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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thoughts on taking your DC out of school to enjoy the sunshine?

495 replies

Dorsetdelight211 · 17/06/2022 07:55

DD is 14, year 9. She's just had a message off her best friend to say she won't be in school today as her mum is taking her and her younger sister to the beach for the day. Que DD saying how cool the mum is and how unfair it is that I never let her miss school for fun stuff. I've got to work and even if I didn't I still wouldn't let her do it.

YABU-its a beautiful day, one day off school won't make a difference
YANBU-school is important and you can't skive off just because the weathers nice.

OP posts:
SweetSakura · 17/06/2022 09:50

My children weren't taught at all by their schools for two entire terms during the pandemic. I paid for private tutors and online classes (I had to work). So if I felt like it would benefit my child to take a day off I would feel absolutely no remorse about doing so

Tigofigo · 17/06/2022 09:51

I don't think either of you are unreasonable tbh.

You're not unreasonable for not taking your DD out, you need to work and it's a school day

The other mum's not unreasonable for taking her kids out for a day of fun they'll likely remember

It's disingenuous to compare this to many DC missing 6 MONTHS of school without even virtual lessons... Why would anyone make that comparison? Just makes you look ridiculous.

Hallyup89 · 17/06/2022 09:52

It's ridiculous. My 14 year old is still doing end of year exams. Why can't they enjoy the sunshine after school? Not a great ethic to instill into your child.

Fullsomefrenchie · 17/06/2022 09:54

It would not occur to me unless there was an issue with the kids and they needed time out.

however I can totally see why your child is envious and thinks the other mum is as cool as. A day off school to go to the beach, cmon. Most kids would love that.

if it’s a one off I can see why it would be memorable for the child.

sonsmum · 17/06/2022 09:58

every day off school is a day of lost education.
while one offs are not going to have impact solely, the impact of embedding the associated value/attitude may have more far reaching effects.

Tigofigo · 17/06/2022 09:58

Depends on the age of the child, how they are doing academically and what's going on at school, I think.

I really, REALLY hate this attitude that children who aren't doing well academically must never take a term time holiday, skip a day for fun on the beach etc. Also in other threads it's used as an excuse for their DC to have unlimited screen time etc.

What's the logic in that? Is one day really going to have a significant impact on a child's achievements? Surely academically able children could always learn more, score higher etc as well? All it does is teach able children they don't need to try or work as hard.

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 17/06/2022 09:58

totally agree with the posters whose experience is that for the "it's just one day" parents it never really is just one day. I'd rather my DC learnt that you can't always do as you please. Plenty of time after school/work to enjoy a warm evening - have a barbecue or even drive to the coast then.

Scoobyblue · 17/06/2022 10:00

Of course kids should be in school - in hot weather, cold weather, wet weather, whatever weather. They have plenty of breaks to enjoy the sunshine though the day and it's not as if sunshine is a once in a lifetime event. At my school (albeit many many years ago) we often had lessons outside if it was really hot which was always a bonus.

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/06/2022 10:12

Unless she’d had a really shitty time lately, then no I wouldn’t. Partly because I work, partly because school is important and summer hols are nearly here.

CaptainMyCaptain · 17/06/2022 10:17

PetersRabbitt · 17/06/2022 08:07

Also I think people are voting wrong as their reading your title and selecting yanbu

I voted YANBU as per the bit at the bottom of the OP

YABU-its a beautiful day, one day off school won't make a difference
YANBU-school is important and you can't skive off just because the weathers nice.

Perhaps the others did too.

FawnFrenchieMum · 17/06/2022 10:26

Maybe the parent works shifts and won't be able to do anything over the weekend (as you said thats what they are for)?

Its not something I would do regularly but probably because I have just taken them aboard in term time. We have on occasion had a ''medical appointment'' on a Friday afternoon when going away for the weekend.

You sound quite bitter that the parent has the day off more than concern for the child's education.

palygold · 17/06/2022 10:27

It's a stupid reason. There will be plenty more sunny days to enjoy quite soon, as it's almost the summer holidays.

