Wanting To Confront Boss About Conversation I Overheard

[Charliesunnysky10]

This morning my boss was in a meeting room with 2 other managers and I went to ask if they wanted coffee/water. As I approached to knock, I could hear my boss telling the others that I 'just sit on my arse and don't offer to complete checkouts' and then 'ridiculous notion that she wants a payrise when she can't even do the job'. I immediately left & went back to my desk in shock. I had my review last month and she mentioned none of this: it was all very positive.

I wanted to find the courage to speak to her about what she said as it's really making me feel very unwanted and useless. On the other hand I feel bad for even overhearing - I stayed to let her finish - in the back of my mind I even wanted them to see I was at the door (it's part glazed).

Is it unreasonable/unadvisable to approach her privately and ask about this?

Should I just put a brave face on it and let it blow over? She often talks badly of other staff/contractors/clients instead of telling them what she doesn't like and giving them the opportunity to improve, and when I think about it like that, I guess it's not such a shock. But I considered her a friend, listened to her worries, cheered her up and told her she's doing a great job (she is, otherwise), and it feels very hard to hear her slag me off to others, and not mention any of this to me directly.

@noooooooo You make so many valid points in your response - thank you very much. It's really useful advice.

@LookItsMeAgain Thank you for clarifying, I'm still wary of flagging this - I'd prefer to see what happens next but I've recorded the details and will continue to do so if there's a recurrence.

If you report it or bring it to her attention in any way, my prediction is you will end up sacked, off sick or managed out.
Life is not fair, and management do not play be rules of decency.
It is easy for others to advise all sorts of action, but it is not they who will face the consequences.

@Daphnis156 Seen that happen to 2 colleagues in the short time she's been here. Not wanting to be the 3rd head on a spike.
But lots of good advice and I'll be honest, just having people on here who care enough to make suggestions and kind words has repaired my self esteem and made the day better. So thank you!

I'd be looking for another job while staying distant but professional and polite. I wouldn't want to work with someone like that personally. I would bring up what happened and why I was leaving during my exit interview.

Hi OP, that's really awful what she's done, essentially dismissing you in front of 2 colleagues, yet I assume not actually ever mentioned any of her perceived quibbles with your performance actually with you?

Do you recognise what she said to be true and a part of your role? Or is she trying to use you to advance or advantage herself amongst others?

If it's the latter then I'd be inclined to talk to HR for advice. It may be a dignity issue and also if she's got rid of two of your colleagues then she's clearly pretty nasty. It's crappy that she could potentially have disadvantaged you by gossiping/ using you to advance herself in any way

Would you be able to transfer in your company? Could you speak with your HR team maybe?

Oh my, she sounds vindictive. 😱

Best to just do your job and say nothing in this instance. 👍

But you are very much at risk of this exact thing happening if you say and do nothing. However, if you inform HR now, then you are covered against any future "managing out" scenario

@Catza But HR won't just 'store' that info for my 'insurance'. They'll feel bound to investigate. And there will be a war on, people taking sides - probably hers because she is higher up & dangerous, also that they've criticised her privately to me, and I've cut them short because I regarded her as a friend and didn't want to promote a bitchy workplace. That snub to their banter earned me no favours. I have no proof because the 2 people in there will back her over me. One was the guy slagging her of to me when I cut him short. The other was the one who helped her dispatch the guy who worked here 25 yrs.

@FloofCloud Thanks. If She wants me to do checkouts, I'll do them. But she seems to think everyone can read her mind, and has managed people/contractors out in the past without giving them chance to improve. That's not fair. I'm lucky that I've overheard this so I can have the measure of her and save myself.

This is a fantastic plan to have in your back pocket OP, in my opinion. Get yourself some other options mapped out as you go forward. An exit interview is a great opportunity to be able to share what went on and let them see what this manager's behaviour is costing them.

@tattygrl & @EvilElsa I'm reluctant to allow her behaviour to cost me a job O love. We've had some bad managers over the years and they've all moved on. The worst one we had was a bad-tempered impulsive tyrant. 3 of my friends left because he had them in tears with his bullying on several occasions. He was eventually dismissed and replaced by a fantastic manager who brought even more great staff in. I'll take a look what's out there, but this job offers so much flexibility, is walkable, my colleagues & clients are lovely, and it would be a shame to allowed her behaviour to push me out.