Please read and tell me what you think.

[anorak]

DD (15) kept borrowing my camera without asking. The first couple of times I said please ask, then I won't spend hours searching for it. She carried on borrowing it without asking. So I got cross and said, just don't touch it any more. As soon as I went into hospital for my operation, she took it, DH mentioned it when he was visiting. He didn't know she wasn't supposed to have it. So I was in hospital getting along fine and then this upset me. When I got home I got the camera back and had a go at her. We bought her a secondhand camera, and also gave her 100 pounds for Christmas to buy herself a new one. Then it disappeared again and has been missing for weeks.

I've searched the house twice, asked her numerous times if she has it (flatly denies it), felt very upset each time there was something I wanted to photograph and couldn't, didn't know whether to buy a new one or wait for it to turn up.

Anyway a friend mentioned to me yesterday she had seen lovely new pics of DD on facebook, well obviously I was suspicious so finally today I searched her room - and found it. Very much deliberately hidden.

So I have taken her laptop and hidden it to see what she says and how annoying she's going to find it. And to see if I can get a confession out of her without having to force it. I'm so fed up with being lied to. The camera is also broken by the way (prob why she did not sneak it back into its usual place).

Can't decide exactly what to do about it either, hate to have to discipline her as she is normally very good and has been through a lot of trauma in the last couple of years - think she ought to know right from wrong by now - oh I don't know, any suggestions?

LOL soupy

No invasion of privacy strop, I don't think she'd do that. She'll be all shamefaced and cringeing with embarrassement and grovelling and then normally she does the same thing again as soon as your back's turned.

Hunker she had a school project to do I think. But if she'd asked permission to borrow it I would have let her.

I have a 16 year old DS. This sounds like typical teen boundary testing. I would be very hard on the lying here.

1. Confiscate the lap-top for a set period.

1. Make her buy her own camera.

If it were me I would take her off Facebook but I am super-tough!

Lying is a real no-no in my book.

There's a time for talking and a time to lay down the law. I think teens need both.

And try putting a lock on your bedroom door, take the key with you when you are out. If she can't be trusted to stay out of your things, don't trust her. Lock her out.

I have emailed you xx

As the mother of a sometime thieving teen, I actually think that they have no understanding that what is yours is not also theirs iyswim.
I have disciplined ds, he's been grounded, he's paid back for things he's taken etc and although he no longer steals money, equipment etc, he still thinks he has a divine right to help himself to things that I've told him he's not to have without asking first.
I think the best you can do is hand out a punishment, calmly is best, tell them your disappointed in them and leave it at that, until the next time.
If it's any consolation my brother was the same but he hasn't grown up to be a tea leaf.

Ultimately, I would show her calmly and quietly that you mean what you say. She wouldn't ignore you then. You don't have to be angry or shout. She's 15 - she'll get it.

Would agree with that, ds knows I always mean business if I am not ranting and raving

to the point, tell her you arenot delighted at the thought she lied to you and that she is not to touch your things without asking but that she can borrow once she s okayed it with you.
She s old enough to use one but should have the manners to ask.
Try taking something important of hers and say you havent seen it just to show her how annoying it is.
then have a giggle with her and talk it all over light heartedly . Being a teen her reaction will be ........who know s .....???!!!
Am happy to share most things with my 5 teenagers so long as they share theirs and understand sometimes its inconvenient.
Like the time my straighteners walked off just before my partners xmas do!so i borrowed her gold shoes well i did nt know she wanted to wear them ??? she has nt borrowed anything since xmas!

I've had a chat with her, she says she's sorry but then keeps changing the subject, telling me all her friends are given unlimited money and lifts everywhere by their parents and how terrible it is for her cos she can't keep up with them.

I said unless I can get unlimited money there's no chance of you having it - ridiculous - and nine times out of ten she gets what she asks for anyway AND it's nothing to do with the issue of the camera. My how she kept changing the subject. Why can't her friends come round (she's never asked before) why can't she have a movie night in her room? (er - I've been recovering from cancer but soon) no that's no good because our presence in the house will ruin it all

I think she was very embarrassed and uncomfortable and unable to account for herself. And I still have no idea what I should do about any of this. I hate dishing out punishments, don't want to ground her or take anything away, don't think it will change anything anyway.

Get her to pay to repair the camera, if it cant be repaired she can just use her new camera money to replace the one she broke. It's only fair.
And I would do this with both my girls (altho OK they're nowhere near their teens yet).

avoiding admitting she was wrong is a teenage trait i reckon its always turned around. Apparently my sixteen year old son is the only one of all his friends who has to be in at a certain time??I think not.
I am the only not normal parent??Oh really.
Don t read too much into her words she s pushing to see how far she can go to get what she wants.
I am sorry you have been unwell but i am wondering if she s angry that you had cancer. Can t express herself and so is kind of gobbing off at you because she does nt know how to tell you she was or is scared. Know it sounds daft as a lot of it just sounds like teen monster behaviour but perhaps deep down she s been very scared seeing you poorly.
My house is called the house of teenage tearways ( like tiny tearaways ) but all the kids are good kids and we have so far managed the few blips like stealing,lying,getting drunk,trying cannabis,curfews,grounding,mobile confiscation and computer confiscation .some to mention.
They have all individually really not liked us at times but i always tell them even when i am livid I will always love them but i will not always like them!!!
If you were feeling stronger you would probably handle it just the same but not worry so much about it .
Have some you time ,some all about you time and let her know no matter how far shes tries to push you you will always be there standing strong and not taking her nonsense.

Good luck