Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

10% gratuity added to bill

739 replies

Byz · 24/10/2022 14:19

AIBU to be annoyed by a 10% gratuity charge being automatically added to my bill at a restaurant?

Seafood restaurant in the North East, a little town, not a city.

For four of us our bill came to about £230 and a £23 tip was automatically added to the bill. It did state at the bottom of the menu an optional charge would be added but they didn't ask me before actually adding it.
When the waitress brought the bill over she reminded us about the gratuity and said she would remove it if we prefer but I think I should have been asked if I wanted it adding in the first place. It was quite embarrassing to ask for it to be removed. She was polite about it but did seem a bit surprised.

Food was good, service was good and I would have left £10 but it soured the evening a bit so I left nothing. I don't think tips should be expected in this country.

OP posts:
Worriedddd · 25/10/2022 13:56

Guess that's why I'm having little problems with the COL crisis because I don't tip just about everyone just my hairdresser, cleaner and small amounts elsewhere. Take care of the pennies and the pounds look after themselves. To be honest I would pay a 10 percent service charge but if the restaurant was shite I just wouldn't go back. I have no issues being seen as tight.

OriginalUsername3 · 25/10/2022 13:58

We had 15% added to ours. Bloody ridiculous I think. It feels so rude to ask the waitress to remove it and I'd never tip that much.

ShouldIdo · 25/10/2022 13:59

The story changed too much over a few hours to think that OP is anything other than tight and then trying to justify it.

14:19:- Food was good, service was good and I would have left £10

15:08:- She was a good waitress, quite attentive and did look after us but we weren't a demanding table and for £23 I would have expected a bit more

16:44:- We saw her at the bar, doing that stupid fancy shaking thing, messing about with the bartender, so definitely her fault. It was only 4 espresso martinis, waited about 15 minutes for them.

17:51:- I started thinking about all the ways she could have earned the 10% and it made me realise that she made too many mistakes and wasn't actually that good.

In three hours (after OP had been told yabu), the service went from good to actually it wasn't, I think the "she did that fancy shaking thing" was particularly nasty and uncalled for comment.

OneTC · 25/10/2022 14:03

Did all the people who claim that tipping is a recently imported concept from America have really tight parents by any chance? Cos where did anyone get the idea that it's recent? My 90 year old Scottish mum says it was standard practice when she was young. Also pretty standard to tip a small amount in cafes

Notadramallama · 25/10/2022 14:05

I went for a meal with three friends. The service was terrible. So terrible that without us saying anything they took the cost of our desserts off the bill - then added the service charge!

We didn't pay it.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 25/10/2022 14:21

You sound rude, mean and pedantic.

Who was that to - and why?

It's on the menu. It says a tip will be added to your final bill. Don't want to pay that? Fine, eat elsewhere.

But why do they call it a tip when it isn't? And the discussion has expanded to all restaurants where tipping appears to be expected, not just the ones that tell you how much 'tip' they're going to take from you, unless you go through the extreme awkwardness of declining.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 25/10/2022 14:30

OneTC · 25/10/2022 10:35

lot of people here seem to be unable to distinguish between personal one on one service and someone who just happens to be employed by a company to provide an none personal service.

They're able to distinguish they just want to obfuscate their real motive

If it’s all about tipping someone who has provided personalised one to one service, then why are so many people agreeing it’s ok for the restaurant to take the tips and share it out amongst everyone?

Restaurants can’t have it both ways.

Gloryofthe80s · 25/10/2022 14:36

ClocksGoingBackwards · 25/10/2022 14:30

If it’s all about tipping someone who has provided personalised one to one service, then why are so many people agreeing it’s ok for the restaurant to take the tips and share it out amongst everyone?

Restaurants can’t have it both ways.

It takes a team of people to get the food and restaurant ready for you to be able to get one one one service. How is that the restaurant having it both ways?

Redup · 25/10/2022 14:40

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 24/10/2022 20:06

I get so annoyed when customers are the ones penalised for questioning tips when low wages and insecure work are the biggest problem facing service staff and that is an employers responsibility. Customers pay for the food, drinks and those prices ought to be enough for owners to to also cover wages of staff, if it doesn’t then their business model is failing.

I absolutely agree with you there.

Of course, I would never advocate being rude to the serving staff or blaming them for the policies of their employers that they're forced to be the public face of.

However, I'd love some of the people on this thread who are calling people 'tight' - even those of us who would be very happy to pay the full price that the business is wanting/expecting, but would just like to be given an inclusive price upfront - to explain exactly WHY they believe a tipping culture is a good thing in restaurants, when it isn't in almost all other NMW jobs. Not just to shout "Because it's tradition/customary" - because we have loads of traditions that haven't been maintained in modern times.

The tradition stems from putting the different classes in their place and forcing the working classes to rely on the arbitrary charity of the wealthy. NMW, although not amazing, was brought in specifically to entitle people to be paid a baseline amount and not to have to rely on altruism or charity for a living.

