez to restore her central nervous system after the trauma of salt-pig gate) and Roger just returned, like the prodigal son". They both hoot with laughter, but Roger is more bashful.
"It was something I had to do" he explains. "My lymbothoracic system just couldn't take anymore of modern consumerism. It was literally killing me". "Yes darling, that's what stress does" Merriweather affirms. Roger tells me whilst on his island-so-remote-it-doesn't-have-a-name, he had a flashback to a holiday his family went on when he was 9 months old to a peat bog in Ireland. "That was it" he exclaims confidently, "I knew what I had to do". He produces a small, wooden tapered dowel, finer than a pencil but as smooth and sleek as the pebbles I used to skim over the lakes of Tuscany as a child. "It's for removing dirt from the inside of spring onions" he tells me, lovingly fingering the length of it like a baby's face. "I've finally found my purpose" says Roger, the tension now fully lifted from his face. As we look out from the linhay, Roger points out the second linhay he had built for his business, and the workshop that was comissioned for Merriweather's salt pigs-in-the-shape-of-pigs, in the shape of a Moroccan tagine dish. Merri felt she needed complete immersion in order to create the perfectly imperfect product. Salt pigs originate from Casablanca, and Merri she wanted to pay homage to that" Roger tells me.
And what do the children (Ivan 17, Ivor 15, Ivy 12 and now 9 year old Ivo) think of the shift? "Oh them", Merriweather reassures. "They are so incredibly engrossed with boarding school life, they don't want to even come home". They both erupt again into fits of laughter. "No, seriously," says Roger. "They know Bongo comes first. We are both so incredibly busy with Country Living to be tied up with the monotony of homework, teenage acne and underage sex. "They are very in tune, they know the score. The boarding mistress tells us they are all doing exceptionally well though. They know the trauma I went through, and don't want to add to my stress". Merriweather nods. "Absolutely not" she says.
Just then, a long legged figure with even swooshier hair than Merriweather's strides into view, with the sun behind her back. "It's Jilly!" they both exclaim, Roger more enthusiastically than Merri though. "Rog has been helping Jilly out since the sudden death of her late husband three weeks earlier" Merri explains. "Something about thrusting therapy, I've no interest really, it's something Roger picked up whilst away. We have to repay Jilly for the trauma work she did with Ivo, and she's feeling so much better now". I look over at Jilly, who looks down coyly, but has a definite blush spreading across her face. "What can I say", she whispers, "Country Living is all about helping out neighbours in their time of need". "It's not about me" Roger offers, "it's about giving back to the land, the cosmos and the soul. A life worth living is a life of giving". A cheeky spaniel frollicks in the distance, attempting to mount Merri's leg. Parakeets sing in the trees and the wild salmon leap periodically out of the nearby stream. I have no idea how I will ever leave.

OP posts:
Fourpaw · 19/03/2025 12:20

HappySquashGirl · 19/03/2025 08:56

I follow the horsey instagram Jilly and it's wild. Lots of pics of them renovating the ~massive stone farmhouse~ hovel they live in and lots of videos of horses, chickens, barefoot children tripping in and out of the house, but no one seems to do any work 😆 and yet.. off the eldest goes to an exclusive private school every term.

I'd love to know who the other instagram Jilly is, it's insane but fun to follow 😊

My country life consists of mucking out stables in 20 year old jeans and wellies with holes in, trailing mess about in a clapped out car and constantly picking hay and dog hairs out of clothes and soft furnishings. I'm miles away from the CL dream 😆

I want to know who the other one is too!

Baital · 19/03/2025 12:30

If you put 2 linhays together, face to face, would they become a barn? 🤔

But I see Jilly has got ahead of me in the Roger-ing department with her spaniel 😪

meditatingwithdolly · 19/03/2025 12:35

Baital · 19/03/2025 12:30

If you put 2 linhays together, face to face, would they become a barn? 🤔

But I see Jilly has got ahead of me in the Roger-ing department with her spaniel 😪

They aren't together, they are facing each other, so that they mirror one another's esoteric history and local folklore.
Roger was too much of a gentleman to turn down a damsel in distresses cries of help.

OP posts:
Baital · 19/03/2025 12:48

I knew I should have got a spaniel...

Londonmummy66 · 19/03/2025 12:50

tiny little business in the British Virgin Islands providing laundry services for a biotech firm

😂

Goldusty · 19/03/2025 12:56

Screamingabdabz · 18/03/2025 21:13

Brilliant op. YANBU.

I live in a deprived area where people live on soulless new build estates if they’re lucky. The “…I sourced hand painted antique tiles at a delightful tea house in Marrakesh which match beautifully with the hand carved rainforest wood panelling in the en-suite guest room when I was decorating my tumble down 10 bedroom Cotswold bolt hole …” is so far removed from my every day existence that it reads like a copy of Viz ‘spoilt bastard channels pretentiousness’.

Love this and OPs post. You have both given me a giggle 😄

Pianoaholic · 19/03/2025 12:56

@meditatingwithdolly your latest post was one of the funniest things I have read on here, your imagination knows no bounds!
Why isn't this in Classics yet?!

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 19/03/2025 13:14

meditatingwithdolly · 19/03/2025 08:02

To the pp who wants a Focat, obviously due to the very sensitive nature I can't divulge details on pricing. You must visit Reggie's mating station, knock three times, make it clear that you are not interested in mating and then wait for instruction. He's very professional.

Edited

Do you need to supply your own willing fox lady?

Asking for a friend.

Chipsahoy · 19/03/2025 13:17

I love the way you write! I was immersed.

I live in the country. Very rural lovely views. To burst your bubble, my dogs are still twats at times, the neighbours, albeit half a mile away, hate us. And there is a lot of mud.
On the other hand we see deer all the time, I had to wait twenty mins today for all the sheep to be moved from the one field to another before I could drive on and the bird song is spectacular!

countrygirl99 · 19/03/2025 13:49

Baital · 19/03/2025 12:48

I knew I should have got a spaniel...

I've got 2 spaniels and my country life is more mud and poo than linhays and organic macrame. Mine must be seconds.