where has this attitude come from that it is *terrible* for another parent to touch your child?

[Twiglett]

either to lift them up

or to gently admonish them

we used to live in a society where we all helped each other out

I am lucky that I have had my children in an area where we all help each other out and have no qualms in gently admonishing behaviour that is unacceptable if the parent does not seem to be around

if another adult was talking gently to my child, or correcting my child or moving them out of the way .. I wouldn't take umbrage ..I'd be rather grateful

(and no I am not talking about situations where mad people swing in .. but other parents)

you see it on here a lot the 'I'd be livid how dare they touch / talk to your child'

I don't get it

and it saddens me

Yesterday, whilst leaving toddlers with my ds, the front door goes straight onto a busy road. As I went throgh the door, and 3 yr old boy tried to run in front of me, onto the road, and to stop him, I grabbed his arm, but also smacked him in the face whist doing so! Completely by accident of course, it was just a quick reaction to stop the boy, infact, it was more of a tap, but stopped the boy! If the mother had said anything to me about that, Id have been very up upset tbh, as I was trying to stop him being run over.
Its always a shock for children when a stranger touches them - my ds would stand there gobsmacked for a few minutes I think if a stranger smacked him in the face!

UC- I know, I berate myself for it and dc was confused. I would tell her afterwards that it was wrong but to be honest I didn't know how to approach it

OrmIrian - I posted on here what happened to me. I thought OliveOils reply about not wanting someone to tell her child off was in reply to my post

have never really encountered this

if an adult smakced my child, then i;d have something to say about it

but a cuddle, a squeeze, a stroke of her mad curly hair.. knock yourself out !

how else will children ever know about what is appropriate touching or not, if they learn all touching from other people is wrong?

the threads i really detest are the

'a man looked at my child in the park do you think he is a peado?'

the thread where someone was outraged a man had been pulling faces at her child and making her laugh was just bonkers

I think it's sad that we are so wary of physical contact with other people's children.

I was in town once, the centre is pedestrianised, and saw a little girl of maybe 2 or 3 crying, alone. She had obviously lost her mum or dad. I looked around and couldn't see anyone so moved towards her. At the same time an older man moved towards her to comfort her but when he saw me coming he asked if she was mine.

When I said no he said that he was going to hold her hand and take her to the police station but it would probably be better for me to do it than him, as he might get in trouble. I thought it was terribly sad that he had to think like that, after his initial reaction was to comfort her and lead her to safety.

I think it's probably a combination of paranoia that all strangers are harmful, and perception that anyone who intervenes with your child is somehow criticising your parenting that makes it so taboo.

At one of the P&T groups we go to, almost everyone touches all the kids at some point ie holds their hands when playing ringaroses, helps them walk across the balance beam or picks them up to move them or cuddle them if they are upset - this may be because it's quite a small group and (I think this is quite important) the DC are familiar with all the other adults and will often seek out someone who is not their parent or carer for a helping hand or a cuddle. Babies and toddlers do have ideas of their own and, while I despise the sort of tabloid-reading idiots who think there's a peedofil in every flowerpot, I also don't think much of folk who, however well-meaning they are, tickle kids under the chin or pat their heads when the kids are clearly not keen (withdrawing, wriggling, howling or whatever).

At a toddler group I used to go to a there was this lady who was quite strange. There were two rooms and she left her 12 month old and 2.5 year old in the other room for about 20mins will she was gossiping. Anyway her Ds fell over and really hurt himself and was crying asking for his mum.I picked him and took him to his mum and she just gave me a dirty look and commented to someone else about what I had done. WELL IF YOU BLARDY WATCHED YOUR OWN KIDS I WOULDN'T HAVE TO. I would never leave a baby to cry.

And people wonder why some teens have this "you can't tell me what to do" attitude. They know all about their "rights" but not about social and moral responsibility.

When I was a child, if an adult told me off, they'd tell my parents and I got a telling off too! Mind you, people knew their neighbours, there was more of a community spirit, I s'pose. So people are more isolationist and don't want strangers telling off their children as they see it as an affront to their parenting.

