...to be hacked off over how I've been conscripted to helping with an event at the church?

[MsHighwater]

On Sunday, I was handed some sheets of paper in the crush to leave the building after the service. When I got home and read them, one was a letter dated last November asking for volunteers to help out with serving refreshments after a number of events taking place during 2008. This letter was headed "Dear girls,". The other pages were a letter dated this month explaining that the writer has drawn up a rota of helpers for the 3 dates and giving instructions about attending. The instructions included "If you can't manage your date, please arrange for someone else to do it" and "Please bring a packet of biscuits". The 3rd page was a rota with my name included on one of the 3 dates.

Now, I have no objections whatsoever to helping and would gladly have volunteered to do so if I'd received the November letter in November. But I think it's a bit bloody cheeky to put me on a rota without first having given me the chance to volunteer (and perhaps to ask for a particular date) especially when we're expected to arrange our own cover if we can't make the date we've been given and when we're expected to provide the biscuits as well!

To add insult, it's clear that only women have been asked to help. Apparently the men in our church can't be trusted with hot water! My feminist hackles are up.

I can manage the date and can afford the biscuits so I'll go along and help as requested. Should I mention my feelings about the way it was handled to the woman who organised it? What should I say?

sausageroll and SueBaroo, if you re-read my posts you will see that I am perfectly willing to help and also have no objection to contributing a packet of biscuits. This is why I do not intend to refuse to do it - I definitely do not want it to look like my irritation is about not wanting to help.

Yes, it is a Christian church and helping others is an important principle but so is respect for one another. I feel annoyed both about the gender issue and about being "conscripted" this way and not being simply asked to volunteer. I now find that I am not the only one to whom this has happened. A friend of mine also got the letter but, as it happens, has mislaid the letter without even having read it and now only knows about because I have mentioned it to her!

And, sausageroll, what evidence have I given you to think that my churchgoing might have anything to do with my dd's school? Are you so cynical about all churchgoers? You don't know me and that's an unpleasant assumption to make about anyone, isn't it?

I want to say something about both aspects so that there's a chance it won't happen again but I very much don't want to make a fuss for all the reasons mentioned.

Just to make you

Our (male) vicar is frequently washing up in the kitchen after the service. Once he turned up early to my friend's house for a meeting and she was settling the children and quite stressed. Next on her list was to wash up and prepare refreshments for the meeting. He immediately offered to wash up (offer accepted)!

To get back to your original post, I agree, it is a difficult one - you don't want to be awkward or "un Christian" but nor do you want to be taken for granted either, do you girl?

Thanks, opol, you're right. I am not very good at pitching these things right. She won't know there's a problem unless I bring it up but I worry that I'll make a hash of it. I'll be annoyed with myself if I wimp out, though, because I feel strongly about treating others with respect and consideration.

go on

eb unchristian!
iw ent ot a goevrnor training the other day and there was different paper work for church and non church schools...

this woman said " oh are you a church school"
and i SO SO wanted to say " oh no we are the anti christ"
but cihickeneed out

Lol, CaptainCod, you should have.

I live in the west of Scotland. Faith schools means a whole different thing here.

MsHighwater, well, I mentioned that I think you should speak to them about how it was handled, certainly.

Screw your courage to the sticking place and do it, though, asap, otherwise it could create a lot of gossipy bad-feeling.

Pheh to the feminist thing, though. because I'm in that sort of mood today.

I can't see why your name should be put on a rota when you haven't volunteered. I do the rota at our church for Sunday school teachers and I only put the names of people who have agreed to be on it.

I was a little bit hacked off myself this week when my dd was approached (in writing) and asked to be next year's Rose Queen when the most onerous job in the parish is to be Rose Queen Mum and also includes considerable financial outlay (posh frock etc). I made it clear that this was out of the question but it could have been difficult if dd had been keen and had hopes raised and dashed.

"what evidence have I given you to think that my churchgoing might have anything to do with my dd's school?"

Just trying to guess why someone might go to church if they weren't a Christian (not saying you're not)

"Are you so cynical about all churchgoers?"

No, only the ones who don't seem to be prepared to put themselves out to help other people.

"You don't know me and that's an unpleasant assumption to make about anyone, isn't it?"

I didn't assume - I asked. BTW it was tongue in cheek and you didn't actually answer that question

Just couldn't think why someone who went to church to worship god and follow the christian ideals would mind in the slightest being asked to help others at their church, even if they were "conscripted".
Presumably if all the people who "wouldn't have minded" volunteering had done so then there would be no need to conscript anyone!

Sausageroll, I am a Christian. The fact that I go to church (regularly, as I think I indicated) ought to at least hint at that. But the fact that I am and that this all happened at my church is not relevant to my question.

I thought I had made it quite clear that I am not complaining about being asked to help. I'm just ticked off at how it was done.

"if all the people who "wouldn't have minded" volunteering had done so then there would be no need to conscript anyone!" - there was no need to conscript me; I was not given the chance to volunteer and the "Dear girls" bit and all it implies rankles, too.

I found your question about my reasons for attending church offensive and unwarranted. Also irrelevant which is why I didn't answer it. But since it seems to matter to you, I live in the West of Scotland. Church attendance (at least as far as the Church of Scotland is concerned) is not a condition of entry to the local state primary school that my dd will attend in due course.

Sorry if I've upset you. I didn't mean to offend and it doesn't make any difference to me why you go to church or where your DC are schooled. Merely making the point that if people really want to help each other then they will. TBH the "dear girls" thing would be v annoying and i think it might make me irritated and wanting to complain too, but I thought - should it make me annoyed or as a christian should it matter? Probably my answers would be yes and no i.e. much the same as you. I was not criticising you, just making a lighthearted point that sometimes we forget the real issue (e.g. helping others) and get caught up in minor irritations ("dear girls"). The trouble is short of it's hard to tell on hear who is smiling as they type!

I sometimes think that "offensive" is a very strong and emotive term to use. to me it would imply foul langauage, racism or similar. Maybe we should all be less quick to take offence and yes i'm still smiling - hope you are too.

Peace