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AIBU?

i have namechanged for this just incase i get flamed but ffs talk about rewarding bad behaviour

81 replies

IloveJZ · 21/04/2008 17:02

ok
a group of teens get in acar. driver is not 16. they smash it up.
one dead, one badly hurt and police involved.
in the mean time boy is going to school. not breaking the law. doing year 11 and working VERY hard.
his reward if he gets enough points he can go to school prom.
boy who is hurt in crash(who didn't have brill attendence) breaks the law. wrecks a house. and what reward does he get.
oh he can go to the prom.
seems that is his getting better target.
(soory boy never went to school and was not good when he was there.)
boy (who has worked hard) thinks this is hypocrcy.

OP posts:

Report

mshadowsisfab · 24/04/2008 22:52

thanks sivercrown
and casbie meow

silvercrown · 24/04/2008 19:13

I think the schools should get involved with all sorts of behaviour if it's by their pupils whether in school or out of school. I agree that he shouldn't be allowed to go to the prom just because he;s been involved in an accident - he made the decision to get into that car and whether he was driving or not knew that it was illegal but did it anyway. I have to say I've noticed this whole reward system at school when my first started reception and it is highly unfair - OF COURSE a child who finds it difficult to concentrate/behave should be rewarded when they improve etc but for some reason the children who are good all the time seem to get less attention and rewards which shouts out to them to be naugfhty and then "act" good for a reward - I suppose that's a different issue that should be tackled under another thread but this is a similar situation. The school should take a hardline approach and stick by their original decision that if you don't attend and get enough points then you don't go to the prom. Missing the prom probably doesn't seem like much of a punishment but if that's the line they take with other kids then they should stick to it and not allow this boy to go just because they feel sorry for him for having been in an accident. A child who had perhaps been the passenger in a car driven by a legal driver and involved in a "proper" accident - maybe then I would see the school giving in but this boy knew that the driver wasn't old enough to drive/had no license/insurance etc and had no real lessons - what do these kids think is going to happen?? A few years ago several kids (at 15/16_ were getting into cars and killing themselves OR killing their mates and surviving themselves and everyone was of the opinion that they had surely suffered enough to have been involved in the accident and lost their best friend - NO! - the people who have suffered enough are the parents of the dead child. I'm sorry but I have no sympathy for kids who drive and cause serious accidents - most usually don't care they just think about themselves. I worked at a solicitors office and every day the SAME faces came in charged with yet another joyriding offence. Yes it's so much fun to get in a car when you don't know how to drive and kill another person - of course he should be rewarded.... duh! Your DS just needs to understand life isn't fair and he'll witness crap like this all through his life.

casbie · 24/04/2008 15:43

is it because he hasn't got a girl to go out with?

muttering 'he's studying' and too busy my arse!

FreddysTeddy · 22/04/2008 09:51

I think you need to explain to your DS (as he obviously doesn't understand this already) that sometimes when tragic things happen they supercede all of the normal rules and exceptions are made.

"seem this is his getting better target"

Well maybe it is.

TBH, you'd be far better off teaching your son to learn from what happened than to snipe and backbite over somebody who's been through a quite frankly horrific experience.

mshadowsisfab · 22/04/2008 08:37

bored with this now but will just repeat. this boy had poor attendance before he got involved in this incident.
his attendance and behaviour would not have improved enough to have got enough points to go to the prom.
The only reason he will be going is because he was involved in this incident. now I believe what ever the out come of the incident. this send out a message to other pupils and a wrong one.
as it happened ds is not too keen on going to the prom. he is working hard to get the grades he needs and to get a good report for college. but like most young people he is not keen on seeing bad behaviour rewarded. but sadly this now seems the norm. and going by this thread acceptable.
I hope that makes things a bit clearer.
I am sorry my original posts were so confusing. not a good idea to post seriously when you are full of pmt. hence i have changed to my PMT name so I can not be to serious.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 21/04/2008 23:16

ROFL @

"By WallOfSilence on Mon 21-Apr-08 18:11:03
So you're saying there was an accident in which a boy was killed and it wasn't terrible? I think you need to have a word with yourself. "

In view of the swift outing of OP

2shoes - you are making little sense.

