8 week old baby. When does it get better?

[265IceCream]

Please please tell me when I will get slightly more sleep? I thought we'd have it down by 8 weeks but I'm actually sleeping less now than at 3-4 weeks. He sleeps longer stretches (4-5 hours at night) but he SCREAMS 8-11pm and I'm so wound up, I can't fall asleep right away. He also gets very loud (grunting, thrashing about) in the last 1-2 hours of his sleep. Then by the time I have fed him and held him up long enough (he has reflux), it's 6am when he goes to sleep again but I can't. It's morning and I can’t just sleep. I try, I really do.

Then when I could nap in the day, lunch time onwards, he's wide awake.

There's nothing wrong with the baby other than some wind and reflux.

I KNOW every mum probably goes through this. But I have no mum friends. I'm the first in my friendship group to have a baby (I'm 34 so not exactly young). Any mum groups require driving and I can’t do it all by myself (faffing about with the buggy, car seat, too much faff). I feel too tired to drive safely.

Hi OP, I feel for you having no mum friends or local groups. It is soooooooooooooo exhausting and stressful isn't it? And isolating too.
Things will get better. Sending you support and strength as opposed to advice

Ah poor you, I was you this time last year with DS2. He's now one and a great sleeper so it does get better. Have you googled the witching hour? Both mine were terrible in the evening at this age but it will pass soon.
I also noticed someone else mentioned infacol - I found this worked well. Whether it actually helped with wind or it was just that it gives a different taste in their mouth so distracts them it's definitely worth a shot. Sending big hugs, motherhood is super tough especially in the early days.

Infacol. It changed our lives.

Get to a baby massage or sensory class once a week if you can to meet other mums / get a sling so no need for buggy

Or if you're in a village start a mums and baby coffee morning in a pub or cafe

Remember you don't have to exclusively breastfeed it's not worth it if it ruins your mental health- formula at night is an option

@Unexpectedlysinglemum baby absolutely rejects dummies and bottle, not a chance for either, we keep trying

@ManhattanPopcorn unfortunately infacol makes reflux much worse apparently.

@ChateauProvence that's what we were doing until about 7-10 days ago and it was working brilliantly. But baby has decided to start fussing and cluster feeding from around the time DH comes home from work until 11-12 at night. Even if I wasn't breastfeeding, there is nowhere you can hide from the screaming.

I was you this at exactly this time a year ago with a 2 month old! I remember having endless tabs open on google saying 'when does this get better' and I didn't believe it would, but it did, and it will for you too. We had apalling sleep (a 4 hour stint would have been unthinkable) until about February, but by about November I was feeling better able to cope with it, and I found it easier to sleep when I got a window - usually when my husband took her early morning. I found earplugs, eye mask, magnesium spray and white noise good for trying to trick myself into a sleep in the early hours. I think post natal hormones do make it difficult to sleep, and the cortisol from a screaming baby doesn't help.

It's shit, absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done. But it will get better, I promise. If you can persevere with trying him with a bottle then it will help you get a break from the breastfeeding. Cluster feeding is the pits! But it does end, take heart.

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time.

With the wind and reflux and screaming at the boob - do you have a fast let down? Sometimes hand expressing or pumping initially then getting baby to latch can help.

I know you mentioned getting to baby groups can be a faff but if there is a breastfeeding group near you you a practitioner could also help give support on position and attachment which can help in addition to meeting other new mams going through similar.

Things will get easier though I say through the fog of a big sleep regression!

@265IceCream i found weeks 6-8 the hardest and then I promise things did get easier. Could your OH maybe take the baby from 5am so you can sleep for an hour or so then? It is so hard but it really does get easier. My LO has CMPA which I think did cause a lot of the problems and her reflux but from 12 weeks she was like a different baby and was sleeping 9pm- 4am and then back down until 7am. I am currently in the middle of a 8 month regression and teething but nothing seems as hard as those early days as I think you know that everything is a phase and each hard patch does end. Hang on in there it will get better x

@OneKookyPinkShaker I think so, baby sometimes chokes on the milk in the beginning, especially if it's been more than 2 hours since last feed, is that a fast let down?

@265IceCream also my LO has reflux but infacol definitely helped her

You’re literally on the edge of it about to improve! 8wks is notorious for cluster feeding, it’s your baby regulating your supply and them going through a growth spurt. Soon enough, you’re going to wake in a panic as your baby hasn’t woken you as you’ve been accustomed to and your boobs feel like they’re about to explode!

