Is anyone the parent of a child with asd and not seeking a diagnosis?

[coodawoodashooda]

Not looking for a bun fight. Just trying to sort out my thinking. Anyone with any of their own insight that they'd be willing to share?

>>Fucking hell. Like seriously? What is this shit?<<

You're asking opinions, and now swearing at my real life experience of it.
Even if you don't like it, it's true. Many autistic people are naturally what people see as rude, as we don't understand feelings of others and then we become depressed at not knowing how to fit into society.

Having social skills explained to me helped me a lot for my future. I'm trying to explain my problems growing up and looking back what helped me, but if you're going to swear at me then I won't bother. Goodbye.

Is there a way to block idiots on mumnet if they do things like swear at you with no helpful feedback?

@LilyPAnderson I imagine a few people may be wanting to block you after your comments! It seems all your intensive social schooling didn’t work so well!

@HelloDoggy I'm an ex-professional sports-person lately diagnosed with ADHD, not getting your son diagnosed is storing up a whole world of hurt, addiction, and pain. The very same neurological differences that drive someone to be better than everyone else, to hyper-focus, to push through very damaging pain, can destroy them.

Your attitude will destroy your son.

@LilyPAnderson try reading again. I haven’t sworn at you once

Christ 😂😂😂😂 I sent you one reply and look at the response. I don’t think you should be on here.

Depends on the assessor and the specific circumstances, but remember you don’t need to prove the diagnosis, only the impairments.

Why does having a diagnosis have to mean excuses for bad behaviour are made?

You can't block people on MN. It might be annoting at times but is much better than the alternative of only allowing yourself to hear views you agree with until you think that is the only accepted view.

Every child has to learn social skills. Some children pick it up more intuitively than others who need explicit teaching. Most social skills are about allowing people to rub along together reasonably well. Social skills include learning to stand up for yourself, recognising bullying and neither being a bully or accepting being a victim of one. And also recognising what is not bully (eg people challenging your ideas). To learn when people may be trying to exploit you. As well as how to behave in formal situations like a job interview. Autistic child definitely need to be taught these skills.

Your son is 10. Every part of his life is scaffolded right now. If he does indeed have ASD and ADHD things will get more and more challenging as he gets older and more independent. There's a huge difference between primary and secondary in terms of planning, organisation etc. Then college, uni, work. Sport is not going to get him through all that.
I speak as someone who was diagnosed with ADHD in my 40s. I spent my whole adult life not understanding why I couldn't function in the way that others could. I'm intelligent, I'm interested, I look completely "normal". I can pinpoint when things started to feel tricky, towards the end of my A Levels, but I pulled it back. I almost gave up at university but I dragged myself through and wore myself out. I have a professional career, but my mental health is shot because I have to run at 100mph to keep up with everyone else who just goes at a sedate 30mph and gets everything done.
I have only managed to reach the level I'm now at because I finally have a diagnosis so am protected under the EA and have reasonable adjustments (and a very understanding manager). But I have in no way met my potential, both professionally or personally, because for most of my life I've been swimming in mud.
Medication can by life changing for ADHD.
Do you want to deny your son all this? For what reason? It's just down right cruel.

Thanks, I just don't understand how I prove it? If I've never told any health care professional will the first one I tell believe me.

I'm glad DS has his diagnosis. He's of the "high function" type that copes and masks, and most people wouldn't "see" it. But that is a cost on his emotions and energy. At 11, he's managed so far, but as he develops and society's expectations of him change at different rates he may need additional support and that diagnosis is a stepping stone for getting it. It took 15m from referral to diagnosis and fortunately it was a phase where no trauma was created. If he suddenly struggles in the teen years, the stakes of damage during 2 year waits for diagnosis are high.

I've taught or worked with kids that are displaying textbook neurodiverse difficulties/ behaviours without diagnosis, and parents that at best are not interested in that route and it obstructs being able to support appropriately. It can mean things like following standard behaviour policy rather than a more appropriate reasonable adaption that would defuse an issue.

