If I was ever autistic…. I outgrew it

[Finlandia86]

So to start off, let me say that I am far from ignorant about Autism, I have studied it at length and I know it is a condition present from birth / very early childhood and is not something you can outgrow.

Having learned a lot about Autism, including its presentation in girls, I look back on my childhood and see that I had a whole load of traits, including:

• Difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality, especially as a young child
• Long running obsessions as a tween and teen (characters in books and TV shows mainly, to the point where it would interfere with my life and I would secretly pretend I was them…see above)
• Fixations on certain people in real life (usually teachers).
• Social difficulties - being thought of as aloof and stand-offish when actually I was shy and didn’t know how to ‘be’.
• Avoided showering (couldn’t be bothered and didn’t see the point).
• Sensory seeking (chewing stuff all the time, humming all the time, tendency to jiggle/rock in my seat)
• Difficulty with eye contact (shyness and low self esteem)
• Difficulty organising myself and terrible procrastination, until hyperfocus kicked in (after days of tears)
• Black and white thinking about right and wrong / good and bad, and giving myself an extremely hard time because of this.
• Lots of examples of supremely cringy behaviour, because I didn’t understand how I would look to other people.

If I was a teen today, pretty sure I’d get a diagnosis.

But… at nearly 40 years of age … I have grown out of all of it.

Okay, not quite all. I am still a terrible pen chewer and procrastinator (although my hyperfocus superpower seems to have left me). But the rigid fixations and the social awkwardness… gone. Gradually, it has to be said. It took until I was about 26 to truly grow into myself and find my social confidence, and it was around then that I stopped fixating on both real and fictional people, which I think had a lot to do with finally developing some self-esteem. You’ll be pleased to know that I now shower daily.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, as I imagine a lot of people will think I am trying to invalidate their diagnoses or those of their children… I’m not. But I guess I am wondering whether we can be a bit quick to diagnose ‘low support needs’ / Aspergers type autism, when actually it’s just a case of ‘quirky child’ / ‘immature teen’.

Or, I guess a different takeaway could be one of hope: that as a probably autistic person I have learned to navigate and overcome many of life’s difficulties by middle adulthood.

I suppose my question is whether anyone else can identify with my experience, and if anyone has any interesting thoughts about it.

Self diagnosis is considered valid within the autistic community and by many professionals. In the vast majority of cases, those who are self diagnosed have done a great amount of research into autism and would absolutely receive a formal diagnosis if they sought one out.

Re-reading your post, this is also a profound misunderstanding of Autism, and the way autistic people behave, and why.

OP, I agree with you. As a child I had the following symptoms:
tiptoe walking, speech impediment, inability to make eye contact, hyper-focus on things, inability to form relationships, no filter, no sense of danger or understanding of risks posed.Hated to be touched.

I'm 61 now and all of the symptoms have eased. Not gone away but I make friends easier, my speech is almost perfect except when stressed, I can make eye contact. I have learned not to over-share and since having ds 16 years ago I no longer mind being touched.
I still walk on my toes and I still 'think sideways'
I know autism cannot be outgrown but it is a developmental difference and I have continued to develop. Whether I am simply masking more effectively or perhaps with age, I no longer care enough to try to fit in, but my stress levels have dropped.
I still haven't found a life partner but life is much easier and I feel much less 'odd girl out'.

It has taken a long time.

I think we are at peak autism obsession.

most people I know have autistic traits - some have them to a large extent. All are functioning highly. Many of my friends would have got a ND diagnosis now. maybe I would have. I think people are largely weird and quirky with all sorts of oddities and obsessions. What is a neurotypical person?

I think it does a disservice to people with autism in the traditional sense

my DD is 14 and hugely struggling - can’t attend school, rigid coping mechanisms. Socially anxious (but very socially aware - excruciatingly so). I think she could probably get an autism diagnosis but she doesn’t want one as she doesn’t see herself in the vein as the girls diagnosed when younger. I have left it for now. Really because a diagnosis doesn’t change anything - it won’t get her any more help. (We are Scotland - there is no help).

@Finlandia86

i propose an alternative explanation, the sock analogy.

it is a classic autism question. Do you have a problem wearing socks? When asked if an adult that has adapted well, the answer is almost certainly no. I don’t have a problem wearing socks.

but let’s dig deeper. Do you just wear any socks, or do you make sure to buy the special soft socks with no seams? Do you only wear socks when absolutely necessary? Do you take your socks off the second you get home?

now, Finlandia, you may or may not have issues with socks. That is why it is an analogy. The point is that you reach a certain stage of adulthood where you manage to mostly set up your life the way you need it to be to function well.

if you are autistic, you will struggle when that carefully curated life is thrown out of order, but for the most part you may be just fine.