Anybody who has ever said "Why does XXX even have to be a charity and rely on public donations to do XXX essential work when it should be centrally funded by the government?" but who nevertheless actively wants to preserve the custom of tipping - not just as an occasional possibility for somebody to show gratitude for outstanding service but following the '10/15/20% is the accepted norm' line - I would ask how they square that manner of thinking.

If you want to campaign for a higher NMW across the board - or even just for restaurant staff, if they are your primary concern - then by all means go for it; but why is somebody a 'tightwad' for even questioning why they should have to pay the stated price of something and then be expected to pay another price on top of it in a restaurant?

Nobody says that if you only have £50 available, then you 'can't afford' £50-worth of shopping from Tesco, because you should somehow expect something priced at £50 to cost you £55 or £60.

I usually tip when I go to a restaurant, as I realise that it's customary, but I do not like this custom in the least. It's awkward and condescending if you do it, but because it's so ingrained, sends ambiguous messages if you don't. I am NOT looking to pay less, but I would really love it if restaurants would raise their prices accordingly and then make it abundantly clear that the stated price is an all-in price and is the total of what you pay - so you should settle your bill as given and pay not a penny more. Most other businesses can manage to do this - even other service/hospitality-based ones such as pubs and hotels - so why do we cling to this archaic, patronising, anti-egalitarian practice for restaurants?

You've said it so much better than I could have but I totally agree.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 25/10/2022 14:41

Because you’ve already paid for food to be cooked as well as whatever they put on for overheads in the price of the meal.

If they think back of house staff should be paid more then they should pay them more, not subsidise their wage with tips that are supposed to have been earned based on the service the waiter/waitress provided.

MillennialFalconer · 25/10/2022 14:45

@Worriedddd I don't have a cleaner or a carer, but if I did, yes I would tip - assuming they're via an agency (multitude of reasons, but let's assume the agency is taking a hefty cut of their rate). If they're independent and I'm dealing with them directly, then probably not, because they're setting their own rates.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 25/10/2022 15:05

Carers, like health care assistants or teaching assistants, aren’t usually allowed to accept tips. Their employers tell them not to because it’s unethical. Unlike restaurants who tell their clients they either have to tip exactly the amount they are told or go through the palaver of having this extra charge taken off.

You really can’t compare restaurant servers to carers. And cleaners usually earn more ph than minimum wage.

reigatecastle · 25/10/2022 15:10

Devoutspoken · 25/10/2022 12:54

Does the op tip anyone anywhere ever? Tipping is random, i must admit I'm not a big fan of tipping black cab drivers and hairdressers, both are so expensive, but I still do, cos I can't help myself

I didn't even know that tipping hairdressers was a thing until I joined MN.

With a taxi, I'll usually round up, so if it's eg £8.50 I'll round up to £10. If it costs £10, that's what they get, they win some, they lose some.

Conkersareback · 25/10/2022 17:31

ShouldIdo · 25/10/2022 13:59

The story changed too much over a few hours to think that OP is anything other than tight and then trying to justify it.

14:19:- Food was good, service was good and I would have left £10

15:08:- She was a good waitress, quite attentive and did look after us but we weren't a demanding table and for £23 I would have expected a bit more

16:44:- We saw her at the bar, doing that stupid fancy shaking thing, messing about with the bartender, so definitely her fault. It was only 4 espresso martinis, waited about 15 minutes for them.

17:51:- I started thinking about all the ways she could have earned the 10% and it made me realise that she made too many mistakes and wasn't actually that good.

In three hours (after OP had been told yabu), the service went from good to actually it wasn't, I think the "she did that fancy shaking thing" was particularly nasty and uncalled for comment.

This!

sentientpuddle · 25/10/2022 18:13

Why should some staff on a low wage be given a tip for doing the job they are paid for and others not? If you went into a clothes shop and spent £200, would you give £20 to the cashier? If you go to your local swimming centre do you slip the cleaner a quid for mopping the floor?

Does a cashier in a shop spend an hour, two hours, maybe more, attending to your needs? Providing personalised service? Recommending & possibly tailoring items for your consumption? Communicating with other departments (in the case of waiting staff - bar/kitchen/management) to ensure you have the best possible experience? Sort out problems? Take the flack when issues do arise? Chat to you if that's what you want? Take pictures of your party even though they have 10 other tables to tend to? Order a taxi for you when you're ready to leave? Recommend where to go next? Ultimately making a contribution to your enjoyment of your lunch or your night out? All the while making everything seem smooth & effortless, whilst doing the same for however many other tables/customers they need to take care of in the space of their shift, for hours on end, on their feet, with a half hour break (may be paid or unpaid / food may or may not be provided at a staff rate).
No matter what you think about a service charge, at the end of the day it's discretionary. If you don't like it, ask for it to be removed.

