Page 12 | Children on Ipads in restaurants

Somersetlady · 2024-02-05T08:27:02+00:00

Away in a resort. I am shocked by the number of children on ipads for the entire sitting of a meal. Breakfast lunch and dinner. Buffet to fine dining. From todlers upwards. No social interaction with parents or staff and mindless eating whilst inhaling cartoons. i understand that parents want a bit of a break but surely this is shockingly bad for the children?

Legoninjago1 · 05/02/2024 12:48

Gowlett · 05/02/2024 12:43

We loved holidays, as kids. Meeting other kids (and adults).

But it’s different today. I don’t have to agree. But, it’s life…

I don't think it is across the board though and I agree with you - I loved meeting other kids and my kids do too! But during a meal in a restaurant... no thanks! Having said that, you'd be welcome to take mine to your table! 😃

DistinguishedSocialCommenator · 05/02/2024 12:51

I've had to rebuke a sibling a few years back for constantly fiddling with here phone on a Sunday as several of us chatted. She said she was booking an airline ticket and I said could you have not done that before or after you came to visit us, lol.

I find it very rude

doilooklikeicare · 05/02/2024 12:55

DistinguishedSocialCommenator · 05/02/2024 12:51

I've had to rebuke a sibling a few years back for constantly fiddling with here phone on a Sunday as several of us chatted. She said she was booking an airline ticket and I said could you have not done that before or after you came to visit us, lol.

I find it very rude

You didn't have to rebuke her! You chose too!

WhiteLily1 · 05/02/2024 13:01

Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 08:34

No i hadn’t considered that. But surely we haven’t lost the run so badly that the majority of children aren't capable of being behaved for long enough to eat a meal and give it their full attention!?

and before someone asks yes i do have children and yes they are with me 6 and 9.

Yes I agree OP. Don’t like it either- kids should be taught to at least eat a meal and sit quietly for a short amount of time.
If the parents are sitting after the meal for extended periods or chatting / having coffees I can understand it a bit more, but even then, what about bringing something quiet for them to do at the table rather than a screen?
its like every waking moment needs to be filled with very exciting things or watching something.
And that’s a catch 22 because the more kids watch short clips / you tube, highly visually appealing cartons / iPad games, the more dopamine is released and the less they are going to be interested in playing a quieter game or chatting (or school work or anything else) This is a proven fact. But it’s easier for parents as it’s a quiet life - having their kids play games or watch a screen.
I get it, I’ve got 3 kids in secondary myself. I’m going through it and been through it. It’s very tempting. But I don’t think it’s right for the child at all.

cordeliachaseatemyhandbag · 05/02/2024 13:13

We do it so we don't disturb other diners. I think it's being polite.

BitchBrigade · 05/02/2024 13:15

Bring your children out so they learn how to act in a restaurant, but don't bring them out to restaurants because they might make noise and disturb other people. Don't give them a screen but give them something quiet to distract them. Make sure you are talking and interacting with them the entire time but don't talk to them or interact with them because that's performance parenting and even whispering counts as noise.

🙄

Mnetcurious · 05/02/2024 13:18

FigAndOlive · 05/02/2024 12:46

Mumsnet: if you bring baby/toddler to a restaurant they have to remain perfectly still and in complete silence, but you can't give them a screen no matter what, you have to talk to them (in whispers) about politics/economics to distract them (don't sing, don't let them play with anything that is remotely noisy, don't clap hands or make them laugh, etc, as it's disruptive), if this is too much for you and you decide you don't want to bring them to a restaurant you're a terrible parent because they have to get used to the environment and etiquette and it's bad for their attachment if they stay with someone else so you can have some relax and enjoyment hahahaha

My toddler has literal zero screen time, I save it for very very very specific situations, even in restaurants I try a lot of distraction techniques, colouring, snacks, take turns to go out with her for a brief walk or whatever, but if push comes to shove and she starts getting fussy I put on a screen in front of her totally guilt-free. We don't go out a lot because it is indeed a bit of a song and dance to try and make her (and us) happy during a whole meal, so I can totally understand why in a resort with around 21 meals/week parents ran out of books/crayons/options/patience and give them a screen. You are judging and coming to conclusions from half hour of a kid's life, mind your own business.

Noone said anything about sitting in silence. Adults don’t sit in silence at restaurants, you just include the children in conversation. No one said the conversation should be about politics/economics either. Adults laugh in restaurants, that’s fine for kids too. How silly.

DistinguishedSocialCommenator · 05/02/2024 13:19

doilooklikeicare · 05/02/2024 12:55

You didn't have to rebuke her! You chose too!