You won’t think you have a problem with socks, because you only wear the perfect ones on days when you absolutely can’t wear sandals.

I think we are on the same wavelength as the OP. It appears that she experienced something that could put her on the radar but because she managed it, or it was not profound to cause long term issues.

I wonder if the concern is that if these more "grey" cases are being diagnosed too early, and that runs the risk of the person being labelled rather than finding a way forward.

I agree, OP, I’ve have a similar background. I have a daughter who we are going through diagnosis for ASD for. I’m positive she is but not sure she’ll meet the criteria for diagnosis. However one of the things that delayed me pushing for this was she was like me when younger but I was sure I was neurotypical and have grown out of lots of these things. One example is I was highly fussy as a child to the extent I saw doctors and had to go home from school every day to eat the only three foods I would eat. Now I genuine love all good.
also mr social skills were poor, I only had one friend who I know as an adult and is also v likely to be autistic. Now I work with hundreds of people and have lots of friends. There are other examples although I have realised I do struggle with stuff sometimes and get overwhelmed. But I don’t think all of this is masking either. I think perhaps I had sone austistic traits that I’ve inherited and passed on but don’t think I’d meet the threshold for a diagnosis as an adult. I think the ten year old me might have.

my parents are also quite clearly undiagnosed neurodivergent who have probably got worse again with age.

@Finlandia86 I've not read the full thread as I find it difficult sometimes. My son is autistic and affected severely by it and his learning disabilities. However, his paediatrician told me children can outgrow autism. She had autistic children herself and wasn't just being flippant.

I don’t think you would have had a diagnosis.

All of my children have ASC and ADHD. It has impacted their lives massively. Serious MH difficulties and education, socially…. I was late diagnosed on my 50s. It has impacted my life massively. My masking ability has varied throughout my life as has my ability to cope with some things. Life stresses and circumstances make my ND and ability to cope worse and I think I’m finding it harder as I get older in many ways particularly to mask.

My children have had a lot of therapy and medication. I’m hoping their coping strategies and knowledge will improve but it will never go away. It’s always there for all of us and always will be.

I’m so glad you wrote this OP bc I am in a very similar boat. I can really identify with what you said about your and I am a very similar age. It was also beyond shyness with me and reading up on the traits it seems glaringly obvious I displayed numerous ones that would have probably had me diagnosed back then also. Like you, mid to late 20’s I became more confident and at ease with myself and the world around me and found it easier to navigate, though I still don’t quite ‘fit in’. I wouldn’t have said I’ve grown out of it completely as I still find some things more difficult than a neurotypical person would i.e. coping with change etc, but interacting with other ppl is a lot easier for me and I’m a lot more socially aware. It’s interesting to consider whether it is a maturity thing, as I considered myself more mature than peers in most ways, I just didn’t get the social aspect like they did, especially in the early teenaged years. It will be interesting to read up more about this.

Thank you for your post. You are not alone x

You clearly weren’t autistic. The op is highly offensive.

I do understand what you are saying but it's more that I have coping strategies for all of those things.

Ocd traits when younger have definitely receeded too.

My son has autism. I have friends who have been diagnosed with autism and they state similar stories of learning coping strategies as they have become adults before receiving a diagnosis. I didn’t mean to imply it’s something you can turn off like a switch. I’m in the process of being assessed for ASD and ADHD and you’re right, it might not have been autism, I’m not an expert, I will have to wait for a professional opinion. I can see why some ppl, especially parents of autistic children might be triggered by this post, believe me I know how FUCKING hard and at times soul-destroying it can be, but the OP is writing about her own experiences, which she’s entitled to do. Her post isn’t dismissive about ppl with autism, she admits she isn’t sure about it. I read it as someone looking back and trying to evaluate their early life and make sense of things, and asking if anyone else had similar experiences. I don’t think there’s any need for aggression when she’s not being dismissive or claiming to be an expert on this diagnosis.

I totally disagree, her post has highly offensive parts to it and it is there to goad.

“But I guess I am wondering whether we can be a bit quick to diagnose ‘low support needs’ / Aspergers type autism, when actually it’s just a case of ‘quirky child’ / ‘immature teen’.“

No my seriously ill teens were not just quirky immature teens. Quirky immature teens don’t and would never get an autism diagnosis.