For me, it was around the 10wks when I woke in a panic as my baby had done a 6hr sleep.

It’s absolutely brutal right now, but the end is in sight!

I also found Infacol and expressing and adding Optibac baby probiotic to some milk made a big difference to the gas and reflux

Mine leaves early too so I used to go back to sleep with the baby from about 7-9.
Ill be honest my kids are years older
now and sleep is just never the same. I’ve hardly had any this week due to one projectile vomiting and the other has an all night cough.

Try to get out for a walk and to groups. You can manage the car seat and buggy you’ll be doing it quickly in no time. Don’t let it put you off. Get a lie in tomorrow while hubby isnt at work.
Find a Bf drop in or baby group for next week and make yourself go. Chatting with other sleep deprived mums can be really helpful! Get some coffee with them

I didn't breastfeed so can't relate to cluster feeding but I remember going through a horrendous phase of baby screaming. We took it in turns to comfort her, whenever one person needed a break from the screaming the other would step in, until she calmed down. It was a massive team effort. It did come to an end. 💕 Are you able to catch any sleep during the day?

Further to my previous post, I have remembered some more things we did around 3 months that may help.
Get some baby probiotics to help his gut (we used Optibac baby drops first, then cycled through different strains), see a cranial osteopath, and cut out dairy from your diet to see if that helps.

My baby just had HFM and didn't sleep for more than 45 minutes in one go for 4 nights on the trot. It was significantly easier to deal with than those first few months despite the fact we are both working full time. I'm exhausted and now ill, but we survived.

Have you been to GP about the reflux? Gaviscon made a huge difference to my baby with reflux.
Cluster feeding comes and goes, it's temporary as hard as it is in the moment.

I used a sling too so I could keep baby upright after feeds and do other things (like eat!) but it did settle them. DC2 would sleep hours in a wrap but scream the second o tried to put him down. At the worst sleep phase I learned to sleep in small bursts sitting up while he napped in the wrap.

I remember those days so clearly and you have absolute sympathy. It does end, hang in there and sleep whenever you can

Yes that's a sign of having a fast let down, maybe give it a try with hand expressing or pumping before putting baby on the boob it could help!

You genuinely thought he'd be sleeping at 8 weeks?

I don't even know what to say

You'll be ok OP, it will come right in the end

I think it's really good he sleeps 12-4:30, that's a nice chunk.

What time do you go to bed? Maybe go to bed7/8 before the first wake

@RedRobyn2021 no, I absolutely didn't think he'd sleep through the night. I was doing a million times better 2 weeks ago when he was sleeping 2 hour chunks. Now he sleeps a 4-5 hour chunk but SCREAMS for hours before that and then afterwards he's awake for much longer so I actually get a lot less sleep. No need to be snarky to a woman who is struggling and asking for help. So yeah given I felt better at 4 weeks, I thought things would improve even further. They're not and I'm struggling. Apologies if I've offended you with my stupidity.

I would honestly try the infacol OP. If you're saying you haven't tried because it's not recommended for reflux. It didn't fix the problem for us but it was the only thing that helped and we stockpiled it during April 2020 when the shops kept running out of Baby medicine because we NEEDED it!
And then by.... 7? Months? I think he had grown out of colic/reflux and I think I still have some unopened bottles!
(It did get better before 7 months though... but with the infacol)

I don't know why some people are making patronising comments about how you thought your baby might be sleeping at 8 weeks. It's not completely unheard of. My first 3 children were sleeping in 8 hour stretches at night by 2 months old and by 3 months it was 12 hours. And I didn't do anything special. Baby number 4 is only 4 days old now so hasn't got the memo yet 😂 Just wanted to say don't make people let you feel foolish. Not everyone's babies are the same. And not every baby experiences "sleep regressions" either btw.

My kids have all had CMPA and reflux. The only thing that helped was prescription formula (obviously you breastfeed so you would need to cut out cows milk from your own diet) and liquid omeprazole. It really made a difference to their overall wellbeing and being unsettled.

Oh and the getting out the house thing - please just keep trying. It can seem daunting and like a juggling act with car seats and prams and nappy bags etc but you eventually do get used to it. Two of mine were twins on oxygen and getting out was a mission but it soon becomes second nature.

You need to accept the faff and start driving to mother/baby groups. Babies are all about faff until around 3 or 4 years old.
Did you do NCT/ante natal classes? Stay in touch with them.