80s kid grew up with something wrong with me but it wasn't picked up or it was just seen as not very bright.
Was on a reduced timetable at school because I couldn't learn anything and left school with no GCSE's.
Tried many times to do my GCSE's since and failed every time.
Tried various courses and failed them all.
I have never been able to keep a job and although I was offered jobs, I was never able to learn the job so was always let go within a week or two.
I can't drive because I get lost all the time unless I'm in my local area and somewhere I've been millions of times, I can't find my way, get confused with directions and couldn't work out how to get a bus for example on my own so unless I'm with my mum or husband who drive I just don't go out.
I've never had a friend, I'm introvert, socially awkward and full of anxiety, I just struggle with everything, can't follow instructions or even a conversation.
I am married, my husband supports me financially and so do my parents, we'd be better off if I worked but dh says the pressure of the job centre was making me ill so he supports us.
I have been unemployed since I left school so dh supported me since we got married, I'm 41 now.
I feel scared because one day my parents won't be here anymore they're nearly 80 and all I'll have is my husband and if he wasn't there I'd struggle, I couldn't work out bills and things, we do have social housing but it's a joint tenancy so if we split up I'd probably be homeless, unless he moved out which I don't think he would.
He's a nice man so I don't think we'd split but I do worry about being so dependent on him.
I know I need to get a job and a pension but I never keep jobs, I worked in a restaurant and couldn't learn the till so after a few weeks of showing me they let me go, I worked in an office but I couldn't learn the computer system so was let go, I worked in a factory but couldn't pick it up so they let me go, my parents say I'm just not employable.
Is there any hope, would anyone give me a chance and the patience I need?
I think I have a maths problem because that's just a different language to me, no matter how hard I try I can't make head or tail of anything mathematical, I also struggle with comprehending and remembering things, sometimes when I'm shown things I just can't absorb it, it's instantly gone and if someone tells me their name I say it over and over in my head for a few minutes but as soon as someone speaks, it's gone and as I don't recognise faces either I have no ideas who I was just talking to.
I have dc, I love being a mum, my everyday struggles don't seem to affect my parenting, I'm not great with housework but I get by and dh helps out. I'm lucky to have him, I know but I don't know where to go from here.
AIBU?
To think I'm unemployable now?
sueey · 05/02/2024 10:10
Acatdance · 05/02/2024 10:20
I have dc, I love being a mum, my everyday struggles don't seem to affect my parenting
Could you look at work involving childcare? Being a childminder; working in a nursery maybe?
Crunchymum · 05/02/2024 10:27
Do you suspect you are neurodivergent @sueey ?
Mrsttcno1 · 05/02/2024 10:31
I agree with a previous poster about going to GP. It may be that there is an underlying reason for some of these things and so if you can get a formal diagnosis then you can push for more support/reasonable adjustments in the work place.
Part of my current job is helping people who are vulnerable or feel unable to work find jobs that work for them but it’s hard to do that without having a full picture of what barriers we may be facing.
It may be that part of it is you trying to do one little thing every day to get out of your comfort zone. It sounds as though you’ve been able to just accept the status quo because you always have had your parents and partner to pick up the pieces, meaning you haven’t really had to deal with any of these things because there’s never been any real consequences. Little and often would be a good starting point, push yourself to do something out of your comfort zone every single day, even something little like a trip to the shops on the bus, or walking 2 stops away and getting the bus back. The more you work on something the more manageable it feels and so the smaller the gap becomes between daily life currently & working life. X
sueey · 05/02/2024 10:46
I agree with the small steps and I probably have had such support that I've become terrified of the unknown, possibly made worse by negative experiences to reinforce what I feared, bullying, unkindness etc make social anxiety worse.
With things like the busses it's not so much having the confidence to get on it's than when I get off I don't recognise where I am or what side of the road I'm on so it feels like I've been spun around and have no idea of my way.
I think my parents and husband have been great but perhaps see me as vulnerable as I've been taken advantage of in many ways when I've got into difficulties out on my own in the past.
Mrsttcno1 · 05/02/2024 10:31
I agree with a previous poster about going to GP. It may be that there is an underlying reason for some of these things and so if you can get a formal diagnosis then you can push for more support/reasonable adjustments in the work place.
Part of my current job is helping people who are vulnerable or feel unable to work find jobs that work for them but it’s hard to do that without having a full picture of what barriers we may be facing.
It may be that part of it is you trying to do one little thing every day to get out of your comfort zone. It sounds as though you’ve been able to just accept the status quo because you always have had your parents and partner to pick up the pieces, meaning you haven’t really had to deal with any of these things because there’s never been any real consequences. Little and often would be a good starting point, push yourself to do something out of your comfort zone every single day, even something little like a trip to the shops on the bus, or walking 2 stops away and getting the bus back. The more you work on something the more manageable it feels and so the smaller the gap becomes between daily life currently & working life. X
Luckydog7 · 05/02/2024 11:09
Do you have the resources for a private diagnosis? Getting to the bottom of the cause could be life-changing. Some on here have revealed the amazing improvement after finding the right drug for adhd for example.
PurplePim · 05/02/2024 11:21
Would working for yourself offering some basic gardening services or cleaning / ironing / odd jobs work for you? You could only accept jobs you feel comfortable with and perhaps someone could help you set up insurance and as self employed. As pp said, you write well and are clearly not unintelligent, so definitely get assessed for dyslexia, dyspraxia etc if you can. You sound caring, so could care work be an option for you?
sueey · 05/02/2024 11:12
I agree and I want to go to work, it's more that the work doesn't want me there.
I just wish people (bosses) wouldn't be so unkind about my intelligence, I realise I make people angry and frustrated but eventually I can sometimes learn but it's like I have no memory so the only way I can learn anything is by being walked through it with repetition so many times it becomes a habit in my subconscious memory if that makes sense so I'm not actually recalling information.
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