FawnFrenchieMum · 17/06/2022 10:29

I do remember having a day off school to go watch the planes at Manchester airport, I have no idea why we went or that day was chosen but I do remember it fondly, I also remember my parents saying I was ill and me telling the teacher all about my day. I still passed all my examples and I'm a fully functioning adult who doesn't take sickies from work.

erikbloodaxe · 17/06/2022 10:34

Not to go to the beach on a red hot day I wouldn't they'd be better off in school where it'll be cooler. I did for other experiences though and my DC have very fond memories of those times. It didn't teach them to slack off or do as they please regarding work. They are all happy and doing well in their chosen fields and know work or school isn't the be all and end all.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/06/2022 10:35

A one off? Fine. Even for a child not doing so well. In fact it could be used as an incentive to encourage them to work harder. However in my experience it often isn’t just a day. My dd is also year 9 and for the first time ever I allowed her to take a day off this year to go out with a friend and her parents. She’s at private school now and it seems incredibly common to take time off at a whim, which I don’t get as we are paying for their education. As far as I’m concerned, I want dd to go as often as possible.

VestaTilley · 17/06/2022 10:35

No I wouldn’t do that.

I’d only keep mine off of temperatures we’re getting dangerously hot and I thought school weren’t doing enough to keep them cool and hydrated- but not to go to the beach!

TabithaTittlemouse · 17/06/2022 10:38

Ds goes to the beach after school when it’s nice and has been taking himself since he was around 13. Today he’s on study leave so ‘studying’ at the beach. Do I believe he’s studying? Absolutely not.
(I’m at work but couldn’t make him study even if we were both at home).

Why can’t the friends dc go after school?

redskyatnight · 17/06/2022 10:39

My DD is in Year 11. She is doing well academically (since people have mentioned this).
She is currently revising for GCSEs. She has, on several occasions recently, bemoaned the fact that she missing the teaching for x topic in Year 9 or that she never really got y concept because she wasn't in the crucial lesson to ask questions.

DD missed school because of medical appointments that couldn't be arranged for out of school hours. We thought her missing the odd lesson (which couldn't be helped anyway) was not a big deal. In some cases it wasn't but in others it has definitely led to gaps in learning.

I wouldn't take a Year 9 child out of school unnecessarily.

5foot5 · 17/06/2022 10:41

I wouldn't do that with a 14 year old. Come to think of it I don't think I ever did it when DD was primary school age either. Mind you I worked FT so, you know.

Your thread title though made me remember my own primary school days back in the 60s and early 70s. I went to a tiny village school in a rural area and frequently when the weather was really nice the teacher would decide we were going out for a nature walk, or we would have story time sat out on the school field or some other excuse to leave the class room and just enjoy the sunshine. I guess head teachers had more autonomy in those days with no National Curriculum or Sat's or whatever.

Rainallnight · 17/06/2022 10:42

I am personally delighted that school are willing to shoulder responsibility for my hot and cranky children on the hottest day of the year 😂

OopsAnotherOne · 17/06/2022 10:45

My mum only did this once in the whole time I was in education when I was 14 years old. It was during a heatwave and as I was being home educated for a few months anyway, mum decided that as a one-off we could have a day away from learning to really enjoy the weather. She gave my 11 year old brother the opportunity to have a day off school and he took it, so we all went and had a lovely day on the beach. It never happened again and never became an expectation - we knew it was a special, slightly naughty treat.

Tensmum11 · 17/06/2022 10:47

Great lesson for your kids. Of course it’s not okay.

Floella22 · 17/06/2022 10:47

When I was at school on a hot day the teachers would take us onto the playing field under the trees after lunch and we'd have our lessons outside.
It was much more exciting than going to the beach with parents.

MercurialMonday · 17/06/2022 10:50

YANBU.

There's an issue for truancy at secondary as it's frequently the pupils who parents did this sort of thing in primary with parents.

I hate them missing school for hospital and orthodontist appointments - and the schools are certainly a bloody pain about it - I assume poor attendance rates are the reason.

It depends on the school but frequently Y9 they are starting GCSE work - I know DD1 missed one subject lesson for music lessons - in hindsight really wished she hadn't as it wasn't made clear they had started GCSE work and she did feel in later years she had missed important concepts.

I think one day would have limited impact but the message it sends to the children about education and school attendance is poor.

ImAvingOops · 17/06/2022 10:51

I'm going to do this soon. My husband has to go somewhere nice for work and I'm going to take dc and go with him for a couple of days break before the summer holidays and increased crowds.
In the past I would never have done this, but since covid I've relaxed a bit about the necessity of school attendance being placed above all other necessities in life. My priorities have shifted a bit and I think that so long as it really is a rare occurrence and attendance is otherwise high, this is okay.
School spends plenty of time doing non academic activities, that they consider to be enriching to the child as a person. I think they are right to build in well-being activity along with the academic and I'm doing the same.
To me it isn't comparable to teachers ringing in sick - adults in paid employment have to live under different rules to children.