To not understand giving primary age kids TikTok?

[toastandtwo]

DD(10, Y5) is upset that she’s not allowed TikTok because a number of her friends have access to it (plus whatever other SM they want). She won’t be getting it but I just really don’t understand the thinking behind giving TikTok, Snapchat etc to primary aged kids. So if your pre teens are allowed these apps, what’s the reasoning?
Im genuinely curious because I only ever hear negative things so it just seems strange that parents would allow it.

[Bushmillsbabe]

I agree, I don't understand it. My daughter is year 3 and some if her friends have a variety of social media, I have been very firm in saying absolutely not, especially after being on jury duty in a case where social media was involved in grooming an underage child

[Curlewwoohoo]

My yr4 Dd was telling me there is a kids tiktok her friends have, but I don't think there is?! Luckily mine are currently telling me they never want phones! I'm sure that will change.

[Starfish1021]

It’s mind blowing isn’t it? Pretty much all my son’s class have Snapchat. I find it utterly bewildering why you wouldn’t do a simple search before you install. Snapchat is one of the worst because unknown users can send things and it then disappears! It’s a complete safeguarding nightmare. I live in a really affluent area and the primary school takes a very relaxed approach. We used to live in a much more social and economically diverse area and the school was so much more proactive.

[UnbeatenMum]

I think there's a trend for making dance videos or something like that? Neither of my DC have it at 13 and 14 but they also had friends who did in year 5-6.

[MrsJellybee]

I have seen Reception-age children wearing TikTok t-shirts. I find it disturbing.

[LolaSmiles]

What’s there to understand? Parents don’t want to parent and deal with the tantrum they’d get for saying no.
This hits the nail on the head.

Any thread about smartphones for young children and social media on here ends up with dozens of posters saying "but they need to learn how to use it", "but my child would only be 100% responsible and I know everything they access", and the number one argument "but if they don't have this app or that app then they're going to be left out because everyone else has it". Most of the time it boils down to them it being easier for them to give their primary school children access to social media than to say no.

[ItMustBeBedtimeSurely]

Lots of parents are naive about social media. They don’t realise how unsafe it can be and they don’t believe it’s hugely addictive (despite often being addicted themselves )

[Awaydays]

As a teacher I think that many parents who allow these things are genuinely ignorant to the dangers that they present. I have had to deal with so many issues that have happened via such apps, not just bullying but online grooming and abuse. Every single time the parents have been beside themselves saying that they couldn't understand how it happened as they were always around. These were seemingly present and conscientious parents but very often it seems that they think they are protecting their children by being really careful about what they do in the real world, not realising that the online world is even more dangerous.

[Newusernametime12]

We were discussing this at work recently and I was shocked when the Gen Z contingent all, without exception, said their children would not be having smartphones. This is the generation that was the first to really be brought up with phones and social media. I wonder if anyone else has experienced this when talking to Gen Z? The current primary children are Gen Alpha so children of millennials but maybe the next generation will see a shift?

[Mrsjayy]

I'm horrified to read young primary kids have Snapchat! Some parents are just stupid and should be ashamed of themselves tiktok Isn't all "silly dances" it can be really dark and children need regulated on it but of course parents will say they do but the effect on children's mental health and SM use must be connected imo?

[Username917778]

I think it's wild. My daughter is almost 13 and has been the only one without Snapchat and tiktok for a number of years. She gets so upset about it.

I can't control what she is seeing outside of our home, so I know she goes on it at sleepovers on her friends phones and at her school. But I am accepting of it.

I see a difference in the age of parents though. I was a very young mum and I am 32 now. I had unrestricted Internet access as a teen which is why I am so strict on it. One of DD's friends mum is the same age and she is the only one that also isn't allowed these apps.

[toastandtwo]

I absolutely take the point on tantrums avoidance and ignorance but in this particular group I'm not sure it holds. These are generally very well parented kids I'm talking about. Not kids who are allowed anything and everything. Limits are obviously being enforced in other areas. And a lot of the parents are teachers, which I find particularly mind boggling. I'm a TA working with younger kids and even then I'm seeing the negative impacts of too much tech access.

