Complete life do-over after 50 ?

[PlanZed]

Name changed.

Has anyone done this ? I mean changed your life radically after the age of 50 ? Please share your stories.

I fear my (second) marriage will end soon. I have no kids (not my choice). I don't mind my job but it's stressful and I don't want to do it much longer. Parents elderly (tricky relationship, they were abusive) and they live abroad. No siblings. A handful of good friends but that is all.

So. Basically I have fucked up my life. But I do have freedom. AIBU to think there still a chance for me to turn this around and avoid a sad and lonely old age ? Not just talking about a partner. I could be happy single, I just don't want to feel isolated and lost. I need a community but I don't know where/how.

Do you like where you live? Do you live in a city or the countryside? Just wondering if there is a place that particularly speaks to you, or a particularly good friend you can use as a starting point for building your ideal life post 50, which I'm 100% sure can be done!

I love your post. It's sad about your marriage and estranged family but I love how practical you sound and optimistic. Freedom is a wonderful positive.

I think you can do it. How long will you need to work and how much will you need to earn? I think that's key before looking at where to live.

Are your good friends local or might it be possible to move nearer to one of them?

As I've learned, health is everything so if you have that , and can bin the stressful job , you can be happy.

There are lots of places to find company, but it has to be something you enjoy.
Some people turn to the church, you don’t have to believe, and they offer to help at coffee mornings etc.
You could try fostering.
You could offer to walk dogs for the elderly, us dog walkers are chatty people.
Join some exercise classes. Join a choir.
What do you like doing?

My friend's Mum has managed this at 60. Her DH died of a heart attack aged 61. She moved back to the UK after years abroad. Knew no one apart from my friend who is very busy. She lives alone, was very lonely and isnt an instantly charismatic or likeable person (she is once her barriers come down).
She told me friend she needed to have a change so she got a job and threw herself into activities and volunteering. She does something most nights (yoga, choir, 3 different volunteer roles). Three years on she has loads of friends and is really well known locally. It takes effort but.worth it.

Hi @raindropbox I live in a city. I do love the countryside but I don't think I am brave enough to move somewhere rural alone. Most of my relatives are in my parent's country. I could move there, and they will increasingly need help (which I am prepared to give) so that is a possibility. I would rather grow old in that country than in the UK. But I'm scared of being drawn back into an abusive dynamic with my parents if I am single. Then there is the question of work - can WFH but can't do my job completely remotely. I am financially stable but not wealthy - will need to continue earning at roughly the same level for at least 10 years.

I couldn't make these decisions around where my friends live. What if we fall out or they move. I know that sounds negative. Just so much has gone wrong I fear relying on anyone.

Thanks everyone. Lots of helpful thoughts here.

I wouldn't move back to your home country while your parents need help. They are abusive and will make your life miserable.

I would end the relationship myself because I think you take control, then browsers and wait for the axe to hit you.

I agree with PP that moving near your abusive parents is a bad idea.

I started over aged 52. Newly single, with two adult DC who live 50 miles away, I downsized massively. I now live in a very tiny house in the suburbs of a great seaside city.

I changed my job to one that is less money but far less stressful and has a great pension scheme. I will have to work FT until I am 65 probably, but I quite enjoy my job and work four days a week compressed hours. That gives me an additional day off for walking on the beach, going to cinema or theatre, or just lazing around reading books.

I will get a dog when I retire.

Good luck, don’t put it off too long. My life is utter bliss compared to being unhappily married as I was before.

Well only you know your friends but IME it's quite hard to fall out with proper good friends so in your shoes I would pick your closest one and move near them, and start building a community there. Good luck!

Yep. Retrained - qualifying at 51. New job with new colleagues. Have added a
new (adult) person to the family (friend who needed somewhere to live - is now more like an additional adult child in the family). Have restarted old hobbies and am exploring new ones. Starting to travel more.

Very much have a don’t put it off, seize the day mentality now. Finally have the time to do what I want to do.

I think it's surprising how many people in their 50s do have the courage to start a new chapter. Your not starting from scratch, you have a lot of experience behind you. Be confident and have faith your choices will work out. Of course initially there will be uncertainty and anxiety but l think if your committed to making it work you will find a way.

A handful of good friends is a great starting point.
You are not too old, we are living longer and it's much more common now to have different phases in our life.
Sounds like you're a bit nervous of bringing your marriage to an end, but the relief that comes with that will give you a new zest for life!

