AIBU to think some people just aren't cut out for relationships?

[jumpingbean1810]

I've been seeing someone since last October. It's been a slow burn and I felt really positive about it. About six months in he told me he loved me and I thought I felt the same, however doubts started creeping in. His sarcasm which initially was funny I now find grating, his confidence which previously was attractive is now cringe inducing, the loud laugh etc. He's kind, non judgemental, respects my independence and is good for me in lots of ways but I've got the sinking feeling of inevitably that I get with all relationships, that he's not the one and I'll be single again soon.

I don't know if I just pick the wrong ones. I'm attracted to confident men but dislike the bravado, and when I've been out with quieter types I've also got frustrated. I'm in my 50s and spent more time single than in a relationship. I haven't had a relationship last longer than a year for 15 years.

I like the idea of a relationship as I do get lonely, but can't seem to find the right person or know how to maintain one. I think I probably have completely unrealistic expectations. I'm embarrassed to tell people, once again, it's a relationship fail.

Are some people better off single and is it just better to reconcile myself to that and if so, how? If not, any suggestions on how to do things differently to achieve a different outcome? Please be kind, thanks.

Agree with so much of what you say @HamptonWishList I especially relate to your last paragraph…

I feel exactly like you OP, I’ve been in relationships with wonderful men, but after a few months they just grate on me for one reason or another.
I think I like my own company too much. I worry about it more as I get older, but know I can’t compromise just because I’m worried about being lonely later in life.

@Kerplonker

I worry about it more as I get older, but know I can’t compromise just because I’m worried about being lonely later in life.

The thing is that no matter what you do there is no guarantee about being lonely in later life.

You could have a husband for 50 years who pre-deceases you leaving you more crushingly lonely that you could ever imagine because of the length of time you've been with them and now you are alone with no wish or hope to find someone new facing a pain you can't tolerate. If you've been single forever, you will never be lonely in that kind of way with that desperate bleak pain.

You could have several children who all move abroad and aren't around to support or care for you.

You could have just one child who dies.

You could have just one child who hates you for no reason you can discern.

Your best friend may die of cancer in their 40s.

On and on and on.

Plus if you live a looong time, you end up lonely in a different way because you outlive all your contemporaries and your family and have no one who 'gets' you and your life experiences.

Having a happy life partnership is a very rare and lucky break really but as you say, it's just not worth gambling unless you are fairly confident that this person is 'right' for you - which really means likes you and has matching character and social and moral values as you -on the basis you won't be lonely.