To think that people who constantly cut others off for being “toxic” are actually just unbearable themselves?

[UniqueOlivePombear]

If you’ve had to “remove negativity” from your life five times this year, maybe you’re the common denominator.

Similar here. I let toxic people in because I didn't know how to implement boundaries. When I finally figured it out, I had to cut them off and start again. My relationships made since are much healthier, life is much better. Wish I'd figured it all out sooner.

People who say things like this are the people who get cut off and they can’t fathom that they’re the problem.

I’ve recently cut a friend of 5 years out of my life because she was making my life unbearable. I’m much happier since I’ve cut her off. Prior to that I cut someone else out of my life. Both these women were bossy and controlling and spoke to me like I was an idiot all the time. Tried to walk all over me and make me feel like I was beneath them. Funnily enough these two women absolutely hate each other and told me each other was treating me badly. They both were! They were both the exact same person which is why they didn’t like each other.

Thing is I’ve had the same best friend for 27 years and never remotely felt like cutting her out. Neither of those women have any long term friends. Between them a lot of ex friends and ex boyfriends but none ever stick around. Wonder why?

To think that people who constantly cut others off for being “toxic” are actually just unbearable themselves?

Or they know their worth and are strong enough to cut people out. It’s not an easy thing to go no contact but sometimes you have to.

Agree. When I think about the people I know who have "cut out toxic people" - they are definitely the common denominator.

Perhaps with one exception where they are absolutely lovely and it's entirely justified.

If it's just one person that is toxic then perhaps they have a point. When you hear about several people in one family all ganging up on this poor perscuted person then you do have to wonder.

Some people seem to face toxicity everywhere they go in life. In their family, at school, in relationships, in friendships, in the workplace, even with their own children in the end. If you keep needing to go 'no contact' with people or they need to go no contact with you, and it's not a complete one-off but something of a pattern in your life then it's a big fat clue to the fact that you are a large part (or the entire part) of the problem.

I've had a few ex friends cut me out of their lives and, while I wouldn't exactly say any of them were "toxic", they all had developed a habit of doing that to people, one from when she was 11 years old.

Sure, but it won’t be the case for everyone. Of all the ‘toxic’ people walking all over people we rarely hear from them. It’s always the poster who’s the victim. I know from experience many toxic people see themselves as the victim. I was when I was toxic lol. It’s hard to reframe your mindset and realise you’re the issue and have changes to make. But you will be better for it and life will be happier.

Forgot to add that another thing I’ve noticed in people who do this is a staggering self awareness. Eg someone who has cut both her family on both sides and her in laws off (even though her DC loved spending time with their cousins the same age yet now never see them) is hellbent on having a huge family “to make up for theirs” - yet doesn’t realise they’re actually modelling dysfunctional or “toxic”, as they put it, relationships quite beautifully.

I am the first to hold my hand up when I've made mistakes. We all have toxic traits. Recognising that and continually trying to improve is important. It's very difficult being friends with people who cannot do that for whatever reason.

Yes. This was me. I cut a lot of people out when I was younger, moving on constantly, never dealing with the core issue. Which was me. Damaged by my difficult childhood, but the problem was me, nonetheless.

And I see this play out with other people too. I try not to get involved/give advice, because I'd be a hypocrite to do that after the people I've hurt. But yes. Those of us that cut others out are frequently at fault. It's taken me a long time to work this out and for a lot of the people I hurt, it's too late now.

It's fantastic and refreshing that you can admit that. You've obviously done a lot of soul searching and growing and have developed good emotional intelligence. Well done. I think so many people would be happier in the long run if they could do the same.

There is a fine line between tolerance and abuse . There are people I have cut off for this reason . A line has to be drawn somewhere. Trust your instincts always .

I have learned through life (61 now) that if a colleague describes anyone as "toxic", or "narcissist", do not let them in to your social media.

One colleague in particular was a bit of a drama llama - "I really don't get on with my mum at the moment" becomes "My mum is so toxic, an absolute narcissist".

I did make the mistake of saying that narcissistic traits can be inherited. But she didn't speak to me for a week which was a bit of a result. She thinks I'm "toxic", when the word she needs is opinionated. (Which I totally accept).