To not let kids win?

[Sprogonthetyne]

When I play something competitive with the kids, I play to win, not super seriously or necessarily putting in full effort, but I don't intentionally lose. Today it was at swimming, I was playing collect the sinkies against two 7yo's, but I do the same when it's a board or card game.

Do other people do the same, or should I be letting them win to build up their confidence?

I think there's a happy medium. I might let them win the odd time, in a very subtle way to build a bit of confidence but I defo don't agree with the people who let them win every single time. My OHs nephew cannot lose ever, or he will have an absolute meltdown and get really thick. He's 7.

I do both I let them win the odd one but think it's important they learn it's OK to lose

Let them win every so often. But make sure they learn that it's the fun of playing that's mire important than the win. It's a life lesson that will help them long term.

I would definitely not play to win against a 7 year old in most cases. Because I would expect to be better than them and therefore have an unfair advantage. Games of chance, some board games, I might occasionally play to win to keep.it interesting. It would be boring for them to lose all the time.

I'm very competitive, so DS rarely wins with me 😂 That being said, we enjoy the playing more than the winning. My friends think I'm crazy, and always let him win!

My six year old is a terrible loser, and I do make sure to beat him sometimes at connect four or whatever, so he can learn about losing graciously. But it would be unfair to routinely always beat him.

@Heidi2018 my girl was the same. If she lost it was the end of the world. She lost because I don't see pretending they're brilliant at something as the way forward but she's now diagnosed autistic so explains much.

I think it's an age and stage thing.

I wouldn't run a race against a two year old and beat them.

I would play fairly connect four with a child.

Little tiny ones care more about completing something. So we do fun games and things at nursery. They want to try their best. I wouldn't want to squash that.

Jordan Peterson says there were studies done with rats where when the rats play fight the bigger rat has to let the smaller rat win a certain percentage of times. If it's too many wins there's no challenge, too few and the smaller rat won't play. They figure out the balance themselves and this seems to be true across the animal kingdom in mammals, and is inbuilt in evolution to aid in young mammals in developing properly.

If the kid never wins they lose interest in playing with you in the end. The adult should be smart enough to suss the balance. After all you're talking about 7 year olds here and you are, presumably, a fully grown and functioning adult.

I am the hungry hippo champion for the last 3 years against my grandson. I never let him win. He very smart and he's recently taught me to play chess and he's the champ!. When he wins whatever game we are playing he's over the moon and he works hard to better himself. We've started playing card games and I have the upper hand again. Give him a few weeks and he will be thrashing me lol.

I let my 4 year old win some of the time. He knows though, sometimes he lets me win which was unexpected! There have been races where we are both trying to let the other one win.

If it's a hame that's random like snakes & ladders no I never let them win. But if it's something more like snap and they're very young I'd give them a chance.
I really think they need to learn to lose sometimes though!

There's a balance to be had, you shouldn't let them win all the time but playing to win all the time against kids is a bit unfair and mean because you're almost always going to have a big advantage over them. You don't want to squash their spirit.

Like the majority, bit of both. When I have a clear advantage (such as collecting sinkers in a pool), I do give them a head start or let them win at times.

If playing guess who/snakes and ladders/dice games, I play as I usually would.

I agree they can’t always expect to win otherwise they don’t learn to be good sport. Equally, there are some things where I’ll always win so I do hold back and give them a chance

That's why I never play a game as a grown up and hate games. It's no fun never winning as a child.

My seven year old has a clear advantage over me collecting sinkies in a pool! But yes a mixture of winning and losing even if like my 7yr old they are awful losers.

I let them win sometimes, but not all the time. I think that's the best way. Unless it's a game if chance it's not a fair competition so they have to be given some advantage.

My dad always let me win. I hated it. I used to beg him not to but he couldn’t help himself.

Playing to win against a couple of 7 year olds sounds a bit ott to me.

I do let/help the kids beat me at games, scrabble, dominoes, garden games but snap, no, no one beats me at snap!! I am the champion!!

No I'm competitive and so are my DC. One year Santa put a 500 piece jigsaw in my stocking and one in my DD's who was 14 at the time. We raced on making our puzzles all day and neither of us let others help us. We put it on pause while we ate dinner then both went back to it afterwards. I won but only by a whisker. I felt very pleased to win.

Depends on the kind of game. A game like Frustration is pure luck so it's every man for himself. But a game requiring more skill and brain development that they may not have yet achieved, I make it easier for them.

I don't think it's unfair to play to win against DC. DH played to win against my youngest son at chess. He taught him the moves at 5. DS has never beaten DH even when DS became an adult. Once DS entered chess competitions at school he almost always won even against teachers because he had learned good strategies from DH. DS does well in a local chess league. DH taught him that learning to lose graciously is almost as important as winning.

Yes this. My 6 year old used to SOB every time she lost against her siblings with Frustration but it doesn't seem fair to make them just pretend they didn't roll that number or something 🙄She's finally gotten over it though. But if we are doing something like badminton, I will sometimes pretend that I missed the shot so she can get some points in while still learning