I'm 54, just ended my marriage, I have a low paid job that I quite enjoy so will just have to cut my cloth accordingly!
Freedom to build a new life is priceless - go for it!

I’m 50 and I’ve recently moved 250 miles to a little village by the sea, having found a job locally. No previous connections here, and I’d never actually been here prior to the day I moved in (agreed to the rental via a video tour) so it could have been a bit of a disaster. It’s wonderful, though - stunning place, lovely sense of community and I’ve already made friends. Plenty to do for over-50s if I’m so inclined, and living right by the sea feels very healing for me.

What would make your heart sing? Whatever it is, do that 🥰

That's a really difficult post. In a couple it's all there together.

Cliched perhaps, but volunteering, choirs and sport are good ways to keep busy and have some social contact

I'd be wary of moving to live near friends and relying on them to be / create your social circle. They have their own lives already

Thisismyeden - lovely post, well done!

If I were me with your circumstances (ie noone to please but myself) I'd move to a harbour or river setting (it's my dream to live near water) and live in a beautiful 2 bed flat with large terrace/balcony (I hate maintaining our garden!).
I'd work 3 days a week in a boring, remote, professional role similar to what I do now (to bring in a decent wage). Then I'd work one or two days a week in a role that has me mixing in the local community (coffee shop, bar).
I'd also join in with water-based activities (kayaking, paddleboarding etc).

Thank you everyone for the encouragement and ideas. It's great to read such positive posts. Congratulations @ThisIsMyEden I think you are very brave and I'm delighted the move has worked out for you. You've inspired me - thank you.

Ah lovely replies, thank you! Not particularly brave at all - the last 5 years have been a bit of a shit pit really. End of a relationship (that had been long-term sexless by his choice, so I feel utterly neutered) with someone I still loved, with the plan that I moved into the van that I bought to convert. I did that, eventually, but much as I love being away in the van for a few weeks at a time, I couldn’t quite get away from feeling homeless in the long term. So I recalibrated for the 100th time, and, with a lot of encouragement from friends, applied for a dream job in a totally new area. By some miracle, I got it, so then the rest flowed from that.

Everything still feels s bit precarious, and yes - sometimes I feel lonely - but actually no less lonely than when I was in an utterly unsatisfying ‘relationship’. The strange thing is that since I’ve been down here, in a beautiful place, sitting out by the sea, I’ve got chatting to the an extraordinary number of women in their fifties (ish - I’m fifty, so I mean women around my age) who have told me a truncated version of their life story and we’ve had quite the bonding experience. This has not happened to me before, maybe because I’ve not been putting myself out there, but it’s very noticeable since I moved here, and it actually really heartwarming in a solidarity sort of way.

So, if you’re a woman who is 50-odd (or older/younger) and starting over, or wishes you could, and you’re coming to south east Cornwall, give me a shout. 😉🤗 You can do it!

I have known someone who changed their life over 50. Moved to an area they loved, got much fitter, took up hobbies to meet people, wrote a book, and just worked on making a life for themselves that they enjoyed.

Not what you asked exactly, but you might enjoy watching ‘Last Tango in Halifax’ if you haven’t already as it’s all about new beginnings later in life - not just the grandparents falling in love but Sarah Lancashire’s character taking her life in a whole new direction.

I saw this on one of the mid week London news programmes and thought it was amazing idea....it was created from an old school, women only, youngest was 50, they had a lovely life!

newgroundcohousing.uk

As someone whose second marriage has just ended (not my choice), and who turns 50 next year, this post is so uplifting. I have children but they’re all adults (or almost are) and so I’m not tied to where I live … thank you!

I’m a few years away from 50, but I’m looking forward to the time “I get to reevaluate my life choices “. It will god willing include my husband but we are in the ‘getting serious/what if’ stage of planning a few big life changes.

We’re currently responsible for 3 old people, and to be honest I don’t expect any of them to be around in 5 years. They’re all in various health and living in senior housing so we don’t have day to day responsibilities, but do want to be close. After they are gone we won’t have anything really tying us to the area (we are transplants to begin with)

my DH retires in June of ‘26 with a full pension… His plan is to retrain for a less physical job. I plan to quit my job and contract to allow for flexibility. We’re planning to move 1200 miles away and open a loose interpretation of a boarding house while still working for a couple of more years. Then at some point fully retiring.

At this point we’re just saving like mad and starting to do some serious discussions.