To ask for trichotillomania help

[mrlistersgelfbride]

I've had tricho as long as I can remember. I remember getting told off for playing with my hair in late primary school, so that's pushing 30 years.
I think I did it as a stress reliever when I was worried about school or my parents arguing (I was an anxious child!).
I'm still doing it. It is mild to moderate. I do it mostly when I'm sat down at a computer concentrating and work, or watching TV at home, sometimes when I'm having conversations with others and it goes into overdrive when I'm stressed wherever I am.
I don't do it constantly or loose hours to it, so have no bald patches. But I do it quite a lot, every day. Hair pull, pluck and sometimes ingest 🙈 (not much) and it also pick the scabs on my scalp.
I'm acutely aware of it now I have a young daughter (6). She's starting picking her nose and getting nosebleeds and when I asked her she said "Well mummy you do that (mimes hair pull)"
I've also got a newish job and I'm scared people have seen me hairpull already and think I'm strange.
Is there anything anyone can suggest to kick this? I'll do anything apart from shave my head 😅
Any toys or things I can buy to keep hands busy?
i don't think therapy would work for me, I've had counselling before (for unrelated issues) and CBT for other things and I don't find therapists helpful or understanding. I don't think I need psychoanalysising I'd just love to stop or reduce. It's a compulsion for me, an obsession I'd like to slowly break.
Open to any ideas. If you've read this far then thank you x

An elastic band on your wrist you can 'ping instead? Or something like worry beads?

I used to do this when I had thicker hair (brown) hair. I would feel around and find individual black curlier hairs which I would dispatch. I could do with them all now. I also now have spots on my scalp which I pick at till they scab then I scratch the scabs off .

I'm a scab picker too. I do find a wrist distractor helpful.

I have trich too, also for 30years.

I am now pretty sure I hadvr ADHD and wonder if this is linked. I've read about swimming behaviour etc and it fits.

Haven't found anything to relieve it. Just tying hair up and keeping busy. If I have an action packed day my hair is not at risk!

Habit Reversal Therapy worked for me, albeit temporarily (I stopped pulling, then a while later I started a new medication that made the compulsions much, much stronger). It's a behavioural therapy, but in practice it feels very different from CBT (and nothing like counselling). You identify situations that cause you to pull, and find other things to do instead of pulling. I mean, it's more involved than that, but basically that's how it works. I worked with a psychologist who helped me to actually do the things from the therapy that I fully understood and were blatantly obvious but which I somehow couldn't do on my own.

I think part of how it worked was that I was spending a lot of money, and baring some embarrassing realities about my private behaviour to another person, and I was damned if I was going to do all that and not have it work

I’ve cracked this habit after 25 years in the last year. I essentially just went all in with keeping my hands busy - fidget spinners, popits, knitting, painting my nails, anything to stop my hands ending up in my hair. I’m not perfect but I’m much better than I was, it’s hard though and I sometimes find my hands wandering and think ‘oh a bit won’t hurt’ because I find it so pleasurable.

This might sound silly but could you wear a hat or swimming cap when you’re in the house so you can’t touch your hair?

I'm sorry op I don't have advice but just wanted to say I really, really identify with this:

I don't find therapists helpful or understanding. I don't think I need psychoanalysising

I have felt exactly the same whenever I've had therapy. Getting therapy is the go-to advice, and especially on mumsnet, but it's never helped me.

What I will say is, if it helps you feel better, you aren't weird or particularly unusual. Most people would consider my dh to be very calm and level headed (he is) but even he gets a little bald patch on a particular part of his beard when he's stressed. It's super common so don't beat yourself up about it. Obviously it's good to try and stop/reduce it but let go of any shame.

I only pull out the split ends so I used to carry around a pair of nail scissors and snip a few millimetres instead of pulling.

NAC is supposed to be good for trichotillomania;

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/2333794X221086576

https://www.bfrb.org/articles/n-acetylcysteine-for-trichotillomania-skin-picking-and-nail-biting

I don't pull my hair out but I have an obsession with rubbing the roots - now that I work at a desk job I'm doing it most of the day and getting bald spots. I tried finding fidget toys that would simulate the sensation, and ended up buying a cheap paintbrush that I could fiddle with instead. It's quite a good substitute, if I remember to pick it up - I usually use it for meetings when the web cam's on.

Pillock. I typed that chunk o' text and then missed out the whole reason for typing it.

I was going to say that if you look for resources for Habit Reversal Training/Therapy, there are often lots of practical suggestions for improving your awareness of when and why you pull, and things you can do instead of pulling, which you can implement even if you don't want to or can't see a therapist.

Acrylic nails!!! Game changer. You won't be able to pick and you won't think of it either. It's impossible with them on.

I accidentally discovered this when I accompanied my teen daughters birthday nail treat. Have not looked back apart from the brief time I decided to have the nails removed and was instantly back to picking.

Best of luck.

My best friend has trich and we’ve been trying to work on it together because, like you, he wants help.

The most important thing you’re saying, OP, is that your daughter is starting to mimic you. I think finding a way to break your trichillomania habit is, of course, important for you, but the fact she is now copying you has made it more urgent. Here is what I’ve discovered so far.

• My friend has ADHD. The worse it is, the worse the hair pulling. He can’t afford therapy full time, but he’s been able to see a psychiatrist just to get diagnosed with ADHD and been put on medication for it and it has indirectly helped some with the hair-pulling.

