To ask about about coco butter and moisturising kids in general?

[Pistachioicecream123]

I'll pre caveat this post by saying I'm an experienced mum with older children but currently navigating having a surprise latecomer, and I adore him but he's super challenging as he has Adhd and probably autism too. He's very sensory and we have quite a task settling him at night and also lots of food issues, sound sensitivities and he's a massive stimmer. Anyway, he's recently developed an obsession with using coco butter, he loves it on his skin when he gets out of the pool or bath and generally getting ready in the mornings. I'm fine with this, I love the stuff anyway, used it a lot when I was pregnant to stave off itchy skin and stretchmarks and it smells like chocolate, what's not to like? It's bloody lovely. What worries me, possibly irrationally and neurotically, is that he's developed this appreciation after becoming super tight with a cute little boy who happens to be black. Now I'm delighted he's got a little mate, and his mums one of the funniest and brightest women I've had the pleasure of meeting in years, I think she's brilliant and weve got on straight away because we were both at the same level of madness with our postgraduate journeys while dealing with kids, what I think is happening is that my son is absorbing some of their culture and copying what they do when they get out the pool or bath and that's grand, plus I definitely dont mind using it and giving him a bit of a massage as I think it calms him and helps him sleep. I might be being paranoid, but what I don't want to happen is that this mum or anyone else thinking that I'm trying to copy or appropriate what they do, or trying to fit in. I'm of a fairly rare combination of mixed race myself and it was really shit growing up when people kept trying to own things or appropriate stuff, I almost felt scared to do anything for fear of offending someone. I think my little boy is savvy and knows that using this coco butter moisturiser is nice and his mates do it. He's probably right. I also know it has some cultural significance, and I'm massivly inept In this respect, I'd appreciate opinions. If I'm being batshit and over thinking stuff, please tell me. I'm honestly thick as mince, probably where the autism comes from, we as a family tend to have more degrees than we have friends.

Thanks everyone, I think I'm being a bit of a knob, I shall stop being such a mad Mary about it all . I'm off to bed now and will probably go to the picnic tomorrow with my son and his little friend without over analysing stuff now. I really appreciate your opinions, I just wanna be her friend, it's been about a year since anyones been in my house, big deal x

I'm not sure why you think black skin needs moisturising more than any other skin. Dry skin needs moisturising. There may be more of a cultural norm for (some demographics of) black people to moisturise for various reasons but that doesn't mean using cocoa butter is a black thing! I appreciate you want to make friends and avoid upsetting people but I also agree you need to work on recognising stereotypes. Your comment about identifying as black but liking unseasoned chicken was weird.

‘’’But suddenly my child, who happens not to be black is adopting a self care routine that's generally a black thing, and I just wanna make sure that's all good, I mean, I dont care if he's wanting to be black, he can identify that way of he wants, he`ll struggle given the fact he's ginger and he eats chicken without any seasoning on it ‘’’

You cant be serious can you?????????

Palmer's Cocoa Butter products, for one, sell billions of units worldwide, are available in every supermarket I've ever been too, and are used by all ages, races, and denominations. This is the weirdest stretch I've read today.

Black children's skin is more prone to dryness, and it's normal to add moisture to them. I know this from my experiences in a group care environment, they also had a different regime with their hair too, I was a little bit jealous that they had this level of care when I was I was left without proper care myself and had to have about 8 inches of my curly hair cut off because it was matted. But I was not considered important because I was just a difficult child with with white skin and a terrible attitude. I grew up with black children, they were my siblings I miss them, doesn't mean I know how to raise a white child who's best friend is black, all I asked was If there was an issue with my sons new obsession with coco butter. It is a bit cultural, I didn't wanna fuck it up for him that's all.

Black children's skin is more prone to dryness
I thought black people tend to moisturise more regularly because dry skin is more visible on dark tones. Ive Just googled though and there is some suggestion dark skin may be dryer than light skin so I may be wrong. Either way though it's still a silly thing to overthink to this extent.

The visible dry skin thing comes up on Twitter periodically in the form of the washcloth debate and a new wave of people discover dry skin shows up more clearly on darker skin tones.

You are over thinking things but I get that you are seeking to learn, surely that's more important than some flimsy wording on stereotypes? People should give you a break, surely it's a good thing that we ask questions before offending someone?

It's cocoa butter, you're fine 🤣🤣

I think you're being given a hard time on here and I'm sorry for that.
You sound like a lovely person, sensitive to others, and I think you and your son sound like good friends to have.
Stop worrying so much and enjoy connection is my advice.