Greyriverside · 21/04/2008 23:10

Can't believe that most people didn't see the point of the OP. If the prom is being used as a reward for good behaviour (and perhaps it shouldn't be) then it should not be offered to someone who has behaved wrongly as it undermines the original message.

LynetteScavo · 21/04/2008 22:23

Is going to the prom really that big a deal?

Wow!

lollipopmother · 21/04/2008 22:13

If the kid was out in the car when he should've been at boarding school then I would've understood the school being involved, but otherwise the school has nothing to do with his outside life, they should only go on what they see at school. If he has earned enough points through good behaviour at school then he should go to the prom, simple. Not that he'll want to go I shouldn't think after seeing the guy he was sat next to die. In any case he wasn't even the driver, so why should he be punished?

BrassicMonkey · 21/04/2008 19:14

I haven't been about it 2shoes. I've disagreed, that's all.

mshadowsisfab · 21/04/2008 19:03

the prom only came into it as in year 11 it is a big thing. any other year it wouldn't have come up.
I get what you are saying though so.
tahnks for all your replies as it has helped me to see it from a different view.
BrassicMonkey have no idea why you have decided to be so

2shoes

littlelapin · 21/04/2008 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WallOfSilence · 21/04/2008 18:38

"but when does an accident become not an accident?"

Are you suggesting that the driver went out deliberately to kill himself & injure his friend?

A friend of my sister's got a new car & he took his friend for spin in one night... he ended up roling the car & he killed himself. He also left his friend in a wheelchair.... this was an accident, he didn't deliberately go out to kill himself...

So I'm afraid I still don't get what you mean.

And as far as the prom goes, I hope other people there are more welcoming than your son otherwise it will be an awful night for the boy.. who probably is aware of the feeling against him & won't go anyway.

Rubyrubyruby · 21/04/2008 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrassicMonkey · 21/04/2008 18:29

If they were 2 men in their 30s then I'd still feel sad that one of them died. I wouldn't be suggesting that the survivor got a promotion or a pay rise though, so I know what you mean.

I just feel sorry for the boy that survived this crash. He wasn't driving and he's still very young. I agree with what mamazon said about the school and police dealing with the separate issues of attendance and criminal responsibility. I'm not bothered about whether he's allowed to attend the prom or not really, just surprised that it means so much to you considering the circumstances.

2shoes · 21/04/2008 18:25

mmmmm see this is the bit i don't get. but there you go.
Think i cocked up with this thread. i knew waht i wanted to say but i came out wrong. so will leave it now and just use BetteNoire post to explain to ds. we might not agree but is does explain it well.
thanks all.

Mamazon · 21/04/2008 18:25

yes it is illegal to knowingly be the passenger of an illegal driver.

Aimsmum · 21/04/2008 18:24

Message withdrawn

littlelapin · 21/04/2008 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2shoes · 21/04/2008 18:20

sorry wee bit off topic.
but when does an accident become not an accident?
forgetting this thread and obviously when young people are involved it is hard to not feel for them and their families.

but if we were talking 2 men in there 30's for examle/

littlelapin · 21/04/2008 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2shoes · 21/04/2008 18:18

BetteNoire thank you for your post. you put it very well and I will now repeat that to ds. as it makes sense.

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BrassicMonkey · 21/04/2008 18:18

Surely he knows it's not ok because one of them is now dead.

Mamazon · 21/04/2008 18:17

I think that him breaking the law should be dealt with by the police not the school.

if he has been absent from school a lot and misbehaving whislt there then that alone shoulkd be cause for him to miss this school prom, the crash should have no part in the decision.

Boy A shuld of course be allowed to attend

BrassicMonkey · 21/04/2008 18:17

I think it's a tragic accident when it involves 2 children.

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