People are too precious about their little ones being scolded IMO.

To get back to the OP, I remember being at a gymnastics competition with DD1. I was heavily PG at the time, and there was a man sitting next to me with a gorgeous baby girl on his knee. She kept leaning over to me and reaching out with her little chubby hand, so I tickled it with my fingertips and smiled at her. He snatched her away onto his other knee, pulled out a hanky and wiped her hand with it. I felt like a leper! Some people are just weird.

I think the whole don't have any contact with my child attitude that has been growing over the last 20 years!! is a big part of the reason why kids have become out of control and people are becomming more irresponsible generally.

It used to be that if you saw a child doing something, you would step in.

It takes a village to raise a child

As the saying goes.

Instead, you can't do or say anything, or look at the bloody child! So kids get away with murder - sometimes literally.

It is part of the problem, I'm not saying it's the whole problem, or even most of the problem - maybe it's actually a symptom of the problem.

Kids used to listen to and respect adults. Adults used to guide children.

Now kids hurl abuse at adults and the parents of the kids who do this, turn on the other adult who they claim has no right to interact with their child in any way, even if that's just begging them to stop trying to kill the cat.

And of course, if you are male and acknowledge a child, you are a pervert.

A million right, no responsibilities and lawsuits flying everywhere.

Civilisations rise, have a golden period, stagnate, decline and descend into barbarism before disappearing. I think we are heading down the hill.

i use to pick children up if they fell, and wouldnt mind if someone helped my child but all too often now you get an angry mother running over , one literally yanked me off her child, that sadly i dont do it anymore.

Nothing would stop me picking up a hurt child even if one mum out of 10 was stupid enough to be annoyed with me. It's easy enough to say "oh grow up we're not all peodos" if they seem angry.

Surely helping a hurt child comes first

"Mum came over and told me she was more than capable of 'telling her own son off'"

... which is normally a sure-fire indication that she isn't!

"Mum came over and told me she was more than capable of 'telling her own son off'"

... which is normally a sure-fire indication that she isn't!

the thing is its not one in ten.yes helping a child who is hurt is important, but if parents are in vicinity i dont rush over

I (gently but firmly) moved a child at soft play the other week who had physically shoulder-charged DS out of the way of the thing he was playing with so that she could take it off him (later I saw her doing this to several other children, so I think it was a pattern of behaviour). I did ask her where her mummy and daddy were first, admittedly -- if they'd been right there I would have expected them to do something about it.

I've been thinking about this and I have come to the conclusion that it's because we view our children as ours much more than used to be the case. People don't just have children as an inevitable consequence of sex/marriage, but a choice (I hesitate to say lifestyle choice ). We fret about everything to do with them - what they eat, who they play with, what they play with, what they watch and read, whether they read...the list is endless. It's almost as if children are our projects and we have to get it right. And the more 'ours' they are, the less anyone else can have an opinion. The less they are part of a community. So if anyone dares to reprimand a children in anyway the parent takes it as an implied critisism of them and their failure to produce a perfect child.

I think the current trend is very sad too. It is instinct to help a child if they are lost/hurt/upset, and i would have no problem with anyone assisting DS if i wasn't about. We were at the playground one day - a young boy was playing on the climbing frame that DH was helping our DS climb on, and the young lad slipped. DH automatically reached out to grab the boy and prevent him from falling several feet onto the floor. At that point, the boy's father appeared from nowhere and grabbed his son, giving my DH a filthy look, even though he'd prevented a potentially nasty fall! Had that been our son in that situation, i'd have been very grateful.

Its worse for the men. My DP watched a young girl(about 8) fall over in front of him and although he wanted to help he didn't in case they thought he was some sort of perv. She was with her friends who helped her get home but what is the world coming to.

We all teach our children not to talk to strangers and be weary of people that approach. When the parents are there its way over the top to react that way to a stranger IMHO.

Oh I SO AGREE with this thread. I wish the world was like this. I speak to other kids and I have no problem with people speaking (in a "calm mummy" or "teacher-style" voice) to mine to stop them doing something if necessary. I think it is NORMAL. But there is this wierd taboo around it.