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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i have namechanged for this just incase i get flamed but ffs talk about rewarding bad behaviour

81 replies

IloveJZ · 21/04/2008 17:02

ok
a group of teens get in acar. driver is not 16. they smash it up.
one dead, one badly hurt and police involved.
in the mean time boy is going to school. not breaking the law. doing year 11 and working VERY hard.
his reward if he gets enough points he can go to school prom.
boy who is hurt in crash(who didn't have brill attendence) breaks the law. wrecks a house. and what reward does he get.
oh he can go to the prom.
seems that is his getting better target.
(soory boy never went to school and was not good when he was there.)
boy (who has worked hard) thinks this is hypocrcy.

OP posts:
2shoes · 21/04/2008 18:14

off course it is terible a boy was killed. how could it be anything else.
ok will accept i abu and accept that breaking the law should be rewarded,(admits defeat)

misdee · 21/04/2008 18:14

teenagers do stupid things. sadly.

and this boy lost what i am assuming was a friend in an accident by making a silly judgement call. he will have to live with that for the rest of his life. isnt that punishment enough?

BrassicMonkey · 21/04/2008 18:16

I think you're being ridiculous 2shoes. It's as if you're suggesting that going to the prom will compensate for that awful experience.

2shoes · 21/04/2008 18:16

oh and
when I say it wasn't a terrible accident what i meant was....
a accident is omething that is no ones thought,
if you get ito a car with a unlicenced driver and get involved in a high speed chase then surely that is not a accident?

BetteNoire · 21/04/2008 18:16

Perhaps the school feel that after this boy has lost his friend in a stupid but tragic accident, they can support him by including him with his peers, and trying to steer him on a path that will mean he has a brighter future in front of him?

Which is a very sensible approach, imo.

2shoes · 21/04/2008 18:17

BrassicMonkey thanks for that.
sorry but I just want to be able to make sure ds doesn't think that kind of behaviour is ok.

BrassicMonkey · 21/04/2008 18:17

I think it's a tragic accident when it involves 2 children.

Mamazon · 21/04/2008 18:17

I think that him breaking the law should be dealt with by the police not the school.

if he has been absent from school a lot and misbehaving whislt there then that alone shoulkd be cause for him to miss this school prom, the crash should have no part in the decision.

Boy A shuld of course be allowed to attend

BrassicMonkey · 21/04/2008 18:18

Surely he knows it's not ok because one of them is now dead.

2shoes · 21/04/2008 18:18

BetteNoire thank you for your post. you put it very well and I will now repeat that to ds. as it makes sense.

littlelapin · 21/04/2008 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2shoes · 21/04/2008 18:20

sorry wee bit off topic.
but when does an accident become not an accident?
forgetting this thread and obviously when young people are involved it is hard to not feel for them and their families.

but if we were talking 2 men in there 30's for examle/

littlelapin · 21/04/2008 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aimsmum · 21/04/2008 18:24

Message withdrawn

Mamazon · 21/04/2008 18:25

yes it is illegal to knowingly be the passenger of an illegal driver.

2shoes · 21/04/2008 18:25

mmmmm see this is the bit i don't get. but there you go.
Think i cocked up with this thread. i knew waht i wanted to say but i came out wrong. so will leave it now and just use BetteNoire post to explain to ds. we might not agree but is does explain it well.
thanks all.

BrassicMonkey · 21/04/2008 18:29

If they were 2 men in their 30s then I'd still feel sad that one of them died. I wouldn't be suggesting that the survivor got a promotion or a pay rise though, so I know what you mean.

I just feel sorry for the boy that survived this crash. He wasn't driving and he's still very young. I agree with what mamazon said about the school and police dealing with the separate issues of attendance and criminal responsibility. I'm not bothered about whether he's allowed to attend the prom or not really, just surprised that it means so much to you considering the circumstances.

Rubyrubyruby · 21/04/2008 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WallOfSilence · 21/04/2008 18:38

"but when does an accident become not an accident?"

Are you suggesting that the driver went out deliberately to kill himself & injure his friend?

A friend of my sister's got a new car & he took his friend for spin in one night... he ended up roling the car & he killed himself. He also left his friend in a wheelchair.... this was an accident, he didn't deliberately go out to kill himself...

So I'm afraid I still don't get what you mean.

And as far as the prom goes, I hope other people there are more welcoming than your son otherwise it will be an awful night for the boy.. who probably is aware of the feeling against him & won't go anyway.

littlelapin · 21/04/2008 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mshadowsisfab · 21/04/2008 19:03

the prom only came into it as in year 11 it is a big thing. any other year it wouldn't have come up.
I get what you are saying though so.
tahnks for all your replies as it has helped me to see it from a different view.
BrassicMonkey have no idea why you have decided to be so

2shoes

BrassicMonkey · 21/04/2008 19:14

I haven't been about it 2shoes. I've disagreed, that's all.

lollipopmother · 21/04/2008 22:13

If the kid was out in the car when he should've been at boarding school then I would've understood the school being involved, but otherwise the school has nothing to do with his outside life, they should only go on what they see at school. If he has earned enough points through good behaviour at school then he should go to the prom, simple. Not that he'll want to go I shouldn't think after seeing the guy he was sat next to die. In any case he wasn't even the driver, so why should he be punished?

LynetteScavo · 21/04/2008 22:23

Is going to the prom really that big a deal?

Wow!

Greyriverside · 21/04/2008 23:10

Can't believe that most people didn't see the point of the OP. If the prom is being used as a reward for good behaviour (and perhaps it shouldn't be) then it should not be offered to someone who has behaved wrongly as it undermines the original message.