To say "no presents necessary" for 5y/o party

[PartyGirl25]

Hi all, need some advice. DC is 5 soon and in year R. So still forming friendships etc hence lots of birthday parties are whole class. We are intending to do this, but more about her keeping her pool of friends wide whilst she is still in this phase. We realise there have been lots of parties, and we always ask if there is anything child would like, but for DCs I would like to say on invite "no presents necessary" or something so there is no pressure to buy, but also reduce the amount of stuff she might end up with (which she probably doesn't need!) so....
IABU : to ask for no gifts, I'm a meanie,
Or IANBU, gifts are an extra cost/pressure and kids don't need 20+ new things on top of family gifts
Any advice on better wording if I do add it to invite! Tia

I agree in principle. But. It is so hard to word without looking like a dick, and people will then still turn up with a gift and the other kids will feel bad.

in this situation i would not pop it on the invite, I’d mention it when you get the rsvp eg “delighted you can come to the party, Billy is already v excited! Btw no need to buy a present as we have soooo much stuff, if you feel you cannot turn up empty handed 😂 then a card and a bag of Maltesers or something would make the birthday boy happy!”

By mentioning something small like that, you set a subtle spend limit.

Many parents will simply recycle one of the gifts they got at the last party anyway… so often it’s a “no spend” situation! (I spirit away about 50% of my primary dc gifts for regifting!)

I wouldn’t because people like to bring gifts, plus the kids talk non-stop about this kind of thing at school. You just have to accept that birthday parties for kids involve gifts and plan on giving what you don’t need to your local charity shop

Honestly no please don't do this. Your child is 5 this is probably one of the only parties she will have where the whole class will be invited.

Imagine the feelings of a 5 year old child inviting all these people to her party and none of them bringing her a gift. People will bring her a present even if you say not to because no one will quite rightly want the poor kid to feel like they are not worth even a token present.

It seems a bit mean. Like a pp said, even if you do it, some people will turn up with presents anyway.

She's 5. Let her enjoy getting presents.

I’m probably part of the problem, but I would struggle to turn up without a gift to a child’s party. I think the only way to avoid lots of unwanted gifts for a child’s party is to ask for books as gifts. Most people won’t mind that request too much, and it’s a cheap gift anyway. Requests for money are incredibly polarising, and many won’t want to bring nothing along.

Everyone in my groups say that because we don’t want to look like grabbers, and everyone brings a present because we all know that children want presents.

The children will usually bring colouring books / little craft sets as IME when you get invited to 10+ parties in the whole year they don't spend loads on all the kids. It's more symbolic. The kids love running in and handing over the gift, the birthday child loves receiving them. It's not necessarily a bad thing. You can always donate surplus to the charity shop if you feel like. I've had a couple of parents message me directly asking what DC likes and that's when I usually respond no pressure!

In my area it’s very common to say “no gifts please” on the invitation. If you genuinely want no gifts, I think you need to say no gifts, because if you say something like “gifts not necessary,” everyone will still feel like they ought to bring a gift in that situation.

No I don't think you can put that on a 5 year old's invite, and the dcs are getting an afternoon of free entertainment so it's fair to expect them to bring one. We get far too many gifts and we sell the stuff she won't use on Vinted to recoup the cost of hall hire, entertainment etc.

Most people round here put a fiver in the card. Some add on a packet of sweets as well. So you dont end up with loads of stuff and the birthday child can buy themselves one thing they really want.

Just let them bring a gift, people will spend within their budget hopefully. You might only have a few whole-class parties and there’s something special when you’re 5 about having so many presents to open when you get home!

That seems really mean - opening all the presents afterwards is one of the joys of whole class party (and they are otherwise few and far between 😂). You might find you get cash anyway, probably 1/4 of the gifts at my six year old's party recently were cash or gift cards.

Children love to give presents and my son is very attached to some of the things he was given, which are things I would never have thought to buy him.

People will bring them anyway. I think it's better to suggest that if people want to bring a present, something small is perfect. Our class do the fiver in a card thing and that works really well.

I think it just makes things awkward for the other parents tbh. Just let them get a present.

Meh, I never buy gifts! I stick a tenner in a card as I know how overwhelming it can be to receive 29 gifts at once!!

My living room still hasn't recovered from dd's party at the end of last year!! 29 gifts just before Xmas and DH let her open them all when had to pop back to party venue for some forgotten bits!! 😱😱

I think it's very noble of you to not want people to bring gifts and I completely understand your reasons for this. I just had a birthday party for my 1 year old and wanted to tell people the same, but DH said let people bring what they want. Turned out everyone brought a completely different gift and most things we didn't actually have or know we wanted/needed!

We always said no gifts in DC school. The norm was £5 in a card and it's so much easier than trying to pick up a gift for every birthday.

We used to say: Your presence is the present! If you'd like to give something small, £5 in a card would be more than enough.

I tried this with my daughter’s 5th birthday - whole class + others, early in the academic year (so first all class party), and as the youngest child we were full to bursting. I think I said something like “as it’s such a big party please don’t feel you need to bring a gift” or something. We got presents from everyone.

It’s simply the social convention to bring a gift to a child’s party. No one will feel put out by bringing a gift, but people will feel confused if you ask them not to (because socially it will still be implied that they are meant to). Just accept the gifts. It’s the kind thing to do. And it’s lovely and exciting for them to receive presents. Just scale back on your family gifts. I agree, it’s annoying and I hate all the excess stuff (same with party bags, you will be expected to do those too), but it’s just part of the deal if you want to have a party.

Part of the fun of birthday parties when they are primary age is choosing a present for their friend. I love asking my kids ‘what is Emily/Peter/Jessica into’ and hearing their answer and we buy something accordingly. It shows their thinking and observation skills and they get so excited handing the present over.
Yes the kids will end up with junk they don’t need but you can syphon that into the charity bag

Think it’s a bit sad! Let your kid have a proper birthday. She can say charity donations only please when she’s a grown up

I think it's mean, sorry. DD5 was invited to a 'no gifts' party a few months ago, something we had never experienced before. The explanation given was 'environmental reasons.' I couldn't turn up to a 5 year olds party with no present no matter what the parents wanted, so DD chose a very small craft set to wrap up for him.

People are dicks and will bring gifts no matter what you do. I put on my 5 year old's invitation please don't bring a gift because we don't have a car and won't be able to get home with all the gifts. Pretty goddamn clear! About half still brought a gift! We had to struggle home carrying a mountain of stuff and if there had been one more thing we would have had to leave it behind.
Recently we've been invited to some parties where they set up an online collection and said if you'd like to put a pound in here we can buy this new Lego set or whatever, seems like the best idea to me and what I'll do next time.

We have $2 coins here, so lots of people do “twoonie” parties. Or, if the child is animal mad, bring a donation for the local animal shelters.

Has your child said they don't want presents? I think it's a bit mean to make that decision for her.