To want to give up on working in a caring profession?

[GameChangingNameChange]

I've worked for the NHS for 24 years, and I'm so done!

At the moment I'm a single mum to 2 kids, 2 kittens, I've got 2 jobs (both in the NHS) and I feel like I am just giving and caring and looking after other people and being responsible for everything and everyone all of the time.

I have loved my job in the past but I just don't think I can do it any more.

Which then leaves me with - if I don't do that, what do I do?!

Are all jobs about giving to others in some capacity? I was thinking about working in a cafe, but even then I'm still looking after someone else by providing a service/coffee for them!

I suppose I feel like I'm being really selfish to not want to care about other people constantly and put myself first for once - which I'm hoping isn't actually selfish but more like self preservation care.

It's not selfish. Millions of people aren't in caring professions, why not join them?! You probably have carers burnout.
I want to work in a cafe too but I keep thinking it would then be really hard to get back into my profession (education) after a break.

I'm in the same boat - I'm just tired of feeling so drained of everything

Yes I do wonder if I just need a break and would then feel ok to go back.

I don't think I'm very skilled in anything other than my current job!

Yes that's exactly it. Sorry to hear you are in a similar position. Are you looking to change careers?

Most jobs involve 'giving' to another in some way shape or form even if that 'other' is the general public say in a retail job or a client or even just your own manager.

But maybe these other types of giving would feel different to a care role?

If you're a single mum, I think working in a cafe would be quite a drop in pay from NHS jobs. Can you think about re-training but still in a health role? Maybe in lab tech or administration where you see patients only briefly?

I am a health care professional too.. people can be awful, demanding and entitled. They can also be thankful, appreciative and kind to you.. it’s easy to fill your mind with the first lot rather than the second.
You sound burnt out.. is there anyway to see your GP and discuss ( your GP will understand… believe -you-me as I am one !) . You may be entitled to some sick leave.
Also working 2 jobs is very very hard.. you end up giving full time of yourself twice for half the pay! Is there anyway you could consolidate to just one job?
I think people go into caring professions to help… but in the end ypu realise that you cannot save the world.. you can barely save yourself! 💐

@GameChangingNameChange
I completely understand. I've worked in NHS since 1986 and I'm done too.
I dream of working in a cafe or shop anything like that where I'm not worried about organising not enough staff to get the work done.

I used to absolutely love my job. I can't say that now and that upsets me a lot.

@GameChangingNameChange I would if I could earn my current salary elsewhere - I'm not sure I have the skills to do much else (on paper)

I left the NHS for exactly this reason - although it was not the caring and giving that got me, it was the unrealistic, unrelenting 'give more, go the extra mile, save our NHS' attitude in a financially strapped service and no prospects of change, working with some very complex parients with emotions often flying high. I still work with people but found places where this can be 'just' a job and not expected to be a vocation.

I feel for you, OP. I've spent the last seven years as my mother's carer, and now she's in residential care I am looking for work. I'm nervous I'll be pushed to doing more care work, to which I am completely unsuited, because it's so long since I did anything else, and I have no qualifications.

I don't know what to suggest OP. I'm just so sorry you feel this way.
For what it's worth I really appreciate what you've done for the NHS. I've had my life saved 3 times. Once recently by amazing staff. I can't imagine the mental toll it takes doing the job you do.

I'd avoid retail or customer facing roles altogether.
I've seen the entitlement first hand and it's shocking. People are frustrated at the wrong people. Front line staff shouldn't be targeted for years of underfunding.

Yes I do definitely also get some positives from the job - when it's been a good day and I feel I've made a difference to someone it's ace, but the admin and bureaucracy and systems in the NHS are so crappy it really does get me down.

I have 2 months off sick at the start of the year and have handed in my notice for one of the jobs, which leaves me with the option of picking up more hours (if possible) in the other job, or looking to do something different with the hours deficit.

My NHS roles are quite niche and not really directly transferrable to another, non clinical role, so I would be looking at a pay cut if I moved away from the NHS, which isn't ideal as it's just me paying the bills, but a short term tricky financial period would be worth it if longer term I've got a better balance or in a job where the expectation of constantly giving isn't there so prominently.

Well you've done a much longer stint than I have - amazing! I don't envy your job of trying to wrangle non existent staff into a rota, that must be increasingly difficult in the current circumstances. It's a sad realisation when the love for the job has disappeared. It's the same for me.

What did you move on to do?

@Catsmere best of luck with the job search, I hope you are able to find something that you feel is a good fit for you. It's hard when you have been out of the job market for a while. I hope your mum is ok.

@D3LAN3Y thank you for your kind words and thanks, it really does make a difference to feel appreciated - it keeps me going in the job a bit longer when I have a good day or someone says thanks because I feel like I'm making a difference. Then you have a crap day or feel as though what we are offering isn't good enough or making even a dent in the demand out there, and it's so demoralising. I know I would be making that worse by leaving, but I can't keep pouring from an empty cup.

Absolutely agree with this!

Same here 15 years working in care and just at breaking point now. I am totally burnt out and just done with it.
Can barely make ends meet. Been screwed over by the council and now struggling to get clients. (They took away the funding for the websites which helped match client and carers)

I am on the diagnosis pathway for both ASD and ADHD. I am also recovering from cancer treatment. I'm unemployable and haven't a clue what else to do. Care is all I know.

Can you look at roles in the NHS that don't involve direct care but on same banding? Admin.roles? I would look at what types of roles there are as NHS pension is quite a decent one and that's an incentive in itself. Additionally things like paid sickness and staff counselling services are pretty rare in other places.
Can you speak to a manager about wanting a change, an opportunity to develop elsewhere?

I'm a band 6, not many non clinical roles at that level

@Blushingm are you me?! I’m band 6 too - nowhere obvious to go in my specialty either.

I'm not........but are you me???😬

Working in healthcare sucks these days for so many reasons. I increasingly would like a premium just for having to leave the house and deal with actual people for a fixed schedule. My partner does the whole working from home, Flexi hours, can pop to the shop in breaks from meetings. And our childminder earns more than a specialist registrar but people don't get why doctors want more pay (I don't want her to earn less, I want healthcare to be properly funded and less shit to work in). Do what makes you happier.

@GameChangingNameChange thank you! I had good news yesterday - I'm eligible for help from an agency that's only allowed to help people with medical conditions/disabilities. I'm registering with them next week, so fingers crossed. Mum's doing well, she's better looked after now than she was by me - more people to help and they know what they're doing, always an advantage!

I hope you find something better, too. Burnout makes it even harder to think what else you might want to do, especially if you wouldn't otherwise have been thinking about a career change.

I moved to private sector, slightly different role but same proffession overall. I work more (I have other caring commitments and now I can.... I have much more flexibility now) but I am less stressed than I used to be.