To think that a surrogate mother...

[BackDownSouth]

Is the biological mother of a surrogate baby that she delivers, even in cases where another egg was used? One thing I hate hearing in the surrogacy debate by pro-surrogacy folks (who like to minimise the connection between mother and child and the effect that separation at birth can have on both) is “the surrogate has no biological relation to the baby” in cases where an egg other than the surrogate’s own were used. Of course she has a biological connection to the baby. She doesn’t have a GENETIC link to the baby - no. But biological? She has about as much of a biological connection with it as she would her own genetic child. The baby is quite literally made of her. The genetic material of the egg may predetermine baby’s genetic make-up to match that of the intended mother’s egg but that is such a shallow link compared to the nurturing happening during the pregnancy. It's the surrogate mother’s body building and nurturing that child. The mother’s body will likely forever retain snippets of the child’s DNA - particularly traces of Y chromosome if she carries a boy. Everything the mother does or eats or feels will influence that child. The baby knows her smell and voice and as soon as they are born they seek her, and they will feel stress at being placed into a stranger’s arms rather than mum’s immediately after birth. It’s completely ridiculous to say there is no biological connection between surrogate and baby. What’s more of a connection, really, to a newborn baby who has no concept of themselves other than the birth mother who is all they have ever known? Is the baby bothered about a mother who makes up half of their DNA but who has been on the other side of the world since their conception and is going to lay claim to them through a financial transaction? Or is the baby instead going to crave the presence of the woman who has grown and nurtured them? The surrogate is mum and the baby is going to need her post-birth no matter how much people want to ignore that.

People like to say “DNA is nothing” in the context of the love between step-parents and their stepchildren, adoptive children etc, and that’s rightly so. A genetic link isn’t what makes a family. But in the case of surrogacies, this is all completely thrown out of the window and the idea of a surrogate mother bonding with her baby (because it is her baby…) is inconceivable because she ‘isn’t even related to them’ despite literally creating and birthing the child.

And to expand on this @Newnamenewname109870 used suicide as a justification for surrogacy.

Imagine the pressure that this could potentially bring to a child conceived of surrogacy if this accidentally slipped, which it could, into their consciousness?

Or if the surrogate child looked into matters and felt that the birth mother had been manipulated either emotionally or financially into making the decision, how would that 'child' feel about the parents who raised them then?

The IPs and the surrogate mother might not have much concerns for the ethics of the arrangement but they can't control how the child will feel about it.

Which only reinforced the point about selfish adults doing anything for their own benefit without regards to the mother or child and the point about affluence and exploitation of poor/ vulnerable through coercion, abuse or money.

I still marvel somewhat that there are people in the world who cannot recognise exploitation and coercion unless it is extreme.

The justifications that have been used on this thread have been astonishing to see.

What is the acceptable collateral of those children harmed by being dseliberately created to fulfill what an adult has deemed as a 'need' which is actually a 'wish'? How many children per 100 have to suffer from significant mental health issues arising from their conception before some people recognise that it is an issue that needs banning completely? 1 in 100? 10 in 100? 50? Whether that is at 10 years old, at 20 years old or at 30-40 when they start having their own children and start processing their own situation?

And how many women suffering harm are considered 'acceptable collateral' so that others can achieve their desire through the exploiting of women's bodies? 1 in 100? 10 in 100? 50? Whether that harm is immediate or in 1 year, 5 years or 10 years.

People struggle to discern been fact and opinion

They struggle to understand what is belief and what is evidence based.

They struggle to know the difference between want and need.

These biases show up daily in politics. People with power are better at using language to get what they want for their own benefit - ethics is the moral code designed to try and urge identification of the above to stop this abuse of power.

It always come back to the question of why Hollywood stars benefit from surrogacy rather than act as surrogates for someone living in poverty.

Wherever you see that pattern you can bet that fact/opinion or belief/evidence base or want/need will be twisted in propaganda to support the position of the powerful.

That's why ethics matter.

It's also why we don't see attempts to identify/quantify possible harms from surrogacy. We don't see more discussions on the emotional control used over surrogate mothers or their children. We don't see questions about why the harm to infertile couple is the only valid argument.

It is fascinating to watch, but quite often it's simply about skin in the game.

I haven't kept up with this thread so not sure if this has been shared already or not but I'm just stopping by as I noticed that surrogacy was on the front page of the Spectator this week and here is the online article by Louise Perry.

I think it encapsulates a lot of what has been pointed out here and on similar threads in the past.

www.spectator.co.uk/article/womb-service-the-moral-dangers-of-surrogacy/

That’s a great summary, thanks for posting it, @OhHolyJesus . As you say, it makes all the points made on this thread and others before it.

Just to say for those of you who are interested in opposing surrogacy - a new campaign group has launched - Surrogacy Concern. They’re SurrogConcern on Twitter, or you can read about them on SurrogacyConcern.uk