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Incorrect. I had to, IE I had no choice over it as my family is aware of my stance about this type of behaviour and failing to rebuke my sibling would have meant I was accepting her poor, inconsiderate and rude behaviour.

WmFnKdSg1234 · 05/02/2024 13:23

I too am at an all inclusive resort. What I find difficult to watch is when wee children are playing in the pool by themselves or with equally tiny (in height) siblings while their parents are either on sun loungers or on their phones.

There are no lifeguards and no kids club at this resort.

VikingLady · 05/02/2024 13:27

Resort restaurants are LOUD. We don't do tablets in restaurants, but in Haven we did. Our normal methods of conversation, drawing and quiet toys were nowhere near enough.

Go somewhere quieter and you won't see as many.

Original poster

Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 13:31

Dutch1e · 05/02/2024 10:00

less chewing
poorer indigestion
mindless eating
ignoring staff
Lack of social skills
inability to sit quietly for short periods of time

Good lord, that's a lot of close observation. You've managed to count average numbers of chews across a sizeable sample size, comparing screen and non-screen counts in individual children. You've somehow also studied their individual digestive systems, quantified vague terms like "social skills" to apply in a research setting AND controlled for all other factors when determining ability/inability to sit quietly!

Clever you.

Edited

Merely pointing out what is now proven obviously not individual cases I’m observing! It was in answer to someone who genuinely didn’t seem to know that letting toddlers do this would impact them in a negative way.

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Greatscottshesgotit · 05/02/2024 13:32

Please bore off

my kids don’t leave me alone, I can’t piss in peace. Literally don’t get a minute whilst they’re awake.

dont shame me for wanting to enjoy the (very) rare treat of dinner out.

honestly, of all the things to be concerned about, kids on iPads in restaurants isn’t it.

Original poster

Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 13:33

whiteroseredrose · 05/02/2024 10:14

@Somersetlady Would it be OK if they all sat silently reading books?

Not interacting but reading rather than on iPad?

Do you genuinely have no knowledge of why being on a screen whilst eating is harmful to children?

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Original poster

Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 13:36

Daddydog · 05/02/2024 10:23

I've got a controversial opinion on this (at least in our circle) the parents that have strong opposing views on kids using tablets tend to be the same ones fortunate to have a plethora of support in the form of grandparents doing a fair whack of the childcare! Childfree romantic dinners or holidays are not a rare novelty! Every holiday we've had we meet the exact same type of parents, and low and behold we see them trundling around the resort with granny and grandpa and going down for romantic dinners without the kids! When you have kids and zero support whatsoever, you quickly learn how to use any tool available.

We have a friend whoes strongly against TV and tablet time. Easy for her to say as she has a live in nanny who travels with the family on holiday! Hehe

I’m sure there’s validity in your points obviously having another paid of adult hands to take the kids negates needing screen distraction.

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CreateHope · 05/02/2024 13:37

I’m bemused that this is seen as a binary - kids are either on screens or misbehaving 😳. No wonder teachers are leaving in their thousands if this is the piss poor level of behaviour we’ve come to expect when kids aren’t plugged in 😢

Original poster

Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 13:38

Dutch1e · 05/02/2024 10:27

What is "it" exactly?

To dismiss all 'screens' as the devil is too simplistic. A screen is just a medium, like paper. What is delivered via that medium can vary wildly, as can people's reactions to it.

Being against screens in general is like banning most books. It's just clumsy and reactionary.

Weirdly, when the printing presses brought literacy to the masses there was a concern that people would lose their ability to retain epic historical spoken-word stories. To be fair, they were right, we don't have that ability any more. Does that mean literacy is a bad thing? Depends who you ask I suppose. In the same way, is a reduced attention span and a preference for high-level summaries of MANY different subjects a bad thing? I don't know, none of us do. All we can really say is that it's different to what we are familiar with, but that's not bad by default.

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This is part of my question is it now the norm? Have I missed the jump in what is considered normal parenting?
as many have explained to me on here what they do on holidays often differs from home norms.

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Original poster

Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 13:42

Metabolicallycomplicated · 05/02/2024 10:27

We're out for a meal at least once a week, maybe more, My son is 2. Most times we're out for lunch it's because we've had a busy morning at the park, zoo, country walk etc so he's usually missed his morning nap and I'm playing a dangerous game of chicken with a toddler whos over tired and hungry at the same time. I'd say about 60% of the time, I can keep him happy with books and toys I've brought for him while we wait for his food to come, but then there are also times when he's completely knackered and my phone (usually toddler educational apps or Peppa pig on silent) is the only thing that will keep him calm until food arrives. Once the food is there i can remove the phone, but if you walked into the pub all you'd see is a mother totally ignoring her child while he stared at a phone screen. You wouldn't know we'd spent the morning having a great time running about outside and you wouldn't have a clue the phone was a last resort and for the benefit of other diners, not me.

