about my daughter's birthday party?

[izzybobsmum]

Our house is small and we are struggling for space as we are decorating etc. So, for dd's 2nd birthday, I simply invited both sets of grandparents over for a sandwich, a piece of cake and a cup of tea.

I didn't invite my bil and sil and their two kids as we'd struggle for space and I wanted to spend the day with my dd, rather than spend all day in the kitchen preparing food and hostessing.

My mil and fil now say that if we don't invite bil and sil, they don't want to come.

For reasons stated above, I am inclined to just accept this, and spend a nice day at home, ourselves and my parents, rather than be blackmailed into inviting people I then have to accommodate (both physically and in terms of dd will eat this but not that, ds will eat this but not that etc...)

So.......AIBU?

I'm prepared.....

i agree with Hassled..perhaps you could even arrange a soft play session with bil and sil as part of the day?

YANBU - your house your rules.

HOWEVER, can I just point out that in the grand scheme of things, having a few extra guests round in a small house for a couple of hours isn't the end of the world. Years ago, we all had our parties at home if my parents tiny council maisonnette and we managed.

You don't have to live in a palace in order to entertain a few guests.

nametaken - it may not be the end of the world but it would spoil the event for the OP and therefore defeat the object of the exercise.

oh the saga of birthday parties!! bless your dds little heart, she is the important one, and its a day for you to remember those precious early days and all that youve accomplished (and been through!!) since she arrived. I know hassle with relatives can permeate through everything and ruin stuff but try not to let it. keep on focusing on your precious dd and her special day. they are adults and can go and sort themselves out. (if any consolation - we have had this for last 3 bdays with my dd. so last year I invited everyone to keep the peace, and squashed them all into our tiny lounge, and our dd got a new bike which we left in the hall - she loved bike so much she spent WHOLE party sat on it in hall!! I stayed with her chatting and anyone who wanted to have photo with her had to prop onto side of bike!!!! )

YANBU - your house, your dd, your rules.

My xp's parents couldn't 'make it' to her 1st birthday tea since they had a committee meeting in the evening to "prepare for" (the prospect of 'winging it' or preparing the night before as most people would have done in their place evidently didn't occur to them ). I think this was pique since I'd invited them round for 4pm .

YAN at all BU. Mainly for the reason you stated about wanting to spend the day with DD and not hostessing about in the kitchen. Can totally relate to that.

My Mum has flatly refused to get to know my in laws so I asked both sets of parents if they would like to hold a small party for DS for his first birthday for each side of the family to come to. I know that probably makes him sound a bit spoilt but he was the first and only grandchild at the time so everyone wanted to see him. In fairness we do live some distance apart from both sides. On hearing that my MIL would be holding a little party for DS my Mum went in to a huge sulk and refused point blank to have one for my side of the family. Obviously her party was to be the only one but the other side of the family would not be included. So petty and obviously not about DS at all even though it was in fact his first ever birthday.

Think your inlaws are being most unreasonable - this of course is what you will remember about your DD birthday. Very selfish.

Viggo! What excuse did your mum give for her behaviour? She surely didn't admit to being as childish as your interpretation of events describes.

Why don't your parents want to get to know your in-laws? I don't know any one else with this problem - seems really strange.

Thank you all for your replies, I certainly feel vindicated! We have explained the situation to bil and sil, and have smiled sweetly to mil and fil and told them it's a shame they don't feel able to come.

We're now having my parents round for roast chicken and cake (not at the same time!), and I feel much more relaxed about the whole thing!

Once again, thanks for all the comments....

good for you Izzyb, I cant believe how badly your outlaws are behaving. Hope your dd has a fantastic birthday