Kids parties and uninvited siblings....

[jellies]

Ok I'm cleansing my soul of something I know I need to let go of..
I'd managed to avoid children's birthday parties until my eldest started pre school by which time I'd had another 15 months later and was pregnant with no 3.. Hubby was working away and I had to bring DS 2 or not go (just party in village hall) so rang the host family.. got through to Dad, who said 'no don't worry the more the merrier'.. should have spoken to the Mum...
Got to the party the Mum obviously had no idea he was coming... Fast asleep and in the buggy, only 2 y. 'I'm sorry' I say 'I did explain this to your hubby'... they then proceed to have a little squabble in the kitchen about it!.. really want to leave but DS1 is having such a good time I know he'll make a scene.. DS2 wakes up just in time for the food where the couple argue as she clearly doesn't want DS2 to sit at the table.. so I carry him outside let DS1 eat, cry my heart out and come back in when the food bit is over.. She then gets really stroppy when her DH gives the little crasher a party bag when we leave.. I left both of them at the door... and have never taken either of them to a party since!!
My son is about to have his first ever party with friends (siblings welcome! ) and I need to let this go!!!! Its been 2 years fgs!

It's a real minefield imo.

I have a close friend with 2 dcs close in age. When the little one was born she used to get really offended if
her dd wasn't invited when the slightly older brother was invited to a party.

However, I now have 2 children and it dawned on me that she hasn't invited my baby to her ds's party. However I strongly feel that life is too short and I would never take this up with her, and am not bothered really. Fortunately the timing allows my little dd to stay home with her dad.

As someone mentioned, sometimes it's unavoidable to bring a sibling (or the only way round it is for the "invited" child not to attend which is just )

On the other hand, if you are booked into a soft play or similar extra children cost more of course - but most parents probably would realise this too and unless they were very cheeky wouldn't take advantage by bringing extra children without warning.

If you have a party at home/church hall or similar I think it is nice to offer the parents a little something - e.g. cup of tea/glass of nice juice. I also bought a couple of boxes of M&S biscuits for the adults. At a soft play I don't cater for them - I once hosted a joint party with my friend. She happens to be from Germany and she was quite that the parents wouldn't expect us to buy their drinks and snacks at the cafe in the soft play centre. (Obviously we paid for the childrens' tea).

Message withdrawn

mistressmiggins and jellies, you both sound really kind. I think that it is only kind for the host parent to think about things a little bit and make it easy for parents with more than on dc to bring siblings if they might need to...After all we are talking about our dc's friends (and in some cases the parents are our friends too).

Jellies, my dd (just 4) had a fab time helping to organise her party, it was lovely to hear about your ds enjoying it too. In some ways the build up was almost as good as the party. Even something small like choosing the sandwich fillings was so exciting for her! Hope the party goes really well.

Oh don't forget to get a bottle of wine and/or chocolate for afterwards - you will need it

at the woman described in the op. and for her poor husband.

but anyway, hobnob, no-one expects you to pay for extras at a playbarn type party do they? I went to one a few weeks ago and lots of people paid in additional children (and the additional children didn't eat - they didn't mind)

It is a minefield.

That woman was a cow, not all are like that.

I had a bizarre experience. A woman I know, moved out of London to a nearby town, 1 1/2 hour drive away. I get an invitation for the oldest. I ring to say yes, and I tell her I will bring my youngest as my husband is away (she knew this prior to invite), as I am sure I will find somewhere to entertain him outside the party. She tells me that would not be possible, as there is nowhere, it is outside the village centre, it is a soft play, but she does not want any of the parents around, and even if we are outside, my youngest might cry and ruin the party. "Ok, so we wont be there says I, no problem I have not told my son about the party yet." OH what a shame she says. And I think, wtf, why did she invite my son then when clearly she does not want me nearby and most certainly not my youngest, and not even OUTSIDE the venue?? Then she has the tenacity to POST my son a party bag even if she KNEW he did not know about the party. I thought she was an utter bitch in this thoughtless behaviour and have not spoken to her since.

Sadly it seems that when it comes to childrens parties, people exhibits the strangest behaviour!

Party bag might have been because she only had enough to go round which would have left another child without which I could understand as an issue. If I had to take a younger sibling I would have bought something along for my child so it was not left out. I don't think you should have allowed your 2yo to take a party bag.

QuintessentialShadow That is bizzare.. what is up with people??

OMG, am hosting dd's first proper birthday party on Saturday and hadn't realised what a minefield it was! I have, however, invited siblings, since most of the parents are our friends too. And it's at home, so there isn't the problem of extra costs.
Anyone got any good games to suggest for 8 children raning in age from 18 months-10 years??

ranging

Poledra I always do a pass the parcel. You might also consider a basic art and craft type table for the slightly older children as they may get bored with some of the more "babyish" games.

Musical bumps is very simple as well and helps them burn off some energy - n.b. avoid this directly after the food. At the age of 4 I was sick on a friend's parents' new carpet at her party. (why in the world you would get a new carpet and then have a party for your pre-school child could be a whole new thread...)

The trouble is that some parents are very uptight about this and others are totally laid back. Dh gets very confused by this! Because I work Saturdays he often has to do the "party run" and one week ds2 was invited to a party, the second week ds1 was invited to a different one.
So the first week, he left ds1 at home ( it was only a few doors up, btw!) and dropped ds2 in. When he did, the parents said "Oh, why didn't you bring ds1?" and gave him a party bag for both boys when ds2 was leaving.
The second week, he assumed that the other mum would expect ds2 to come to the other party, so brought him too, only to hear the Mum complaining about him to her friend saying "And he dumped the bloody kid on me!"
Personally I think the more laid back attitude is better and I usually find that for each uninvited child, an invited child doesn't turn up anyway!

I have always tried to only take one child to a party, when on a few occasions I havent been able to leave the youngest one at home I have taken a packed lunch for them and did not expect a party bag. On all occasions that I have been they have been welcome and were allowed to join in with the party and eat the party food.

The thing I hate is when people cant be bothered to reply to an RSVP, my daughters birthday is slap bang in the middle of the summer holidays so I tend to give the invitations out before the holiday starts and the amount that dont bother replying and you never know if they are coming or not, and because I am soft I end up catering for them. Because its the middle of the holidays you cant ask the mums in the playground in the morning.

I can understand it from the point of view of the host - my ds is having quite a big party for his 5th birthday and if lots of siblings come too it will cause all sorts of problems with catering, face painting (she can only do so many in time allowed), party bags etc. But I hope I would never be as rude as the woman you had to deal with, jellies!

i think if you know you will have sibling wit you, it is only polite to inform the parents. that way they can decide. i often found they would organise dc to be picked up, rather thanhave sibling come along. or they would invite sibling and giv eparty bag too.

Ahh but I did ring and was told it was ok.. I was not so much making a point as putting it out there and letting it go!