Wind your judgy neck in and parent your own kids not everyone elses. Bully for you if your children are perfectly behaved cherubs who've never seen a cartoon.. I was raised the same way and I absolutely hated my parents for it.

This was never a conversation about screen time or about lack of quality time spent with children who have kids.

simply about kids engrossed in screens whilst eating. And do people consider it the norm. Many do🤷‍♀️ You are taking it very personally.

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Original poster

Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 13:46

TonyaD1986 · 05/02/2024 10:44

Ok. So I have a 6 year old son who has additional needs. At meal times he has to have something to watch whilst he eats. If he didn’t have an iPad to watch, his food doesn’t get eaten. It distracts him enough that he will eat and not complain. Where as if I took that away, he picks at every little thing on the plate, he gets up from the table and get distracted by other things (drinks machines, other diners) Having that tablet there really helps him concentrate and whilst he’s watching, happily clears the plate! Trust me, you would not prefer Some of these kids off their tablet at meal times. Mayhem

thanks for your polite well put explanation.

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Original poster

Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 13:49

fonfusedm · 05/02/2024 10:42

@Somersetlady You're on holiday with a 6 yr old & a 9 yr old & you have spent 2 hours reading & posting replies on a thread you made judging others for screen use & not interacting with their dc 😆😆

You are you deliberately missing my point? Screens in restaurants with children glued to them even when eating!

screens are part of modern life for most people🤷‍♀️

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Original poster

Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 13:51

Scirocco · 05/02/2024 10:46

What you're seeing is point in time, so it's a bit harsh to condemn someone's parenting based on that.

DC very very rarely uses a screen in public. When we had a family member die and needed to put food in a small child on our way home from the hospital, there was nothing left in us to manage a nice, entirely interactive dinner. DC enjoyed watching cartoons with dinner, as an extremely uncommon occurrence, while DH and I sat and tried to pull ourselves together enough to get through the rest of the day.

But this is exactly WHY I came on MN to ask the question. It was so alien I asked if this was the new norm evidently from many replies on here for a large percent of people it is the norm.

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TonyaD1986 · 05/02/2024 13:51

I do totally see your point and my daughter who is older doesn’t go on her phone at the dinner table. She likes to chat with us and enjoy her food. Whereas my lad, he’s just in a league of his own 😆

fonfusedm · 05/02/2024 13:51

5 hours & you're still going?! Even I got bored & did my washing 😆

You are you deliberately missing my point?

You're definitely missing mine! How can you spend so much time on a screen when holidaying with your young dc?

egowise · 05/02/2024 13:55

Yawn

CattyMcTat · 05/02/2024 13:56

DistinguishedSocialCommenator · 05/02/2024 13:19

Incorrect. I had to, IE I had no choice over it as my family is aware of my stance about this type of behaviour and failing to rebuke my sibling would have meant I was accepting her poor, inconsiderate and rude behaviour.

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Whilst I don't disagree that an adult using a phone during a meal is rude, I'd also suggest that policing another adults behaviour is pretty rude. 'My family know what I'm like' is kinda code for 'my family dread these meals as queen bees list of dos and don't make it a real chore'.

Personally, I've found using a screen with my 6YO a game changer. Yes he's somewhat engrossed at times, but he sits for a meal. He has ADHD and autism and we have no childcare options so this bit of freedom has been amazing. At the same time my 2.5 YO sits pretty well. She doesn't have a tablet but if food is taking a long time we may whip a phone out to distract her for a little while when she gets restless. Toddlers aren't designed to sit for long periods.

I can't imagine judging parents at an all inclusive though. They're out for 3 meals a day, by day 6 it's no longer a treat, it's boring AF for most children.

Original poster

Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 13:56

fonfusedm · 05/02/2024 11:05

Maybe the other parent is in the pool interacting with the kids? Is this not normal for a family on holiday at some point during the day?

Do you normally spend your holidays on social media judging others? I don’t. And in the context of screen time & interaction as per the OP it’s a tad hypocritical. Whilst DH & I certainly share the load on holiday one of us wouldn’t sit on social media for hours but perhaps it’s normal for others. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve been popping on and off. When kids had activity. Look at my post history and you’ll see haven’t been on for months. I genuinely came on to ask a question specifically about kids glued to screens when eating and if this was normal for many people.

im not checking back in as in the baths kids have gone golfing with their dad.

it’s not hypocritical because I will not mindlessly be shoving food down my throat whilst watching Netflix and disengaging from all social interaction when we go out for dinner later.

this thread was never about general use of screens……… for adults or children.

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