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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect replies back for dd's birthday party?

29 replies

canofworms · 21/01/2008 12:31

Dd1 was 7 last friday and had a party yesterday which I said she could invite 15 friends to. I sent out invites 2 weeks in advance, 3 sent "word of mouth" replies back via dd1 which wasn't terribly reliable, 1 didn't reply until 3 hours before the party started and 2 told me they'd come (got it in writing) and then never turned up!

Luckily dd isn't too bothered about it all as I made up they must have been poorly to not turn up and she even took their party bags into school for them.

I'm was cross to start with that she wanted one of the girls who didn't turn up to come to our house for tea on her actual birthday. She wrote her a lovely letter inviting her with our phone number on and every night she came home crying because she hadn't replied (and never came).

(Rant over)

OP posts:
Chequers · 21/01/2008 12:37

Message withdrawn

bossybritches · 21/01/2008 12:40

YANBU- people are SO rude. Mind you it DOES depend on the reliability of the invites geting there!!!

I'm trying to arganise a small pizza tea-party for DD1 who is 13 on Thursday. So far I have had 2 replies via DD out of 6. She designed & printed off the invites herself & was so excited! The two that have replied are nw to me so I'd like to speak to their mums to explain what we're doing & arange a pick up time but I 've no phone numbers!!! grrrr

Original poster
canofworms · 21/01/2008 12:43

BB - it's so frustrating for us isn't it? My dd kept saying why don't I ring her friend but I don't have her number and couldn't catch her at school either.

OP posts:
Furball · 21/01/2008 12:44

old problem I'm afraid. most people say this happens to them. Really rude and really crap as you don't know how much food to provide.

This year I rang everyone who I hadn't heard from as ds wanted to go bowling. 2/3 people said they'd already replied

cornsilk · 21/01/2008 12:44

Are you sure everyone got their invites? I know my ds's have been invited to parties and the invites get lost at school.

Original poster
canofworms · 21/01/2008 12:47

I'm pretty sure they got their invites because the 2 who didn't turn up had actually sent me written confirmation back. There's also another party at the same place next week and the boy's mum said she was still 4 replies short and had put a date to rsvp on the invites as well.

I really don't get why people do this

OP posts:
TurkeyLurkey · 21/01/2008 12:54

This is my pet hate. Last year my daughter had a party straight after school. One parent (who is renowned for saying she'll go to parties and then not turn up). - well I reminded her AS WE CAME OUT OF SCHOOL On THE DAY OF THE PARTY...and guess what!! She didn't up.

I was so cross. In this case had I known she wouldn't come I could have offered the rplace up to someone else (had to keep it low numbers because of cost).

Its just rude and bad manners. Grrrrrrrr!

MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 21/01/2008 13:06

Yes, m pet hate too, but as a veteran on many partied over many years I have just got used to it. I do always now put a date on to rsvp by - but that is always also often ignored...
canofworms, so sorry about your daughter - unbelivebale how rude and ignorant some parents can be to other children.

Kitti · 22/01/2008 13:20

I hate tghis problem every year it's the same and it has me ranting and raving too. Even when you hand out invites personally and people say yes to your face they still don't turn up!! Others claim they forgot on the day and their child was so upset at missing it - they have present and card at home for your child (which never get given) It's bad manners and poeple really need to get their shit together on this one because we can't afford to invite everyone and so some kids get left out and to have people saying yes and then simply not turn up is just terrible and a waste of a space and all your planning/food/party bags etc. The kids don't care on the day but the parents do because we've spent time and money. I only invited 10 to my daughter's 4th party and 3 never showed up - one only apologised because we saw each other at the school 6 weeks later, another never called and the last one (her best friend) who lives a few doors away - don't even get me started!! You're not unreasonable to expect an answer. The worst thing is that I have called people and chased them up several times and I actually get the parents going "erm maybe" a few days before!!! I've also had a parent call to check the time and place 2 hours before the party and then not show up!!! I loathe birthdays!!

lalalonglegs · 22/01/2008 14:06

Went to my dh's godson's fifth bd party a few years ago - not ONE person came because it was a really nice day so their parents decided to take them out elsewhere. It was heartbreaking - he kept saying: "Have I been naughty not to have my party? If I say please can I have my party?" I was so shocked and seething with fury on his behalf.

EHM · 22/01/2008 14:14

how can people be so thoughtless & rude? how would they feel if it was their child? I would make a point of saying something to each parent the next time I saw them just make then realise how thoughtless they had been.