Don’t forget that how tips are dealt with is very much ‘in house’ and the system isn’t regulated. Each outlet you go to can decide tips policy for itself. I would boycott a bar/restaurant where the management kept the tips and gave a small % to staff, & it's a common practice. Sometimes the individual server keeps most of what they make in their section and ‘tips out’ a % to bar, kitchen porter etc. Sometimes the tips are pooled and an hourly rate is calculated & divvied out according to your hours worked (the fairest system i.m.o.)

For what it's worth, I worked in hospitality for many years. Tips were a nice bonus, but never taken for granted. In my early 20s my work mates & I treated it as beer money. Sometimes you made enough for a taxi home, sometimes - like at xmas - enough to match your weekly wage (many years ago & v.low NMW). You’d be daft to rely on tips to make a meaningful contribution to your lifestyle, but sometimes it could help until payday rolled around.

Ultimately, I would defy anyone to work a Christmas period in hospitality and then turn around and say that tips aren’t hard earned. There are those of us hoary old hospitality veterans who say that a yearlong service, to include an xmas service, should be compulsory for everyone, like army service is in some countries. If only to teach people how to treat their fellow humans with a bit of respect and courtesy.

Thank goodness we don’t have a system like the U.S. whereupon tips are required to make up low wages.
The history and origins of tipping are actually very interesting. There are links to shady and shitty employment practices in the U.S. and associated lack of rights affecting young black women in particular. They were typically poorly educated and unskilled and were exploited by employers in the service industries. BBC Radio 4 did a documentary (?) on it a few years ago. It may still be on the iPlayer.

Look at cultural differences too. Before you go on holiday, do you not find out if tipping is customary in the country you’re going to, and then act accordingly?
Does anyone remember a t.v. ad from a number of years ago (could have been for a global bank like HSBC or summat) that used tipping customs in various countries (obligatory in U.S., frowned upon in The Netherlands etc.) to highlight the importance of communication and ‘getting it right’ when talking moolah?

sentientpuddle · 25/10/2022 18:40

Also as if that wasn't long enough, for those saying
£23 is a HUGE tip,

1: do you really think £23 is going into the waiting staff's pocket?

2: it's not huge when it's split between bar/kitchen/management

3: it's 10% of the bill which is pretty standard
(I remember 12.5% when I visited Covent Garden 22 years ago)

Brigante9 · 25/10/2022 18:49

You were mean, OP, to not leave any tip on a £230 bill, really mean. Should the waitress be a silent robot? 10% is standard, surely you know this?

LadyApplejack · 25/10/2022 18:55

I don't think it's always necessary to tip in the UK for any service but I eat out a lot and usually happy to tip 10-20% unless something is very poor.

You must have some rhino hyde, OP. To actively get a standard service charge removed from such a big bill, and then leave nothing for a hardworking waitress. And then tell everyone on here!

MagnoliaXYZ · 25/10/2022 19:21

YANBU OP. Why should businesses have the audicty to add an extra charge? - the business had already decided that your £230 bill covered the food, related costs including staffing with enough to make the owners a profit. The waiting staff are already paid to work there. They earn minimum wage but so do many other employees. I don't tip and am not embarrassed by that fact.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 25/10/2022 19:22

I've still not heard any actual compelling reasons as to why we should have tipping - the only reason seems to be "You have to tip because you have to tip".

healthadvice123 · 25/10/2022 19:29

Its becoming standard and I hate it , i expect good service as a customer , I don't walk in expecting less
I don't tip tesco staff etc and I'm happy to leave a tip but what I want
Tipping comes from america where it was because they never had a NMW , we do have NMW so tips should be at customer discretion

healthadvice123 · 25/10/2022 19:32

@BigChesterDraws the waitress was doing her job
Do you tip the person on their toes all day stacking the shelves, or the nurse running around a ward, or a barmen working on his feet all night
Im happy to tip in a restaurant but what I choose
If a waitress serves 10 tables who all leave a £5 cash tip then they haven't done bad on top of their wages

Conkersareback · 25/10/2022 19:37

healthadvice123 · 25/10/2022 19:32

@BigChesterDraws the waitress was doing her job
Do you tip the person on their toes all day stacking the shelves, or the nurse running around a ward, or a barmen working on his feet all night
Im happy to tip in a restaurant but what I choose
If a waitress serves 10 tables who all leave a £5 cash tip then they haven't done bad on top of their wages

It often gets split a o gay all the staff. Chefs, bar, waiting, cleaners. That's been explained numerous times on this thread. 🙄

OneTC · 25/10/2022 19:57

I've still not heard any actual compelling reasons as to why we should have tipping - the only reason seems to be "You have to tip because you have to tip".

Because we'd like to reward people for good service and give a nod to their part in our party having a good time.

OneTC · 25/10/2022 20:06

TW: I leave a cash tip in addition to the optional surcharge Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread