Who is being unreasonable? Baby shower at work

[CCEE8]

Girl at work is having a baby with her wife who is pregnant.

Colleague A is arranging a baby shower to celebrate.

Colleague B thinks a baby shower doesn’t make sense because the girl isn’t pregnant. We don’t organise baby showers for dads.

The pregnant wife doesn’t work for our company and wouldn’t be at the baby shower (it would take place in our office).

Who’s being unreasonable?
YANBU - Colleague A
YABU - Colleague B

Maybe you should celebrate for the dads too if they want to, but if she wants to and most people are up for it what is the problem?!

Yanbu, this has nothing to do with any of you. If it was a dad no one would be throwing him a baby shower so why is she special?

Everyone is being unreasonable. Also baby showers are unnecessary and crass.

Really weird! If you don't do something for dads normally then I wouldn't be contributing/ attending and i normally go to all work events!

Colleague A is being unreasonable.

Person at work's partner is pregnant - not the work colleague. You don't throw a baby shower and not invite the pregnant one.

My DHs workplace gave gifts for our baby; presented it to him at lunch when they were all there. That’s not overly dissimilar is it….
I think any celebration is nice though; there’s so much crap and misery in the world that it’s nice to celebrate the good things

My husband had a baby shower, because people were happy for him that he was going to be a Dad.

Me? Yuck gross no thanks.

If the pregnant woman doesnt work there then a quick whip round it is. Couple quid each, use the money to buy an outfit for baby and the rest is given as cash gift. I agree baby shower isnt suitable if it isnt done for every father to be/ none pregnant mother to be.

A baby shower at work is unreasonable all round.

If one is being arranged it should be outwith work so people can choose to be there/see it/attend if they want.

Does the woman at your work want and appreciate the gesture? If so I think it’s quite nice. Nothing to stop anyone doing it for dads if the dad would enjoy it.

But she isn't a dad is she? Is it during working hours, is it compulsory? If it's not then just ignore it. Presuming it's cakes and a speech or something. You don't need to participate but as long as it doesn't affect your work then why not/
What harm would it do?

Yeah a whip round sounds the most reasonable option to me. You're quite right that dads wouldn't get a shower thrown for them, it's not appropriate in this instance either just because the other parent happens to be a woman.

If you don’t do it for other people who have pregnant partners then you shouldn’t do it for this lady either.

She isn’t pregnant. It’s the pregnant woman who get a shower. Bloody stupid things anyway. I wouldn’t attend but I’d chuck some money into a collection or gift.

If the pregnant person works there - celebrate, if not don’t! I’m sure the pregnant woman will have some celebration at her workplace. Imagine if we had to start celebrating birthdays of partners that don’t work at the same place & having a Colin the caterpillar cake every time someone’s parter had a birthday!

I think the main thing here is what kind of dynamic you have at your work. Is it lots of people or a small, fairly close team?

I think a celebration either way is still lovely for the new parent at your work. There’s a lot of stuff that may influence how your colleague feels. I’d just ask her what she feels comfortable with.

Tough one really

There aren't actual rules around stuff like baby showers. They're just made up social occasions so you can do whatever the hell you want with them! Sounds like a nice gesture that will make the mum to be happy. Don't overthink it. Also, it can be tough not carrying the baby in a same sex couple so maybe the person organising is being particularly thoughtful and making an extra fuss of her.

You shouldn't be throwing baby showers in the workplace, regardless of whose baby it is.

Ridiculous to do this in the workplace and why on earth would you throw a baby shower for the partner? Bizarre.

Colleague A is reasonable.

For 10 years plus its been normal to celebrate for a non birthing parent, male or female - and also for adopting parents.

Plus either parent can take parental leave etc.

Quite

Baby showers at work, what fresh hell is this?

It seems OTT to hold a baby shower, which are naff anyway, for a colleague who isn’t even pregnant. I would be very busy with a meeting that day if I worked there.

I’m in team colleague A. She’s not a dad, she’s a mum. She’s not the carrying mum but she is a mum and it’s a nice thing to do and you can all have some cake and make a bit of a fuss of her before she embarks on a huge, life changing journey. Colleague A presumably likes her so I’m going to assume she’s nice too. I don’t have direct experience but I imagine it’s hard arriving at motherhood without pregnancy, whether it’s through adoption or your wife going through ivf or some other route and it’s nice if the people who like you can make a sign that they see you as a mum.