Eliza2 · 22/01/2008 14:53

That is really horrid of those parents, lalalonglegs. How very hurtful.

scottishmummy · 22/01/2008 14:59

what a shame

chrissnow · 22/01/2008 15:00

OMG lalalonglegs. That is beyond rude. That's cruel. I'm heartbroken for him. I always reply (sometimes I have to phone rather than write), i always tell the truth yes or no. I have only ever had to cancel once due to illness and I called to apologise before the party - ok so too late to stop food or replace us as guests, but just manners. I popped round with pressies etc at a later date.

pukkapatch · 22/01/2008 15:04

i never give written replies. and tbh, have always been very good about bringing kids, unless i have specifically said no
except with dc3. i forgot one of her invites. one sh was behaving very badly, so we didnt go. etc.
the parents in my kids school seem to give about six weeks notice. too much i think. as it is often the reaon i have forgotten. or had too much going on with all three kids. etc.

chrissnow · 22/01/2008 16:29

oh I wasn't saying not giving a written reply is rude. I only tend to write 'cus I like writing!!!

RubyRioja · 22/01/2008 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocchipcookie · 22/01/2008 17:34

I have posted or hand delivered about ten invitations to DD's first party. So they all arrived.

That was two weeks ago - I have had one reply (and one person saying they might come. How helpful).

I don't think your experience is untypical. People are just very rude and inconsiderate.

I always over-invite now for everything because of no-shows on the day.

tigerlily1980 · 22/01/2008 20:19

This is a pet hate of mine!! I always reply, and am honest if we can't go. I hate it when parents say they have "forgotten" especially if you have reminded them and they have said they can definitely come!

There are some mums I know that have booked places, and paid for twenty kids to attend a party, and only half have turned up. Luckily there is an indoor soft-play park near us, that you pay half for, and pay the rest at the end of the party and you only get charged for who turns up.

This year, I got 3 reply slips (out of 25) back and one mum told me straight away that she couldn't go. I asked all of the others and got yes's. One parent said she wasn't sure, but would definitely get back to me...she never did and on the day she didn't turn up.

It's a good idea to over-invite. This year, I wanted about 20 to go, so invited 25 and got 23. It is worth reminding people though, some seem to think that if they don't reply you should take it to mean that they can come.

tissy · 22/01/2008 20:29

dd had a party last week and invited all her class and a handful of other friends from her childminders. We had 2 refusals (fair enough), 2 no replies (and didn't turn up), 2 no replies and did turn up (grr) and 2 phoned on the morning of the party, with 1 hour to go to say they were ill.

Never having done a party before I catered for all but the 2 refusals, so there was loads of food left over, and several party bags too many. I sent one bag in to school with dd, for one of the ill children, (as her mother had kindly sent a present in with another child, and I felt bad about that).

The aprty was so much hassle, that even dd, who is only 6, and had a great time, suggested that she doesn't have a party next year, but goes to a show with her best friend!

Shaniece · 22/01/2008 20:34

YANBU it is so rude to not reply. It has happened to my DD.

mistlethrush · 22/01/2008 20:41

We had the same with ds for 2nd bday last year - sent 10 invitations, got two acceptances and a couple of verbal nos - sent another 10 invitations. In the end 3 (out of 20) turned up - which was perfect for a 2nd bday party out in the garden - but still a bit disappointing...

wellsie · 22/01/2008 21:14

I am so relieved to see this posting as when I sent out DS1 birthday invites 4wks in advance and only received 1 reply a week before the party I was starting to worry that perhaps no one liked DS1 In the end I asked nursery to chase the parents for me (twice) and eventually we had 11 children at the party. Unfortunately DS1 was quite poorly with a cough & cold but what with all the chasing I thought we had to go ahead. All the children enjoyed themselves but I think DS1 would rather have curled up on the sofa watching Cbeebies
I explained to one of the mums the trouble I'd had with replies and that there was one child who I'm sure would've come but we hadn't heard a thing. Apparently if the Dad of said child picks up from nursery and collects an invite he doesn't tell the Mum (Ex partner) and so nothing ever happens. What a pig! No matter how much you dislike your Ex surely not communicating about a friends birthday party is so unfair on their child.

EHM · 22/01/2008 21:27

just read out this thread to dh is [shocked] that parents would not consider the feelings of the child/children who's party they have been invited too. so to think of any child sitting waiting for their party to start & no one appears

magicfarawaytree · 22/01/2008 21:36

yanbu - unfortunately some mums are not interested in their children making new friends/ going to partie and see the whole process as a chore. I know a couple of people who are on the whole really nice who have said when they have had invitations that they are not interested/ havent got the time / cant be bothered. especially is they have older children or well established ( closed) friendship groups. its not nice. i remember asking one mum face to fact and she said we would arrange it and I just knew she had no intention of it. its crap.

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