• He did start to use fidget toys. These do NOT need to be brightly colored or make much noise in order to be affective. His favorite is actually two small, matte black flat rectangles that “click” together magnetically in about six different ways. They actually fit in his hand so others would barely tell he was using them. Someone else recommending paint brushes, which is an interesting idea. I do NOT recommend a wrist disrupter or a wrist elastic to “ping” yourself. When in very high stress, my friend would “ping” it often enough and violently enough to injure himself, as could possibly many hair-pullers who do it for stress relief.

• Dont necessarily knock hats or cutting your hair. I think it helps to leave your hair long enough that you can pull it back, but there is nothing wrong with putting it in a ponytail or messy bun or small chignon, and then putting a very thin beanie over it while you’re home. My friend still does this occasional. I got him some very thin beanies that came three for about £10, I think. This may not be a solution at work but it could be: hat at home, fidget toy at work, especially as you may need your hands at home to do different tasks, or help your DC, etc.

• Instead of psychotherapy, consider trying biofeedback therapy. It’s not for everyone but it did help me. It teaches you to breathe more calmly by controlling a visual aid, like an airplane or a spaceship, with your breathing. They use electrodes to measure your heart rate and breathing during the session, and how even and measured your breathing is can control whether the airplane/spaceship crashes. So you learn breathing that relieves stress, hopefully to replace a harmful habit you were doing to release stress, like hair pulling.

• Do everything, like @QuizzlyBears said she had to. You don’t have to try one thing, feel like you’ve failed, then try again. You can do as much as you need to, to overcome it. Wear a thin beanie, use a fidget toy, cut your hair shorter if it helps, paint your nails, take up knitting or crochet, etc.

Good luck. I know how hard this can be, how engrained it can be, and how difficult it can be to overcome when we live in a stressful world. But you can do this. The very best of luck to you, @mrlistersgelfbride .

Not practical for daily life, but when you’re sitting on the couch or reading in bed maybe, some cotton gloves.

50 year sufferer 🙁

I might have to try the nails! I’ve always assumed I’d just pick them off.

This sounds good - I go the other way and cut my nails extremely short so there's no white bit of the nail. Same idea just the other way around.

I don't pull hair but I'm terrible for scratching my face and giving myself spots. Short nails eliminates it completely for me. I can't scratch (or pull hair) because I can't get two nails to meet, only the fleshy bit of my fingers can touch iyswim

If you do find a silver bullet let me know- have pulled from my scalp for 25 years, I’m now 90% bald, my hair has mostly stopped growing back and I have to wear a wig

@AngeloMysterioso I’m so sorry to hear this. I understand wigs are not a great thing for a lot of women either, because until you try to wear them all the time, you don’t realize how sore they can make your head. And the various caps to put under wigs can soften it, but also make them a lot hotter (ok in winter, but brutal on some summer days). Maybe you’re doing great with wigs but just in case you’re struggling…

My biological mother lost all her hair during cancer and I’m currently dealing with the fact that I had to shave my head because I have a life limiting illness and my hair is just too damn painful. Once I shaved my head, I realized… no one really cares. I could have shaved it and dyed it blue, or worn colorful scarves around it every day (there are some beautiful ways to tie them) and in fact, I did get some patterns shaved into it and most people thought it was great. Life is just too, too short to be uncomfortable or to hide things which bring us shame but which others either won’t notice at all or will notice for about two seconds BUT won’t judge at all. If wigs are comfortable, wonderful. But if they’re not, please let me know and I’d be happy to link you to some alternative ideas (or anyone who wants them).

Just coming back to this. There are salons that can cover the very bald/hair damages places. Look up Lucinda Ellery. They have "intralace systems" and a mini version. I believe they see the lace into your hair and then feed fake hair through. This allows the regularly pulled area to have a break and a chance to come through again.

I know there's a salon in Edinburgh but I think there's more dotted around the UK.

I used to go to LE, and it did the job for a few years and looked lovely but it was so expensive, and now I have children I can neither justify nor afford spending thousands of pounds a year on my hair.

Yes I’m in the US and they have intra lace here too and it’s exorbitant and the upkeep is intensive.

Won’t ever be in my budget I’m afraid.

I've done it for years, since I was 11 and I'm 42 now. Big almost-bald patch on top.
I knit in the evenings and that helps a lot.

I've been looking at root touch up powder to try and cover the bald patch, because I haven't had a parting in my hair for 31 years and I really can't stand hats and pony tails any more.

I sympathize. I only recently realised there was a name for it.
I’ve picked at my scalp since I was a child. I can remember how it started. I was on holiday and had sand in my hair and liked the way it felt on my scalp.

I’ve had periods when I don’t do it and I’ve had periods where I’ve ended up creating a scab and once it’s there I pick constantly. It did get to the point where I had 2 bald spots and I was mortified when my hairdresser noticed and commented on it. I had to confess I’d done it to myself.
mine is mostly stress related
My colleague at work noticed I do it - I hate it and wish I didn’t do it

I think I did it as a stress reliever when I was worried about school or my parents arguing (I was an anxious child!).

Yup, that’s probably an accurate diagnosis. It was something you could control in a world that was scary. Have you tried hypnotherapy/remedial hypnosis? The issue is in your subconscious mind so it’s there a reset would be most effective.

This isn't really a solution, but if you pull your head hair can you try snapping it instead. I now have a section of shorter bits at the back but at least I don't have a bald patch any more.