@UnbeatenMum Yes there definitely is a dance trend thing, this is what DD wants it for actually. All her friends know all the dances and she can't join in. I've told her I'm sure we can find the dances on YouTube on the TV and she can learn them that way but this apparently wasn't a palatable alternative :)

[Mrsjayy]

Actually I'm not that horrified I remembered my friends young grandson uses Snapchat and the family don't think there is anything wrong with it.

[shepherdsangeldelight]

Parents like to show off how "advanced" their DC are. The ages for introducing things just get lower and lower. And then, as in your case, you feel obliged to follow suit - not necessarily as young as others, but younger than you might otherwise have chosen. And then of course the age moves even younger to keep the "advanced" children ahead.

(See also letting 5 year olds see certificate 12 films).

The fact that OP's 10 year old even has a phone is a case in point - this used to be something that wasn't even considered until your DC started secondary school.

[AlpineMuesli]

It shuts kids up. A lot of parents will do anything to just shut a kid up, even if that means they’re talking to strangers instead.

[Awrite]

Well, no-one here is going to admit to allowing it.

After asking for it for a while, my kids realised I was never going to say yes. Now they can see the harm for themselves, they are glad they are not hooked.

[remembe]

@Starfish1021

It’s mind blowing isn’t it? Pretty much all my son’s class have Snapchat. I find it utterly bewildering why you wouldn’t do a simple search before you install. Snapchat is one of the worst because unknown users can send things and it then disappears! It’s a complete safeguarding nightmare. I live in a really affluent area and the primary school takes a very relaxed approach. We used to live in a much more social and economically diverse area and the school was so much more proactive.

What can a school do about it? I suppose a letter now and then discouraging it and reminding of age limits, but ultimately it's parental choice.

[Zanatdy]

You’re totally right. I was quite shocked my god-daughter had it in year 4-5 ish, I absolutely wouldn’t have let my kids be on it in primary school. I’ve recently started using it a bit and I was flicking through the live’s (where the shops are etc) and I came across some stuff I definitely wouldn’t want a child seeing. Parents cannot check everything they come across on there. Some parents don’t care and then it causes problems for other kids who don’t understand why they can’t use it. Stick to your guns

[Mrsjayy]

Tbf my dc are proper adults so I'm probably out of touch, primary school is really young to be flicking through phones and snapchattiing and making tik tok videos.

[toastandtwo]

The fact that OP's 10 year old even has a phone is a case in point - this used to be something that wasn't even considered until your DC started secondary school.

That's absolutely fair enough! She has a reasonably long walk to and from school and has a couple of afternoons where she's home alone briefly while waiting for me and her brother to get in, so I wanted to be able to contact her.

[Pipecleanerrevival]

I have seen videos on ways to self harm, references to suicide, bullying, tips for anorexics to lose weight, men wanking, just by scrolling the “for you” on Tiktok. I never searched for any of these things. If I can see it, so can your 11 year old. YANBU

[Mrsjayy]

@Pipecleanerrevival that's horrific !

[LolaSmiles]

Newusernametime12
I don't even think it's just gen-Z. I know a lot of parents with younger children who are discussing delaying smart phone or individual tablet access. The parents range from early 20s to early 40s.

I've found once people start talking about it and they know their children will have friends who aren't sitting on Snapchat and group chats, parents are much more confident to stick to their guns.

Pipecleanerrevival Your experience matches mine and what I've heard from work. A lot of parents won't let their children walk to the corner shop with a friend because of stranger danger, but they've got access to the world in their pocket.

[Mrsjayy]

I remember a talk we had in school it was the start of SM and messanger services, the teacher who was running the talk said you wouldn't let your child walk in the middle of the road unsupervised so why would you let them loose on the Internet. I always stuck with that, yes the kids moaned and sometimes had secret accounts bur their safety was always my main concern.