DS would stand out anyway. His dyslexia and dyspraxia diagnoses protect him from labels like "careless" or "lazy". If he makes a social faux-pas, it's better to be "autistic" and have someone explain the nuance of the situation and ways to manage it differently, rather than being "rude".

Neurodiversity often runs in families. It can be culturally normal through the family which can cause huge blindspots in wanting to see the issue and seek diagnosis. DH doesn't "see" DS's neurodiversity in the same way that I do. To some extent he sees a repeat of his brothers and other relations... a nephew is diagnosed too...

As a physical health comparison, it's better to know you have high blood pressure and manage it, maybe through lifestyle, maybe through medication than to ignore the signs and suddenly have to deal with an accute health situation.

You don’t have to prove the diagnosis, so don’t necessarily need a HCP to believe you have a diagnosis without paperwork to prove it. (Although it’s worth asking your GP if they would accept you have a diagnosis without the paperwork as you won’t know if you don’t ask.) You only need to prove the impairment(s), which must be present in order to meet the criteria for diagnosis. How you could prove the impairments depends on what the impairment is and you/your specific circumstances. It might be worth speaking to somewhere like citizens advice to advice specific to your situation.

I have only managed to reach the level I'm now at because I finally have a diagnosis so am protected under the EA

You don’t need a diagnosis to be covered under the Equality Act.

With the best will in the world, CAB are not going to be able to help the poster prove she has an impairment.

CAB themselves won’t be able to prove the impairment, but the poster will be able to discuss her specific circumstances with them and they may be able to suggest what she can use as evidence to prove an impairment. They advised an acquaintance of mine on how to prove to work they needed reasonable adjustments due to a physical impairment. I have provided several examples of evidence she could use, but without knowing the specific circumstances and the specific impairment it’s impossible to say exactly what will work for her so going to someone she could explain her circumstances in more detail to could help.

@ParrotPoppy
Thanks for the advice. It's difficult as I don't see any health professionals, I've only ever asked for help when desperate, no health issues. There will be nothing on paper unless my masking didn't work and something was picked up on. Just now not coping too well.

You've only quoted part of my sentence there. My occupational health report most definitely states that I have a disability that comes under the protection of the EA.
The problem is the issues caused by ND conditions can appear to be due to laziness, poor organisational skills etc. I've left roles before because I simply couldn't manage them, I couldn't keep up. I had no idea why, so I couldn't ask for help. Or any help I was offered didn't address the core issues. For example, there is a key part of my role in my current position that involves a huge amount of multitasking. I cannot do it. No matter of training or strategies will support me to do it, I could try but I'd do it poorly and it would be incredibly stressful. I am able to demonstrate through an explanation of my disability why I cannot do it. So instead I do an alternative task that is as meaningful.
I can absolutely tell you from experience that a diagnosis goes a long long way to helping you access support.

I know I have only quoted part of your sentence. The other part of your sentence was and have reasonable adjustments (and a very understanding manager) which wasn’t relevant to the point I was making which is why I didn’t quote it all. It makes it sound like you are only protected because of the diagnosis, which isn’t the case, hence why I posted.

You sound nice

I'm sorry, I didn't mean it how you perceived it. I was just stating he's a lovely boy. Which he is. With or without a diagnosis. What I was trying to say is that I appreciate him as he is and don't feel it would be helpful for him to have a diagnosis. That's just my view as a parent.

That's not very nice! The OP asked if anyone has a child who may have ASC and isn't seeking a diagnosis. I'm that parent and have just explained my reasoning. I'm entitled to my opinion. I'm neither thick nor goady.

'God help her son' - that's a pretty goady and unpleasant thing to say. I love my son and am trying my best to bring him up the way I feel is best for him. Other people are also doing the same, just differently. No need for the hostility.