Would you tell a male friend you liked them/ask them out?

[catladiesforlife]

If this has happened for you and you got rejected, did your friendship survive?
If the reserve happened, i.e. the male friend liked you and you didn't, did your friendship remain?

I like a guy I've been friends with for about 3 months but I have zero intention of telling him.
It's sad but the last time this happened, I took it well, just distanced myself a little but made it clear it was no big deal/wasn't awkward /I still wanted to talk/just needed a bit of space.

However the friendship was never the same again, he didn't want me talking to him/texting him ever again even though I completely dropped the subject and just acted casually.
The friendship was ruined because I asked him out.

I understand it it sucks and this is why I have no intentions of asking my male friend out now.

Agreed. If they won't take no for an answer, become rude, aggressive etc. then that's different.

I told a male friend that I had feelings for him. I thought the feelings were mutual (as did our mutual friends). It was a bit of shock when he said he didn't feel the same. He was initially kind about it but once I put up boundaries he turned against me and tried (and very nearly succeeded) in turning our friends against me - I was very much painted as the bitter scorned woman even though I'd moved on and was dating other men. I just stood my ground about some of his behaviour towards me which was twisted by him because he couldn't get his way.

Thankfully, other friends began to notice some of his poor behaviour towards me and things were OK but it took 2 years from me telling him. It's now 15 years on, we're still part of the same friendship group but as we live in different parts of the country we rarely see each other but when we do it's fine but we'll never be as good friends again as we were before and I don't want to be.

I don't regret it and in your shoes for a 3 month friendship, I'd tell him otherwise you'll spend the rest of your friendship wondering what if and getting down when he dates someone

That's awful, I'm sorry to hear that.
It's hard because in their eyes, if you like them at some point, you'll like them forever, even if that's really not the case.
I even told my friend about the new guy I'd met/liked but that still wasn't enough.
It depends how people handle it I guess.. but for some of them, apparently to 'prove' you've moved on you've got to completely ignore them or it means you still want them 🙄

I have a theory on this based on my own and my friends' experiences of dating. There is a type of man, usually one who doesn't get much female attention, who when someone shows interest in him, it feeds his ego so much that he can't ever let it go. He builds your mild interest into undying love in his head, and for years to come, even after you have moved on and forgot about him, he thinks that you are just waiting for any opportunity to jump back in there and get the special prize that is him. These men are dicks and are no loss to you. A man who is secure in himself and who is generally an attractive sort of person, does not behave like this.

That's a very good theory.
The man who did this had been single for a very, very long time. I don't see why, I'm sure he could've dated someone but he didn't for whatever reason.

It's a tricky one. I think forming a friendship that turns romantic is a great foundation for a relationship. But the risk to pride, confidence and the friendship itself can really deter you doing anything. I actually had two incidents of this. The first time, the friendship was ruined. We tried but it was a constant elephant in the room. The second one I married.

I would be cautious. Enjoy the friendship and let in continue to grow but at the same time just be a little flirty. Just enough to give him a hint but not make it obvious and see where it goes.

That's true. I think the risk is, he might not pick up on the hints, think you're not interested, get with someone else and then you'll regret not having been more open.

Towards the end of last year I told one of my male friends I had feelings for him. I had liked him for ages tbh. Mutual friends of ours were always saying we'd make a good couple. I had a sense he'd always liked me, had I not had this then I wouldn't have told him.

He told me he liked me as well and we had two great dates. He then faded me out/practically ghosted me. I was very hurt. We don't speak at all now. I wish he had just said that he wasn't feeling it or had changed his mind tbh. But I don't regret telling him even though it's ruined the friendship. I couldn't spend any more time wondering what if.