Just so we’re all aware. To get a diagnosis assessment criteria have to significantly impact life.

And there is no rush with diagnosing autism- waiting lists in some areas are as long as 4 years.

I’m just concerned that OP is saying “These days, asd diagnosis is handed out when actually, some grow out of very “normal” childhood/teen traits which, had they been left, they’d have moved on from”.

ASD assessment is hard won. My son’s was three years. I was an adult. People were surprised at mine because I covered it incredibly well. It was always there.

I was speaking to someone who is not autistic. As an autistic person you are absolutely within your rights to hold that view. I find it sad that you do, but I would never invalidate you for it.

No it isn’t. I’m autistic and I HATE the self diagnosers. They’re always the most stupidly vocal about being ‘neuro spicy’ and all that super power shite. It’s excruciatingly embarrassing to be associated with these idiots. They’re always either ‘waiting for an assessment’ or ‘don’t feel the need to get a proper assessment’ because apparently self identification is ok. It’s a disgrace and is not a valid choice. And all the ‘self-diagnosis is valid crap’ does is encourage people like the op to make these regular offensive, ignorant posts.

If this was someone saying oh I was a bit dim at school, most likely had a learning disability, but it’s ok, I grew out of it….everyone would rightly be horrified at the offensiveness of it and MN would remove it immediately. But apparently directing this stuff at those with autism is fair game. It’s disgusting.

Yes. Me too. If I could I’d get rid of it in an absolute heartbeat. It is an absolute blight on my life and it will be the reason I check out early.

This is a really good example, and what I was coming to comment to say.

i had (what I now know!) to be a typically autistic childhood, and still exhibit some autistic traits. But by and large, as an adult I’m able to set my life up in a way that most suits me - no difficult foods, choice of clothes and textures, choice of routines etc. The rest I am able to ‘mask’ for the most part.

my 11 year old DD is not so lucky. She is given one option of school food, has to wear the right uniform despite sensory difficulties, has no choices over the structure and routine at school. As a result she is arguably showing more signs and symptoms of autism than me.

We are both still autistic, I haven’t grown out of it. I keep telling her that, as an adult, things get better for her.

You were clearly never autistic and were never diagnosed as such. I used to do all the things you did too and am not autistic.

It’s pretty insulting to those with ASD and their parents to write a thread like this by the way.

Perhaps when writing these goagy posts that are clearly meant to bash people with diagnosis remember how many of our kids are under psychological care because they self harm or feel
suicidal!

The World they might live in makes no sense their release might be to bash their head on a desk or wall until it bleeds.

The confusion about the World can be profound. They need order and predictability and for instance a square is hugely upsetting because as my son put it ‘people walk from all directions.’

They often have receptive language issues and have to rescramble words into the correct syntax because in essence most people are speaking Shakespeare to them.

They have no idea how much information to give people so that when someone is kind they doubt their intentions are kind.

The slightest touch is hell for them - and no they don’t outgrow that. As a consequence crowds are challenging to deal with. They can be continuously immersed to get more used to but they remain in discomfort. Every moment in a bus or train is being tolerated and even then my son will refuse and prefer to walk 3 or 4 miles if that’s an option.

Holidays to exotic places are torture because there is a change of routine and everything is odd. I hoped that going to a beach holiday would be ok but o learnt that the first half of the holiday is Hell whilst new routine is understood and absorbed. As for city breaks, forget it unless I want to spend in some obscure museum that no other tourist wants to visit.

It’s not being a little shy or difficult with food. it’s not merely toe walking when little or swirling around. There is a physical element to repeated behaviours. Many people with ASD have had ir have hypotonia or hypo mobility which means that they did not receive the correct signals to the brain. Their muscles are held at the wrong tone and for instance they have an unsecured sense of where they are in relation to space or where their body parts are eg could not touch hand to nose at aged 10 or tripped over small manhole covers. Repeated bouncing or twirling gives comfort in a really unsettling World.

It’s a disability that has a profound impact in many settings and is pervasive.

Really what is the point of this post? The people who has ASD that counts eg should qualify for high needs or middle to high PIP and funded EHCP ( with high needs funding) are not going to outgrow anything. To get many concessions you need to be middle or high PIP and that requires a huge amount of support.

That's because we mask so well. Many people would have no idea I'm autistic. But inside I'm really struggling.